I hate coming here.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Digital Angel, Jun 6, 2011.

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  1. Digital Angel

    Digital Angel Well-Known Member

    This site is pretty much useless for getting any decent advice so I am likely only posting because of my profound loneliness. I guess it's kind of absurd to think a group emotionally screwed up people can help others (don't take this offensively please).

    I don't even know what to say really. I think it's incredibly unfortunate I am even here, as under a different set of circumstances I could have actually kept and maintained a social network which seems to be my biggest problem. I am so out of touch with people particularly girls I can't interact in a meaningful way. There are specific times where I can be incredibly charismatic and have been in the past, but that has basically waned away. Time, lack of social stimulation, living with parents again, represses all that. Once I learned social dynamics I got MUCH better at talking to girls online and improved my 'success' greatly, but it's difficult to transfer that into real life without proper resources. Ultimately, I have wasted a profound and ridiculous amount of time on girls that I end up not dating or having sex which and it basically feels like a waste. The interaction is still worthwhile but humans are not meant to converse all the time over txt, aim, facebook or whatever the fuck. It's irrelevant whether the girl likes me (she often does) as there is seemingly no way to make the transition.

    There's other things as well, that I guess aren't really necessary to talk about. I've been finding as I've become my mental voracity has increased I've just generally become more depressed. The cliche about ignorance has some truth I guess. I just think it's a lot more difficult for me to feel stimulated from the mundane interaction I'd have to settle for. It's a great burden feeling stuck in an intelligent mind but not being good enough at meeting people or initiating the interaction to actually get similar minded friends, particularly girls. I imagine I've gotten less sex than even the vast majority of the people here, I was essentially raped by a girl once, and had sex with another girl 6 times which was actually really good but that feels infinitely long ago. The last girl I kissed was in 2008 January.

    I don't know. Not much else to say I guess and again writing on here is pointless but obviously I have no where else to go at the moment.
     
  2. SmolderingIce

    SmolderingIce Well-Known Member

    I think you need some good guy friends.. Girls are trouble. The right one will come along. And you probably shouldn't base everything on what the sex life you get out of it is..
     
  3. Digital Angel

    Digital Angel Well-Known Member

    I don't, being male, you can't simply 'will' away your urge for female companionship, sex, and love. It's biological, and you feel terrible going without it for so long. I don't even necessarily mean I NEED TO GET LAID. I would just like female companionship. All I need is someone I'm attracted to and I'm somewhat compatible with. I have no desire to date idiot girls even if they are very attractive. Attractiveness to me is not just 'looks'.

    I have a few decent male friends, and a couple I would like to hang out with more, it's just difficult to actually get that to work and bleh.
     
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    if you come across in person as you do online i'd say you are in trouble. you start with an insult, and then follow with saying how you are smarter than most other people. is this just a defense mechanism or your true outlook? if you think you are superior women will pick up on that in an instance.

    i'd say start from a place of true compassion towards others. be open and trusting. be kind and gentle. i'm not saying "dumb" yourself down but be more open to the goodness in the world.
     
  5. tweetypie

    tweetypie Antiquities Friend

    Ill try to be as polite as possible because your post made me a bit cross. Firstly im genuinely sorry you are feeling depressed. It must be very lonley not having anyone in real life that you can talk to about what is bothering you. You dont come across very well in your post (just my opinion) maybe you are on the defensive to avoid getting hurt i dont know but if you cant empathise with people i dont think you will get the interaction you are looking for.
     
  6. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    i too found your post offensive, i have nothing but praise for the people on here.

    why do you think this forum is useless? is it a weakness in you or others here?

    this site has helped so many, do you think its fair for you to post such a negative post and then still reach out for help...it doesnt make sense. i am sorry you are in such pain..but dont hate this forum, if we can help you we will...open up to your pain and let us try and help.
     
