I hate being gay.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Callisto, Oct 14, 2013.

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  1. Callisto

    Callisto Member

    I just want to end it all. I am gay, and everyone I care about would hate me if they knew. The thought of hurting my family is what is keeping me from doing it, but I think that finding out I'm gay would hurt them more than finding out I'm dead. I'm tired of lying.
     
  2. torn23

    torn23 Member

    Hi Callisto,

    I am sorry to hear of your suffering over being gay. I just hope you do not give up on yourself. It has taken a long time for people in general to accept the idea that others may have a different sexual orientation. But it is being accepted so fast and the acceptance is growing widely. Hang in there. I am sure your family would rather have you among them, regardless. Of course I do not know them. But if they have a problem with accepting people for being gay, I will just bet it is because they do not know you are gay.... that could be the case.

    But I am also thinking about this: It is really not anyone's business who you wish to love or have a sexual relationship with. It's not even your family's business. I do not see it as "lying" to them if you don't share your sexual preferences with them. Anyway, you are not alone - at all - so many others in the world struggle with your dilemma. I want to encourage you to keep seeking support. I am sure you will find it. And you will find great relief once you realize that you have a perfect right to be yourself -- whatever that means.

    Welcome to SF. Hope to see you around. Come and visit us in chat sometime.

    Your friend,

    torn23
     
  3. Danialla

    Danialla Well-Known Member

    My daughter is gay, I have a brother and uncle who are gay also. I love them all very, very much. I also had some idea they were gay before they came out.

    Please get involved with some LBGT groups near you or online. Pflag is a great family organization. Being gay is not easy. You naturally want to share someone you care about with those that care about you, but I know that your family would rather have you around then not. I am not very wordy today, but please keep posting and you will get through this.

    My daughter just got married to her partner a few weeks ago. It was a big gay wedding with so many happy people. I wish that for you someday. Sorry if I'm not making sense, but I care.
     
  4. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    I personally don't care if someone is gay or not gay, it is really not any of my business what someone does in the privacy of their own personal life as long as it does not interfere with me. That said, I'm not sure why it is important to let anybody know. I am not saying to hide it, but I don't think that people need to have a big "coming out" party over these things either. Do what you do if you wish to do it; I don't share with people my personal intimacy's and don't expect them to either. It is not lying to not discuss something like that. Have tact and a certain amount of discreteness about your personal affairs and don't let it hang over into other things you do that would affect others. You can hang out with whomever you like - if I had a male friend who was always with me all the time, lived with me like a roommate, etc... it wouldn't necessarily mean that I was gay, unless I announced it. Maybe don't go to things like 'gay pride parades,' I mean we don't have heterosexual price parades, and I don't feel like it's anything I'm missing. Live other parts of your life exactly as anybody else would. Being gay does not change being a person in any way whatsoever.

    I don't believe that finding out a family member is gay is worse than finding out that they are dead. They are not even close to equal in any way and I have lived through the latter and let me tell you that the only one thing in life I would never wish up anyone else, including my worst enemies (if I had any), would be to lose a family member to an untimely deat -- with suicide being the worst of all of them.

    If your parents/family love you, believe me it might be a new paradigm for them to have to get used to, but a parent can never stop loving their child no matter what. If it comes out and is offensive in some way to your friends, then too bad. If they're good friends they will look past that. It is not as if you are asking them to participate in your lifestyle to that degree, right? Keeping things like this to yourself while not obviously faking to hide it, but not obviously flaunting it either, is nothing bad. Live life as you would regardless of your sexual preference. Let those who find out or suspect deal with their own issues over it - you are not forcing what you do onto them so you have nothing to be ashamed of.
     
  5. DarkKnight09

    DarkKnight09 Member

    Hey so I went thru same thing. I'm 22 now and when I was 15 I tried to kill myself because of being a lesbian. My family's reactions terrified me. I ended up in hospital with stomach pumped and stiches. Still have the.scars. I. Didn't tell my family why I tried either. Still terrified of there reaction. 2 years later I finally did. And myy.dad beat me and my broothers disowned me. My mom said she didn't.hate.me for it.but couldn't.accept it..I ended upp bak In hospital again. Now here I am. With a beautiful wife. And all the love I neeed. I still struggle witt being gay and wit thoughts of suicide. But.now I have someoone to live for and someone to love who understands. Her family has taken me in and treats me as there own. I hope yu.can finnd this type of love and happiness one day. But you only can.by hanging on and waiting for things.to get better. It does happen. I promise. Goodluck with life and with love.
     
  6. the black raven

    the black raven Well-Known Member

    People need to understand that being gay or lesbian is not our choice, we don't choose to be gay/lesbian, it is just how we are. It is not a mental sickness, It's just how we prefer who our partner is. No one has the right to tell you who you are, you are who you are. If you love the same gender, so be it. No one has the right to tell you otherwise. It's is your right to be gay/lesbian. If people don't understand that, they're blind. I'm sorry you have to be through all of this. My best friend is gay and I love him so much, he will be here in 2 weeks he said. Btw, I'm sure even if it is hard for them to find out that you are gay, they prefer to have you with them, like torn23 said. Family are supposed to live unconditionally, no matter how bad you are, no matter what your sex preference is. That's what I really believe.
     
  7. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi. I am so sorry you are feeling like this. What you feel is sadly too common amongst people who are GBLT. I know you must feel so horrible about yourself. But I also think there is a very strong GBLT community out there who would be glad to care about, accept and support you exactly as you are.

    Too many people kill themselves because they are rejected, or even fear they will be rejected by those who they love the most. Too many good people are lost to this. If you are a teenager, you might want to contact the Trevor Project people. http://www.thetrevorproject.org/ You can chat with someone who can hopefully help. Either on the phone ( a helpline) or on their website. A helpine sort of chat, by appointment.

