I hate being muslim...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by cloud9, Feb 14, 2010.

  1. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

    I'm stuck at a university library right now doing some work for my courses and of course I start to lose focus.....fourth year accounting just can't seem to hold my interest.

    I usually start to think about the things I can't have, but I'm not talking about Aston Martins, large houses or designer clothes. Simple stupid things that I think any 21 year old male university student is within his rights to long for. Having girlfriends, drinking alcohol, not having to worry about eating halal food, going to clubs.....there's a longer list.

    I hate how my religion prevents me from doing those things. I hate it so much so I don't want to associate with it. But I feel like I'm stuck. My parents would kill me, my sister would be disappointed and all my friends from high school would be shocked. I'd feel alone. I don't know if I could bear having half my life reject me from making such a decision. Its killing me though.....I want it to be okay to have a girlfriend...*sigh*

    Just the other day I was speaking on my cell phone at home with a girl from my program. We were probably on the phone for like an hour and a half. My mom was like a hawk probing as to who I was talking to. She told me to have my friend call the house and not my cell. The reason she wanted me to do this is because she wants to eavesdrop on my conversations. She didn't know I was speaking to a girl, but I'm sure she suspected. She wanted to find out for sure so she could put a stop to it.

    I often say how I want to move to the States from Canada. The pull isn't entirely due to money or better schools. I think the real reason is the fact I just want to get the fuck out of my town and away from all these people that I know. I want to be somewhere where it won't be taboo for me to have a girlfriend, where I won't have to watch my back when I hold her hand because I'm worried over who might see me. I want to know what its like to get drunk, get hungover.

    I feel like I can't do these things because my religion has somehow conditioned a mental block in me. I'm almost scared to try them.

    I'm suffocating....:sad:
  2. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    If you can't be happy living a strict muslim life, and you're parents can't let you not, you need to get away.

    Weigh your options, cuz it seems as if you'll have to choose between living how you want and staying around your family.
  3. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    I think you're doing the right thing, but only for yourself, nobody else involved in your life. If your family allows you, do so by all means. If you're trying to run away, think about it please.
  4. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

    I'm not about to pick up and run away. I'm still in school and it just wouldn't be feasible. I am beginning to feel that staying at home and having what I want are incompatible. I'll need to leave eventually. I don't know what my options are and I'm not sure how I would be going about leaving. I guess its some comfort that I study away from home...