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i hate humanity

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by hollowvoice, Oct 19, 2010.

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  1. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    i dont want to live in a world that would rather hurt peole than help them
    i am destroying everything i ever felt good about so that when im gone people wont say nice things about me which i dont deserve,i will be out of here by xmas because i cant face all the fake BS that i am forced to smile along with,when all the time the only thing i can see is me laying on the floor dead.
    why am i having visions of sleeping with something round my neck.
    why hav'nt i eaten for 5 days,is it really in hope that ill collapse hit my head and die or the hope that my heart wont be able to take the lack of nourishment im pathetic how can i be happy for a day and take the slightest knock and it takes me into a deep dark depression that forces me to hide away not opening the curtains everyday.
    i just cant face another xmas alone,cold,sad hoping someone will talk to me when i dont want anyone to talk to me,
  2. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    I wish I could find the words which would make you feel better even if it was for a short time. I really do think you are a great guy.
    Thinking of you
    Take care
  3. lapazyelamor

    lapazyelamor Well-Known Member

    ii know how it feels bro....i cant spend this christmas alone anymore either ...i wont live to see christmas ... all the best

  4. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    thanks sunny but im not a great guy
    thanks lapazyelamor i wish you well
    i just want to go before i let anyone else down
  5. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    hey andi. you wanna catch up? i'm not up to anything over christmas.
  6. LillMy8989

    LillMy8989 Well-Known Member

    I feel you, and doesn't just says so cause I'm there too, I definitely feel you right to the bones... Humanity destroys, disgusts... I just want to be 'normal', 'cuse me doctor for saying something stupid *squirrel*

    Eating problem controls by feeling nauseous every meal I'm eating, and if I don't it makes my tummy go mad says you doesn't deserve food just lying sleepy :mushroom: .

    Biggest shit in this hell is that I'm stucked and absolutely NO way to go anymore that can get to my getaway... I'm losing hope for everyday, trust for my psychologist is just not there no more, trust for life and MYself is even getting harder, am I a person, human being..? Thats the hardest one.

    Struggle, struggle, struggle....but still... nothing.
  7. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Sweetie...did something happen to set this off? Please let us know...big hugs, J
  8. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    thank you sadeyes but all that happened was i woke up today..
    its no ones fault,but as the end of the month/year approaches i lose my will to fight anymore,id just like to apologise to anyone,everyone,somebody
    i used to really enjoy the xmas build up,nowadays its a slide down.
  9. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Then do not start this early and make plans to have company...there are several offers here and you can schedule things so that you are not alone...put me in your calling card and I will make sure I check in...big hugs, J
  10. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    my fear is for now
    i pray i dont wake tomorow
  11. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    there are a lot of bad people in the world who like to hurt people. there are also a lot good people in the world. there is a struggle then between the darkness and the light. if you can stay and live, you can help make the world better.

    please don't destroy the things that you love. if you do, you have let bad people manipulate you into doing bad things too. can you say more about this? what is going on?

    no, you're not. i think you are just internalizing the negative messages that you are getting from others. often the people who abuse have a low self-image, and they deal with it by attacking other people. it's quite shameful, but that's what some people do.

    well, you've probably had a lot of knocks before, and it just deepens the wounds

    a lot of people get depressed around xmas. i think that seasonal change and lower light levels have a lot to do with it. also feeling alone at a time when you feel like being with others. you can plan to find others to be with around xmas. maybe we could even have our own sf xmas, we can all log in on xmas!

    hmmm... a yuletide log in ...
  12. I don't just dream of not waking up, I'd be ecstatic to learn I was gonna die a natural death. In fact, that was the first thing I thought when I learned my bro had cancer "why couldn't it be me"
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