I'm still trying but then I go backwards for every step I'm taking I'll go crazy! There's not going to be any Christmas! I dont wanna, but I do, Yes, I do want to, how? This suck, really. I want to be with my family, have a great time with those who makes me feel real and whole, why? I am sitting here 'trapped', hospitalized, I mean, this was never suppose to happen, never. Few weeks ago I was feeling great (or at least), stabilized, then, again back to the blck hole who wants to keep me close to the devil (he actually saved me once but I don't wanna anymore, do not!) Here they're also saying I have some problem with food taking, like "eats too little" I'm about to hear very, too often. I don't have any problem, not over- or UNDERweight, but they keeps telling me; "you too tiny, have a little of that and that....", also they have threaten to be moved to another ward for folks with eating disorders, that is so insane! They have taking my soul I cannot feel any longer and says that I have to gain about, least(!), 2 kg's to have a "normal" weight, what does that mean? Everything buuuuuuurns.....!