    If you are not a teenager, I am not sure were there is support from the GBLT community, but I encourage you to keep reacing out as you are doing here. And I can say for a fact that you deserve all the support you can get. I think the GBLT community needs as many people as it can get. Alive. to grow in numbers. So that all those people out there who have misled judgements can be wayyyy outnumbered and finally silenced to the corners of their boxed in minds.

    If you are a teenager and do decide to call or contact the trevor project helpline people, please still be a part of this suicide forum community. Because I think its a great one. I hope you can feel at home here. By the way, people often think that the people they love would be more hurt to find out they were gay than if they were dead. I totally disagree with what you are thinking. Even though I do understand it feels like this. There is nothing worse for a parent or loved one than losing a child. Nothing :hug:
     
  8. dannyboy86

    dannyboy86 Active Member

    Please dont kill yourself over something like sexual orientation. You can go on to live a long, fulfilling life. If acting on gay thoughts makes you uncomfortable, then you can stay celibate, Im celibate and i know people these days laugh about that, but it works for me so really I dont care what other people think about that. I remember having and acting on gay thoughts when I was young, mainly out of curiosity. I dont identify as a gay person now, but even straight people have done things when they were a young adolescence out of curiosity.

    The fact that someone is gay or straight is completely irrelevant to me. I could care less about someone's sexual orientation. I just dont understand why people make such a big deal over someone's sexual preference--but the important thing here is YOU. you are what counts. Im sure you can be happy with a partner if that is what you decide. And if your parents are upset, than just leave. Dont base your self esteem on what they think of you, or other people for that matter. I promise you that if you think that way you will just be disappointed.

    And remember, please don't take your life over your sexual orientation. you would be throwing away any future happiness you could have. You need to hold on, I promise you will get through this point in your life.
     
  9. Danialla

    Danialla Well-Known Member

    No offense meant, but nobody wants a "big, coming out party". What people hope to accomplish by "coming out" is simply to be honest and maybe feel comfortable in the future introducing someone they love to the people who love them.

    It doesn't matter to me gay, straight, etc. but I believe it is something more than what you do in the bedroom, it is who you connect with, who you love and hopefully loves you too.

    I don't mean to be argumentative. I am sorry if I sound that way
     
  10. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I'm so sorry you feel this way...you should only care about what makes you happy in life, not how other people feel about you. If they would hate you for being gay, are they really the kind of people you want in your life? Even if they are family, that's like hating someone for having red hair or green eyes, something that is an integral part of who they are. If people say bad things about you, then you just need to ignore them and focus on yourself...that's what I've learned at least.
     
  11. Callisto

    Callisto Member

    Thanks for replying. I know some of you think it's dumb of me to want to kill myself over this, but to me, my family is all I have right now. maybe someday, I'll find a girl I love who loves me back, but maybe I won't. I don't want to throw away what I have now for the hope that "maybe someday" I'll find happiness. Having said that, keeping this a secret is taking a toll on me. I know many of you don't understand what the big deal is, but not being out is a big source of stress in my life. And I can't come out to them without them hating me. I'm miserable now. I don't want to keep suffering for the off-chance that things will get better.
     
  12. Danialla

    Danialla Well-Known Member

    How do you know your family would hate you?
     
  13. Callisto

    Callisto Member

    My dad has told me explicitly how much he hates gay people, and how they are disgusting perverts who are doomed to Hell.
     
  14. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Maybe when you write this you speak for other people who might not have the courage to write it here. I dont think you were sounding argumentative or offensive. I think its important that you wrote it
     
  15. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I am so sorry he is as homophobic as that. Really sorry. I am sure that hurts on the deepest level. What about your mom?
     
  16. Callisto

    Callisto Member

    She usually just nods along with him. She isn't the one saying all these hurtful things, but she agrees.
     
  17. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I don't think it's dumb that you want to kill yourself over this, because I know how hard it can be to deal with. But I really hope that you don't do it. My family is all I have too, at least they are the only ones who talk to me, besides the people on this site. But my family are not supportive or caring, and it doesn't sound like yours are, either. I don't agree with their opinions and I think that you need people in your life who will support you and make you feel better about yourself, not worse.
     
  18. the black raven

    the black raven Well-Known Member

    I don't think it is dumb to feel this way. I can understand it, and it is indeed a big deal, it's something that can change your life forever, and no turning back. It's not dumb at all, and I don't think it is not a big deal. I do understand that. It's a very big move to tell them, I'm sorry about your dad, and mom, I hope they can be more understanding...
     
  19. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Daniella mentioned pflag. Maybe if you called them they could lead you to some online or even local support. Here is their contact info page. I am not saying you should call. But if you wanted to, then here it is http://community.pflag.org/page.aspx?pid=259

    I am really sorry that such a huge part of who you are is what your parents do not accept. But I am hoping you will find many amazing people who will be more than happy to be family and community. Many people believe that family is those people we meet who love us for who we are. There are those people. And you deserve them. They deserve you. We deserve to have you here. Alive.
    :freehug:
     
  20. Callisto

    Callisto Member

    THanks again for those who replied. Last night, I got on a suicide helpline and was able to talk to someone. I feel better after talking to someone and getting things off my chest. I'm still not feeling great, but I'm not feeling quite as bad as i was. At least I probably won't be killing myself yet.

    I hear a lot of "it gets better" and things like (as many of you have said) "someday you will find people who love you" and y'all are probably right, but that is just a hypothetical future and it' hard to see past the suffering I'm experiencing in the present.
     
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