It always comes back. Right now is a good time to do things I usually enjoy and I can't gather myself up to do them. I don't want to spend the day mindlessly staring at the walls or internet pages. I also hate feeling guilty that I have depression because I believe that I shouldn't have depression. It's hard to keep it in the spectrum of being a disease rather than a temporary state of mind. I managed to drag myself over to the treadmill and walk slowly for 5 minutes, and I managed to sit in a pleasant room with sunshine and read daily scripture for awhile. I even had a symphony station playing softly. No difference after doing these things, so it's not a temporary state of mind. Having depression like this gets real old. It makes me even feel worse. I know it will pass and I know it'll come back, even though I work a good personal program to manage my depression. I want to be better. I want to feel alive and part of life again. It's cruel that I get only glimpses of it.