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I hate everything

M4321

Well-Known Member
#1
I'll begin where I've began pretty much every thread I've done since I've been on here, It is my one goal in life to be a lawyer now i'm 8 years out of law school and have absolutely nothing to show for it. My last job as a government attorney I was forced out because I couldn't meet the impossible quota requirements. In my pathetic solo practice I had one case with a trade union that I worked like hell on and was ready to take to arbitration but then the selfish a**hole union president refused to let me arbitrate it because it would have revealed that his collective bargaining strategy was unsuccessful. I finally thought things were looking up when I got an interview with another union for an in house position but then it was postponed because of COVID and I just found out today that they've decided not to interview at all. I needed that job but of course no one cares about anyone but themselves and now I have to face the prospect of spending my life in a worthless, unfulfilling non-attorney career where I'll end up hating myself more and more each day.
 

Daphna

Ninja of light
#2
I'll begin where I've began pretty much every thread I've done since I've been on here, It is my one goal in life to be a lawyer now i'm 8 years out of law school and have absolutely nothing to show for it. My last job as a government attorney I was forced out because I couldn't meet the impossible quota requirements. In my pathetic solo practice I had one case with a trade union that I worked like hell on and was ready to take to arbitration but then the selfish a**hole union president refused to let me arbitrate it because it would have revealed that his collective bargaining strategy was unsuccessful. I finally thought things were looking up when I got an interview with another union for an in house position but then it was postponed because of COVID and I just found out today that they've decided not to interview at all. I needed that job but of course no one cares about anyone but themselves and now I have to face the prospect of spending my life in a worthless, unfulfilling non-attorney career where I'll end up hating myself more and more each day.
I can understand your frustrations. What made you want to become a lawyer? Just curious.
 

M4321

Well-Known Member
#3
My father is a lawyer and I always admired the intricacies of the law as I watched him as I grew up. I saw no greater calling than interpreting legal precedent and advocating on behalf of clients. It is a profession with a rich history and great prestige which I long desired to be a part of. In my opinion, there is no other field, other than maybe finance or medicine (neither of which I have the background to go into) that has the prestige that the law has.
 

Daphna

Ninja of light
#4
My father is a lawyer and I always admired the intricacies of the law as I watched him as I grew up. I saw no greater calling than interpreting legal precedent and advocating on behalf of clients. It is a profession with a rich history and great prestige which I long desired to be a part of. In my opinion, there is no other field, other than maybe finance or medicine (neither of which I have the background to go into) that has the prestige that the law has.
Wow, I enjoy your passion. Every road to success has bumps along the way. It’s the struggle that defines your journey. I wouldn’t give up or lose hope.
 

Angel777

Well-Known Member
#5
Hmm, keep looking For vacancies , and you will find the job for you, it’s a ratio game but your number Will come up. Congratulations on getting this far , you should be so proud of yourself .
 
#6
You know, the thing I can relate to and want to address is the idea of, "I'm destined to do this and only this, and if not..." because I think many people experience this in their lives. Billy Joel called it the River of Broken Dreams.

I hate to talk about myself, but just want to give a short history of what made me feel this way. For me, music was going to be my life and my only life. At about 19 or 20 I decided on this. By the time I had reached 25 however, I was burned out by too many dead ends. So then I decided, "If I can't do this, then I'm not going to do anything" meaning suicide so I went down that road. Long story short, it took years to overcome that and then I decided music was to be a hobby, as I still loved it at the time. Fast forward again to about 32(with more suicidal activity), I was COMPLETELY burned out and just finally made the decision once and for all that this is not working for me. Not only that, my interests changed and I didn't want it anymore anyway.

