Hi ! Since this is my first post I sorta feel obligated to tell you about myself, but I really dont feel like it. To get to the point; I was put in a group home in August of 06 for not going to school. I have a problem with meeting new people, in person at least. I'm very self conscious. I moved from Minnesota to Pennsylvania in the 7th grade, and I've never been the same. I never knew I had a fear of people until I moved here. I don't know how to adjust, that's the thing. When I was in that group home, I hated it at first. I didnt talk to anyone, however everyone seemed to be intrested in talking to *ME*. This bothered me at first, now, 2 years later (almost), as much as I hated being told what to do by a bunch of people who really dont care about me, I really miss my roomates. Those girls, every single one of them, were like my sisters. They understood me. They had gone through worse things in life than I have, but they understood everything. Unlike people here, they're like, "you should be greatful." "some people dont have this, this blahblah". That was the source of my hatred for myself. I felt selfish for hating everything when everyone else thought I had so much. My one roomate, Amy, she taught me that pain is pain. No matter where it comes from, it feels the same. I miss these girls so much. I miss everything. Now, I'm starting a new school, *AGAIN*, and I honestly cant deal with it. I'm being kind of watched, kind of monitored, you know, by the courts and the system. I dont want to go to another group home. I cant. I wont. I don't know why I'm like this. I've been out of this group home for a little over 2 weeks and I've laready missed 5 days of school because I'm afraid to go. The other day, my mom came home and yelled at me for not going. She told me taht adopting me was the worst mistake of her and my dads lives, that if I get put back into a group home she will not have contact with me, that she's given up on me and that I just use them. That I don't care about them. I care, I care so much. I love them. So much, they are my everything. It doesnt seem like it because of what I do, and I dont know if I'm making excuses or not but I really cannot help the fact that I fear people the way I do. And it's not neccecairly fear ethier, it's more like... anxiousness? I dont know, that feeling that you get when you meet a new person... or better yet, if someone put you in the middle of China, you didnt know ANYONE, anywhere, no money, couldnt speak the language and you thought everyone was looking at you as if you dont belong and you didnt know what to do. THAT's what it feels like when I goto school. I want to be home schooled, I do. But I dont wanna let my parents down. They want to see me graduate, goto prom with a "nice boy", etc.. and if I get homeschooled, what's there going to be? Nothing. Me sitting at home on a computer learning. But my life would be so much easier if it were that way. I've considered suicide, attempted it, didnt get caught but I obviously didnt succeed ethier. I'm sick of being a let down. A failure. I'm sick of having my parents think they're terrible human beings. I'm sick of hearing my mom cry at night because of me. If there were no more me, what would be to cry about? I just feel that I'm a terrible disturbance in everyones lives, and I dont deserve anything I have.