  7. Digital Angel

    Digital Angel Well-Known Member

    Well, now you see the problem. Most people can't get over the fact that despite me saying anything about them directly I made a generalized statement. I said that to convey why I am coming here as a last resort. I am just saying the advice people give here is "generally" not very useful and often times completely awful and not what you should do. I have gotten good advice here a couple times. Obviously, how I act now when I feel I am in a crisis is not how I act when I am in a better state of mind. I'm just trying to explain the situation as I have no where else to go with it. I think the reason it helps others is because it gives others like-minded people to vent to, not because the advice is usually something you should do. The extent of the advice is usually "don't commit suicide plz" or "things will get better!" which aren't very useful. So let's drop it thanks.

    Anyway. I am definitely defensive but it's something I've improved a lot on and am not nearly as bad at this as I used to be. Also, I'm not trying to put anyone down, I just meant to say partially why I feel isolated from others. If you are really intelligent you know it, and every teacher I've written essays for etc. have told me this, randoms I know. You act like being intelligent is a gift and the only thing that matters for human personality. There are MANY other better qualities to have. I would rather be really charismatic and average intelligence than very intelligent and be much less able to interact with others which is generally what being VERY smart entails. I don't mean "book smarts" which usually just means you are not stupid and are able to confine well to the assembly line system that school has devolved into. Meaningful social interaction is consistently rated the most important gauge to one's own happiness, above ALL other factors. Intelligence just makes you depressed because it makes it harder to believe the rationalizations that make others so happy, that god exists (something that is blatantly false to me), free will, etc.

    Now that I've spent half of this trying to defend myself from you guys I don't even know what to say. I imagine 6 more people will come in here and get offended, and then when I try to explain myself another 12 and so on until my topic gets deleted. Seems like that's the mentality here.

    If I had somewhere else to go right now I would. Sorry.
     
  8. abe6

    abe6 Member

    i'm sorry to say but i agree with the other responses so far.

    is your job just not conducive to meeting girls or expanding your network? you say how intelligent you are, are you doing something worthwhile and challenging with that intelligence? being intelligent is a gift if you use it

    have you tried improving yourself? just about every single thing that makes a girl attracted to a guy can be improved. do you go the gym? start going to the gym everyday you will feel alot better about yourself and will get a warmer reception from girls. start striking up conversation with every person you interact with daily, the cashier at a store, someone standing behind you in line. it doesn't matter who it is, doing this will get you more comfortable socially. i don't know what else to say other than if you approach with the kind of mindset set forth in that post how you are vastly superior you're not going to have success. even if you can't shake that belief, don't let it come through in conversation

    and this is always my suggestion but it works, go volunteer doing something. you will feel great about yourself and i guarantee you will find plenty of girls to interact with and alot of the anxiety you might normally feel will be gone in that situation

    also i think you need to be more open minded....

    when every response you get is telling you the same thing, maybe they just might be right? try to take a step back and see if you can see where they are coming from instead of instantly dismissing all opinion contrary to your own
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 6, 2011
  9. Digital Angel

    Digital Angel Well-Known Member

    I just got a job at a nursing home making food but unfortunately I have a lot of back money to pay, my old roommate fucked me over and I am suing him. My first check took THREE weeks to get here and I had to waste that on other things. I don't get my next check until the 10th.

    The only things I really need improving on are meeting and I guess some interacting skills. I am not a jackass to girls or anyone really, but on the same token being "nice" does not work, it doesn't get people interested in you, it's boring, and girls think you are trying to get into their pants.

    I guess a new wardrobe would help as well, but this is simply something I can't afford. My hair looks kind of terrible as well.

    Just because every response is telling you the same thing doesn't mean they are right. The vast majority of the country used to support slavery, I guess they were right! Can you see how stupid that fallacy is. Also given I am going to a site with a group of people who are in a "depression" community and I am an outlier it is not surprising they all agree against me. I thought the goal here was to try to understand, not ostracize and isolate people who come in that you don't like.

    Whatever.
     
  10. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    First off I don't appreciate your insult to start things that a good way to go about things.