My point is, what ARE you going to do if it doesn't work out? While it's possible that it could and I want it to for you, I would seriously start considering a plan if it doesn't, which is healthier to realize that it is a possibility. Many, many people go down this road with repeated roadblocks. For me, I think somebody was trying to tell me they didn't want me to do this, and maybe it wasn't good for me to be in it, which is heartbreaking for sure. But I learned the more I fought with it, the worse it got for me, and now I would never go back to where I was. Sometimes THAT does happen in life, more often than you think. I'm sorry to sound like a Debbie Downer, but man I know what that feeling was like and wish someone would've shared the advice to me back then(But would I have listened?) I'm just saying consider, peace
 

M4321

Well-Known Member
#7
You know, the thing I can relate to and want to address is the idea of, "I'm destined to do this and only this, and if not..." because I think many people experience this in their lives. Billy Joel called it the River of Broken Dreams.

I hate to talk about myself, but just want to give a short history of what made me feel this way. For me, music was going to be my life and my only life. At about 19 or 20 I decided on this. By the time I had reached 25 however, I was burned out by too many dead ends. So then I decided, "If I can't do this, then I'm not going to do anything" meaning suicide so I went down that road. Long story short, it took years to overcome that and then I decided music was to be a hobby, as I still loved it at the time. Fast forward again to about 32(with more suicidal activity), I was COMPLETELY burned out and just finally made the decision once and for all that this is not working for me. Not only that, my interests changed and I didn't want it anymore anyway.

My point is, what ARE you going to do if it doesn't work out? While it's possible that it could and I want it to for you, I would seriously start considering a plan if it doesn't, which is healthier to realize that it is a possibility. Many, many people go down this road with repeated roadblocks. For me, I think somebody was trying to tell me they didn't want me to do this, and maybe it wasn't good for me to be in it, which is heartbreaking for sure. But I learned the more I fought with it, the worse it got for me, and now I would never go back to where I was. Sometimes THAT does happen in life, more often than you think. I'm sorry to sound like a Debbie Downer, but man I know what that feeling was like and wish someone would've shared the advice to me back then(But would I have listened?) I'm just saying consider, peace
You are a Debbie Downer so thanks for depressing me even more. I've applied for government relations and HR positions but gotten nowhere. My mom once suggested that I might be good as a high school teacher but I know I would hate that. I know that I do have to consider other options but the thought of that is just even more depressing. I shudder the thought of having to tell my friends from law school that I couldn't hack it as a lawyer so now I'm a loser in some worthless, unfulfilling career so in all honesty it is incredibly difficult to picture myself doing any other job and being happy.
 

M4321

Well-Known Member
#8
You know, the thing I can relate to and want to address is the idea of, "I'm destined to do this and only this, and if not..." because I think many people experience this in their lives. Billy Joel called it the River of Broken Dreams.

I hate to talk about myself, but just want to give a short history of what made me feel this way. For me, music was going to be my life and my only life. At about 19 or 20 I decided on this. By the time I had reached 25 however, I was burned out by too many dead ends. So then I decided, "If I can't do this, then I'm not going to do anything" meaning suicide so I went down that road. Long story short, it took years to overcome that and then I decided music was to be a hobby, as I still loved it at the time. Fast forward again to about 32(with more suicidal activity), I was COMPLETELY burned out and just finally made the decision once and for all that this is not working for me. Not only that, my interests changed and I didn't want it anymore anyway.

My point is, what ARE you going to do if it doesn't work out? While it's possible that it could and I want it to for you, I would seriously start considering a plan if it doesn't, which is healthier to realize that it is a possibility. Many, many people go down this road with repeated roadblocks. For me, I think somebody was trying to tell me they didn't want me to do this, and maybe it wasn't good for me to be in it, which is heartbreaking for sure. But I learned the more I fought with it, the worse it got for me, and now I would never go back to where I was. Sometimes THAT does happen in life, more often than you think. I'm sorry to sound like a Debbie Downer, but man I know what that feeling was like and wish someone would've shared the advice to me back then(But would I have listened?) I'm just saying consider, peace
My first reaction was probably a little harsh so I'm sorry for that. I know you were just trying to help and I can appreciate the sentiment. I've just put so much in to pursuing a legal career and I cannot imagine doing anything else and the thought of having to do that makes me want to throw up. I know you're right that I have to think of what to do if I can't have the career I want so I guess I'll have to figure out a way as depressing and humiliating as that is.
 

