I hate it all, especially him, I hate my life right now, I hate being so ill

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by x BrokenBabydoll x, Aug 14, 2012.

  1. x BrokenBabydoll x

    x BrokenBabydoll x Well-Known Member

    I hate my mother's husband. I hate him with a passion. I would have hurt him by now if I didn't think it would upset my mother. They got married 2 years ago, me and my mum have the same condition Chiari 1 Malformation, hers is more progressed than mine and she can't do much now so she depends on him for money. He's a soldier with the British Army.

    When they first married he got them into huge debt paying for porn, gambling and loans to fix a car that hadn't worked from the day he bought it. He stole from the army and left my mum to deal with the soldiers searching the house and sitting outside for days. It got to a point where my little sister and mum were lucky if they had just 2 tesco value sausages to eat all day. lucky. because sometimes they would go 3 days without food as he spent all his money at the overpriced shop in camp buying pasties and sandwiches, crisps and chocolate and fizzy drinks all for himself. He gambled online and had loads of expensive porn subscriptions. There was never any money for my family. I was the lucky one because by the time they got married I had moved to Bristol and had my own flat. I had such a good life compared to them and even now I feel guilty for it.

    Eventually he let my mum take control of the finances and she fixed it all. Worked with the people and companies he owed money to and set up payment plans, cancelled the stupid subscriptions to gambling and porn. They lived normally for about a year. Then, 2 months ago he took the bank card from my mums purse and refused to let her control the finances anymore. I've had to move home to look after my ill mum and my 15yo sister. They depend on me now and that's scary and so stressful. We depend on my state benefits to live but now i'm in debt for the first time in my life. I know i'm only 19 but i've never had a credit card, a loan, any kind of finance or payment plans or overdraft i've only lived off what I had. Now i'm £350 into my overdraft which I had to set up last month to take care of my family. I don't know how I will ever pay that back or get out of my overdraft but I will keep extending it if I have to. I just HATE having to be the one to do this, the one to run the family, to be the one who they all depend on to make sure they have food and electricity and gas and water and tv and internet its all on me and it's all his fucking fault.

    But i'm not allowed to say anything bad about him, he's hurt me and my mum physically but when I called the police the military police and guard refused to let them onto the base. The army protects him from any police investigation and then his bosses come round here telling me that I can't badmouth the army that it would be bad if what he did was known to the general public because it would effect the armys reputation. So I told them everything and it still doesn't matter, they still protect him. I HATE THE ARMY RIGHT NOW> I FUCKING HATE THEM. they cover their own arses and protect their soldiers even when it isn't right too, even when he chokes me unconcious and punched my sick mother, mny mother who could be paralysed or fall into a coma or serious heart arrythmia from any 'heavy contact' falls, even just stumbling can injure her further but the army thinks it okay for him to punch her in the back of the neck where her malformation is most vulnerable, hit her so hard she seized right there in front of me and just walked off. Why does he get away with it just because he's a soldier?

    Don't get me wrong by the way, I respect and support our troops, here and abroad but I don't like the actual machine and bureaucracy of the army. It's wrong to protect him just because he's a soldier. I'm so stressed, I can't cope with this. I only got out of the psych ward 4 months ago after attempting suicide, I have Borderline Personality Disorder as well as my physical issues and I was barely coping even before all this crap came along. I hate this all I hate being in charge.

    Just as my life finally became good, just as I got it together and finally slowly began to move on with my life I have to move back home. I love my mum so much, I know she has to cope with a lot and that she's ill but she bitches about him constantly to me, she goes on and on about her illness. I love her so much and I want her to be better so badly. But everyone forgets that i'm ill too, mentally and physically. That I need neurosurgery at some point soon aswell. That it could kill me. That I suffer the same symptoms as my mum. That sometimes all I want to do is die. But I never get to talk about my problems.

    Sorry it's so long.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Get a lawyer charge him for what he is doing to you and your mom hell with army reputation hun YOU are what matters here
     
  3. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I think it's very admirable at such a young age what you have done and sacrificed to look after your mum and your sister. What your mum's partner has done is despiccable and I think it's disgusting that the military police won't let the police on base. Have you tried making reports to the military police about what is going on when he gets violent? Also, how does your mum feel about it all. It sounds like you are all better out of that environment, and there are agencies and charities out there than can help you all with that.