    This is good advice. Focus on yourself find a group of guy friends you like. Success in life isn't measured by sex at all. I get that having intimacy and feeling wanted is a priority of yours, since it has been very lacking for you over the years.

    Like my one quote in my signature "what you resist persists". If you can accept that you're alone and realize the only person that can make you happy is yourself, you'll be much better off in the long run. In time you will meet find the right partner.

    Don't resist being alone and not having a GF, Accept it for what it is. Go with the flow, don't work against it. Be grateful for what you do have. As you say you're intelligent, that is a gift take advantage of that. Focus on the good not the bad and good things will follow.

    That's another thing in the dating game if you can write everything down you don't like about yourself and accept that, you will become more confident and the real you can show much better.

    I get that you're lonely, do you have any guy friends or what not? Having guy friends will make things a lot better and you will find meeting women almost comes naturally.

    I really don't suggest meeting women online either. Having a partner should only be a compliment to yourself it shouldn't be the means to make you happy. If you're happy with you, women will sense this and you will become much more desirable, however if you're looking for it in a partner this will be a turn off.

    Women don't like being put a on a pedestal. Women can sense a guy who is desperate and who will give him their all to her easily.(Don't take this as an insult) this is a turn off. Women want a guy who has lot's of options and has picked her, that way she feel like a prize and the most desirable.

    A good quote is "there are two tragedies in life, one is not getting what one wants the other is getting it". Think about that for a bit. You may think a GF, or having lot's of sex will make you happy but I highly doubt once you get one it will. There are tons of things that can go wrong in a relationship.

    To reiterate focus on yourself more. Maybe go out in the world more join some type of sports group(if that interests you) that involves men and women. You may meet someone but don't make it a priority enjoy yourself and have fun. Do your best to refrain from meeting women of the internet get to know a woman in person and build the relationship from their even as friends. Work on being cocky and funny as that builds attraction.

    Anyways I hope some of what I said was useful, good luck.
     
  11. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I'm male and I agree with thye others.. You should quit while your ahead.. You come across very negative and as far as putting the forum down.. Thats just wrong!! This place has saved my life three times now..
     
  12. abe6

    abe6 Member

    ok it seems you haven't learned anything yet, i'm trying to help but i'm going to be blunt because you seem like you can handle it and well if you're dishing it you should be able to take it

    i might have to disagree on your assessment of your intelligence if this is your current job

    start interacting then. chat up EVERY person you come into contact with throughout the day. trust me this will make a world of difference, it doesn't matter if its a fat old guy or girl your age

    its not about how much you spend its just about looking clean. buy stuff that is the right fit(not baggy) and make sure it matches. if there's one thing to spend a little extra on it would be shoes, 1 good pair of shoes is all you need but this is one of things girls notice. throw away your nikes or vans

    you're lucky this is a very easy fix and i'm questioning how much of a desire you really have to start attracting girls if your hair is terrible. think of the problems people have on this board, if one step towards solving them was taking $12 and going to supercuts and saying "make me look normal" you better believe they'd do it. and i'm also betting that you don't go to the gym. another very easy improvement that will go a very long way. if you haven't even taken two of the easiest steps that would make instant improvement, i question your motivation in the first place. these are also things that should be very obvious to someone of your supposed intellect

    your analogy is far more erroneous than my initial statement

    i do understand and i gave you a bunch of suggestions about how to improve, you chose to ignore them all and then tell this community how much it sucks
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 6, 2011
  13. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I wasn't at all offended by your opening post, since you said "(don't take this offensively please)" and the point of the thread is to offer insight, not to berate you for sharing your opinion of the site.

    On point: Have you tried self-help books that guide people in how to become more assertive and confident in social situations? Amazon is a good source for these kinds of books and from my experience (as I also have difficulty meeting people and interacting successfully) they can really help make that those kind of things easier to achieve.