kittykatt

Well-Known Member
#9
Sorry to hear that things have turned out not the way you wanted them to. But! Whatever you do, Don't give up on yourself or your dream. Keep trying. The important thing is that you got into law school, graduated, and then passed the Bar exam. You are a lawyer. You will always be able to say that. You made it. If at first you don't succeed, then try again. It may take waiting for this virus thing to clear up and things get back to normal. In the mean time, figure out what your Plan B is. Good luck and I hope you find the job of your dreams.
 

M4321

Well-Known Member
#10
You know, the thing I can relate to and want to address is the idea of, "I'm destined to do this and only this, and if not..." because I think many people experience this in their lives. Billy Joel called it the River of Broken Dreams.

I hate to talk about myself, but just want to give a short history of what made me feel this way. For me, music was going to be my life and my only life. At about 19 or 20 I decided on this. By the time I had reached 25 however, I was burned out by too many dead ends. So then I decided, "If I can't do this, then I'm not going to do anything" meaning suicide so I went down that road. Long story short, it took years to overcome that and then I decided music was to be a hobby, as I still loved it at the time. Fast forward again to about 32(with more suicidal activity), I was COMPLETELY burned out and just finally made the decision once and for all that this is not working for me. Not only that, my interests changed and I didn't want it anymore anyway.

My point is, what ARE you going to do if it doesn't work out? While it's possible that it could and I want it to for you, I would seriously start considering a plan if it doesn't, which is healthier to realize that it is a possibility. Many, many people go down this road with repeated roadblocks. For me, I think somebody was trying to tell me they didn't want me to do this, and maybe it wasn't good for me to be in it, which is heartbreaking for sure. But I learned the more I fought with it, the worse it got for me, and now I would never go back to where I was. Sometimes THAT does happen in life, more often than you think. I'm sorry to sound like a Debbie Downer, but man I know what that feeling was like and wish someone would've shared the advice to me back then(But would I have listened?) I'm just saying consider, peace
Just out of curiosity what do you do now?
 
#11
Hey, Hey, well you are talking to Mr Depression and Humiliation is my middle name(and I'd have it no other way)lol. I hope many on SF are listening to this because it could be one of life's many lessons...

First thing I will say about myself, is I don't(what's the word I want to use here, hmm) let's just say 'bend the truth' as I prefer to give it straight than sugarcoated, because that is the way I prefer to hear it myself. Unfortunately, 'the truth' is often hurtful and not popular as well, resulting in shots given to the messenger. You know why I do that though? Because I found awhile ago that, 'False hope is worse than no hope'. Does that make sense to you? So many people live with this ever growing guilt on their back, having to 'keep the appearance' for the friends/family, and the worst,(listen to this)BECOME SOMETHING THEY'RE NOT, TO GET SOMETHING THEY WANT. You see, I failed to mention before that I COULD have made it in music, I COULD still be in it today in some form I'm sure, but I didn't like the person I was turning into, I didn't like the people I had to pretend to like, I didn't like the things I was being forced to do, and I didn't like the fake smile I was supposed to wear. Yet, GOD, I sure wanted that carrot dangling in front of me though...

I had to learn a life lesson that, what is really reality and illusion, meaning, what IS actually my choice? Ever notice in life some people, they work hard, have the opportunity, and seem to achieve their dream(s) almost effortlessly? Than others, work hard for years, honest and integrity only to have nothing to show after many years of work. That is the illusion, and I think someone may be fooling you with this 'carrot' to make you think you have opportunity, when you do not. I'm sorry for this mouthful that you may not understand, but when I came to this realization I stopped living by 'their' rules and started to live by mine, on my terms. I also had to say goodbye to many 'friends' and 'family' along the way, but I found who I am. I now know, by heart, who I really am, and that will give you a great sense of self confidence if you are willing to achieve.

