I hate feeling like this...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by cloud9, Mar 26, 2010.

  1. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

    I know this is going to sound really silly and irrational of me, but I really don't have control over my emotions. I feel like they have control over me. Sometimes I just get hit with this "crummy" spell and feel really rotten. I know this is stupid...

    My roommate really bothers me. I think I can honestly say that I hate his guts. He does so well in university and it makes me jealous. He's not much of an athlete (I need to point out something that will make me feel better about this), but I guess at the end of the day its the grades that get you places. He also always dresses well wearing Abercrombie & Fitch and Mexx clothing. He also has high self-esteem and confidence which I lack. I hate it. He's got everything that I don't. He's also more confident around girls than I am. Another flipping ace up his sleeve.

    Now what really got my blood boiling with this guy is how he would love to pick and make fun of me. I'm okay about cracking jokes now and again, but something about his intentions......seemed like he wanted me to look bad. I especially hated it when he did it in front of girls, and I was literally going to go ape shit when he would say stuff in front of the girl I liked. Anyways I've really stopped talking to him now and to some degree he gets it, but I still hate his guts. I can't shake my hatred for him.

    Now what makes me feel worse is that I have the impression he likes the same girl I do. I'm sure he does. Now I know what you're thinking. I realize I'm being a bit of a sour puss for letting this bother me, but I can't help it. Like I said my emotions just take over. Besides, its not like I'm open about this feeling in public with people I know. SF is really my only outlet to express the not so nice side of myself without fear of repercussion.

    Anyways when I got to class this morning, I saw my roommate there talking with my crush. They looked like there were having a great time, giggling, laughing. I just had this sudden onset of feeling sick about it. That entire class I couldn't concentrate, my mind was just on them. I might as well have not attended class. Class ended and I just booked it. Didn't hang back and talk to my friends like I normally do. I just needed to get out, I needed to get on SF and I needed to say it on here.

    Can I just forget about her? Forget about them? How do I go about doing this? I feel like this is having more of a controlling affect on my life than I want :(
  2. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    I get the same way sometimes, an intense jealousy of others (in my case, it's people who have skills in writing and drawing. It's less hating them and hating myself, which admitted not any better).

    I would suggest talking to him about this, but I'm not sure if he's the kind of person that would take it seriously (from the way you describe him at least).
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    control of emotions that takes coping skills practice I am not good with emotions either but i know how hard it can be especially with low self esteem and insecurities. I hope you could reach out for help with some coucilling or therapy to help with your jealousy and other emotions that you find hard to control. It does help. take care okay
  4. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    Letting go of them would be the first thing on my list. They are a lost cause.

    I know that you like the girl, but it sounds like it's time to move on.

    Are you able to get a different roomie? Someone more like you?
  5. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    you know i totally hear ya when you say you hate your roomie and i completely and totally trust that you do, but i would like to encourage you to try something very different for ya i'm totally sure. i've encouraged others with this and i would like to encourage you as well. this guy has come or been brought into your life for a reason up to this point i'm sure you're probably just thinking it been totally to make you feel horrible about many things. i tend to try to find the brighter side to things. speaking only for myself if i don't try to find or make a brighter side in any situation it will always get the best of me, and i simply can't nor will allow this to happen. it would have honestly taken my life many years ago had i. i would encourage you to maybe look at his strengths and it will probably take quite a bit of self talk i know i would be willing to help you here of course only if you wanted but i have to encourage you to look at his strengths and think about those things that it will probably take for you to do this for yourself. i'm not saying you should become all proud and rude and disrespectful towards those less fortunate and they are out there. but encourage you to consider what types of traits, ideas, knowings one must feel when they are so self confident and like who they are. what did they have that you didn't is one way to look at it, but you cannot and must not dwell on the could of would of should of's. that will never lead you anywhere helpful ever. don't focus on what you didn't have because obviously it wasn't all avaliable for you like it wasn't for me either. i just watched other people and learned a lot by watching them and how they felt about themselves, or how they would handle themselves and would ask myself what appear to be the healthiest things to take away from all of this. turn the negatives into positives it does absolute wonders and the girls will fall all over and totally respect the self confidence speaking as a woman myself i find it to be a very appealing quality when not taken to the other extreme of being prideful. anyways, just thought i would encourage you to take on a different or new perspective here a different way to see things that has definately helped me a lot throughout the years.

    take care
  6. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

    Thank you, all of you! *hug