    You say you find it hard to find girls that are on the same level as you, intellectually.. are you looking in the right places? Fundamentally though, you need to have patience. I know it's a cliche thing to say, and very hard to follow, especially when you're starved of good social interaction, but it's usually worth the wait when the right person comes along.

    You're right about being the nice guy not being successful in getting girls. Most girls like mystery; a guy who doesn't reveal too much about himself or show them too much interest straight off. Someone who plays it cool and almost treats them with indifference, at least in the beginning.

    Good luck and persevere. If 'cyber' relationships are all you're able to manage in the end, then try and find the resources to turn them into real life relationships. I was in one for a year before we took it to real life and despite the fact that we are no longer together (we stayed together a further year after meeting), our hard work and dedication to each other was what caused us to eventually meet up face to face.
     
  14. Kaza

    Kaza Active Member

    As messed up as my thinking has been the last few months (as in wanting to die,hoping I will die), the people on this forum have been nothing but kindness and patience personified. I could not believe the gentle,helpful and supportive responses I have gotten in response to my very sincere wishes to die. So much so, that I have tried to take a few steps back and think about my situation. And these very people are most likely in distress themselves and yet have taken the time to respond to others.

    I am not giving out to you, I think anyone who posts on this forum, even if they say they hate coming here, are in a very dark place and need support. You wouldnt be posting here if you werent looking for help of some kind. I really hope you get some peace of mind and can move on and please believe that the peope who have posted in response to your post really only want to help.

    For me, these people are the best, trying to help others (as I was helped) while they are probably battling dark thoughts themselves.

    Best of luck to you, I hope you will be ok, I really do.
     
  15. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    What the fuck is wrong with all of you people? The man has a opinion and all your doing is saying he shouldnt. No wonder he feels the way he does with responses like hes been getting in this thread. He said one single thing that was negative and was aimed at the site in general and it got jumped on. This is supposed to be a place of support not a place for putting someone down. Seeing some of the responses in this thread im starting to agree with him.
     
  16. TooShyToScream

    TooShyToScream Well-Known Member

    People attack your post because your post makes people feel the need to defend themselves (parts of it, anyway). And I don't think saying "don't take this offensively" helps. That's like me saying to someone "you're a piece of shit, but don't take that offensively, okay?" Doesn't work that way. Not that you said those words exactly, but just giving a similar example of something that would be offensive. Yours was more implied than direct, even though you call it "generalized". Also, calling yourself intelligent is merely your own opinion. To others it seems egotistic.

    Anyway, my advice is to seriously not think so much about your sex life and how many people you've kissed, hugged, fucked, etc. It's very unclassy, and for that matter, pretty pointless. Some people go years without having someone. If you want a relationship with someone, get one but having a lot of friends who are girls that you don't really like doesn't seem to be helping you. So focus on quality not quantity. And if you don't like others' opinions, maybe it's time to rethink that because, being that you are here and seem somewhat desperate (since you don't want to be here and it's a last resort for you), maybe your way isn't quite working. So, try someone else's for a change.
     
  17. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    I suggest someone takes the upperhand here and goes quiet.
     
  18. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Can we get back to supporting the OP please otherwise this thread will be locked.
     
  19. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    @Digital Angel:

    I read this entire thread, and I'd like to say that I hope things get better for you. In fact, we'd rather you have the resources to cope with real life and not have to be on SuicideForum since I understand that you feel stuck to a point where you have to "resort to coming to SF." Now, while it seems like a lot of people post the same things on each thread, there are many who love to see others do well (which is why I rarely post- I'd sound generic).

    Sorry that you're feeling this way, and if any of us can be of any help to you, (for example, we can listen to what you have to say -- i.e. venting, ranting etc.) just let us know. You probably know this already, but there's a subsection of the forum called "Buddy Chat" where you can find people to talk to in addition to a SuicideForum Chat. Maybe that would be a better outlet than forum posting since what you're saying appears to have been taken in as offensive by a sizable part of the population

    Cheers,

    Alex
     
  20. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I've removed the argument. Game over, back to what this forum is for.
     
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