I may be wrong, but I have the feeling that you know you could get that 'carrot' if you really wanted. It's just a matter of what/who you'd be willing to compromise to get it, like many others have no problem doing. This may be the very lesson someone wants you to learn, though what do I know, maybe someone just wants us to go to Baskin Robbins(Does that still exist? I haven't seen one for years.) Many people have asked me why I gave up what I loved, and few have understood the 'sacrifice' that I made, but that's ok. I've 'traded up' in my opinion, but that's just my little secret... And what do I do now you ask? Whatever I can, whatever I can(and I don't say that lightly for those who will understand) Peace
 

JDot

1 Peter 5:7
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#12
Hi @M4321 It's understandable to be depressed when your dream just isn't working out. It's unfair and frustrating. But not everything's lost. Things are slow right now because of Covid but hopefully they'll pick up. And don't forget you actually are a lawyer. We're here for you.
 

M4321

Well-Known Member
#13
Hey, Hey, well you are talking to Mr Depression and Humiliation is my middle name(and I'd have it no other way)lol. I hope many on SF are listening to this because it could be one of life's many lessons...

First thing I will say about myself, is I don't(what's the word I want to use here, hmm) let's just say 'bend the truth' as I prefer to give it straight than sugarcoated, because that is the way I prefer to hear it myself. Unfortunately, 'the truth' is often hurtful and not popular as well, resulting in shots given to the messenger. You know why I do that though? Because I found awhile ago that, 'False hope is worse than no hope'. Does that make sense to you? So many people live with this ever growing guilt on their back, having to 'keep the appearance' for the friends/family, and the worst,(listen to this)BECOME SOMETHING THEY'RE NOT, TO GET SOMETHING THEY WANT. You see, I failed to mention before that I COULD have made it in music, I COULD still be in it today in some form I'm sure, but I didn't like the person I was turning into, I didn't like the people I had to pretend to like, I didn't like the things I was being forced to do, and I didn't like the fake smile I was supposed to wear. Yet, GOD, I sure wanted that carrot dangling in front of me though...

I had to learn a life lesson that, what is really reality and illusion, meaning, what IS actually my choice? Ever notice in life some people, they work hard, have the opportunity, and seem to achieve their dream(s) almost effortlessly? Than others, work hard for years, honest and integrity only to have nothing to show after many years of work. That is the illusion, and I think someone may be fooling you with this 'carrot' to make you think you have opportunity, when you do not. I'm sorry for this mouthful that you may not understand, but when I came to this realization I stopped living by 'their' rules and started to live by mine, on my terms. I also had to say goodbye to many 'friends' and 'family' along the way, but I found who I am. I now know, by heart, who I really am, and that will give you a great sense of self confidence if you are willing to achieve.

I may be wrong, but I have the feeling that you know you could get that 'carrot' if you really wanted. It's just a matter of what/who you'd be willing to compromise to get it, like many others have no problem doing. This may be the very lesson someone wants you to learn, though what do I know, maybe someone just wants us to go to Baskin Robbins(Does that still exist? I haven't seen one for years.) Many people have asked me why I gave up what I loved, and few have understood the 'sacrifice' that I made, but that's ok. I've 'traded up' in my opinion, but that's just my little secret... And what do I do now you ask? Whatever I can, whatever I can(and I don't say that lightly for those who will understand) Peace
Yours is a perspective I hadn't really considered before and you've given me a lot of things to think about and I will do that. Maybe there are other ways to get the proverbial carrot or there might be other carrots that I haven't seen yet that I'd be satisfied with. I can't be quite as deep as you so I'll leave it there but I thank you for your thoughts.
 

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