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I hate life - want to end mine on birthday

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Smokescreen, Aug 24, 2007.

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  1. Smokescreen

    Smokescreen Member

    I don't want to live anymore. I want the means to part with my body.

    I watched Anna Nicole's son pass when he turned 20, so I figure it's as good a time as any. 20 years on this planet was a normal life just a few centuries ago. It's too bad I will die a virgin male. I can't even bring up the courage to get a prostitute. I am not dysfunctional in life, but I am very unhappy. I have a supportive family that loves me, but it's not the kind of love that I desire.

    It seems like one day I can be happy and cheerful then the next is as sour as lemons. I was once in therapy, but it didn't help, all they want is to collect my money and medicate me so Pfizer can give them a bonus.

    I live in California, the land of fake people.

    I wish the world went to hell and zombies plagued the Earth so that I could at least have fun trying to survive instead of slowly having my sanity decay as the world turns a blind eye to my demise. I wanted to join the army and kill people in Iraq, not because I believe in the cause, but because I hate humanity. We are the bane of all life. We are a parasite of the Earth.

    It's no wonder aliens don't want anything to do with us, we're pathetic, immature and violent. I speak with myself included, so fuck it, fuck it all.

    The plan has been set, I will disappear and be but a ripple in the pond of human existence, as will all of you.

    I hope you enjoy your time suffering, I on the other hand, have had enough of it.

    - Bon Voyage
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Despite humans being designed as selfish creatures, there are those who have the capacity to leep beyond that. If your family loves you then what is causing you to have this outlook on life.
  3. silent_enigma

    silent_enigma Well-Known Member

    Smokescreen, too bad you'll hurt your family by doing so.

    Also, it seems like a lot of the young bacholers on this site are completely distressed over not having a girlfriend right now. Jeez, it's not such a big deal.
  4. Smokescreen

    Smokescreen Member

    //Despite humans being designed as selfish creatures, there are those who have the capacity to leep beyond that. If your family loves you then what is causing you to have this outlook on life.//

    The family is a mother and a younger brother, and I do care about them, but the love and relationship that I so desire is different. You can't have intimate body contact without a partner, and that is the kind of love that I desire. Someone to cuddle with, someone to kiss, someone to have sex with; family can't and shouldn't do that.

    //Smokescreen, too bad you'll hurt your family by doing so.//

    Suicide may be a selfish act, but look around, who in the world isn't engaging in selfish acts? The family will suffer, just as a child mourns the loss of a pet, but people will move on, although they will always retain memories.

    This is my life, I am a 19 year old adult, and the decision to self-terminate is entirely mine.

    //Also, it seems like a lot of the young bacholers on this site are completely distressed over not having a girlfriend right now. Jeez, it's not such a big deal.//

    It's not about the lack of girlfriend, it's about the lack of someone you can truly confide in, someone you can touch in every way that your hands desire, someone that you can cherish with all your being. It is a big deal.

    In centuries past human beings have always sought mates during their teen years. Many times people would not even live to their thirties. Look at animals, the moment they are sexually capable they begin to reproduce. Are you to suggest that we are any different? If so, then why are the majority of teens on this planet having sex shortly after learning of their newfound capability to reproduce?

    Months ago I was in the situation where some here are now, where even meeting a girl was impossible. I got over that and I forced myself to make it happen. I forced myself into very uncomfortable social circumstances and I even got the chance to meet the girl on a second date.

    But I digress, because women my age are not interested in a guy who is honest and serious, they only want to laugh and have fun partying. Older women are not interested either, they immediately shrug me off as not worthy. Why? Because they assume that I am immature like the rest of my age dictating peers. Alas, the older women desire men who are wealthy and who will buy them presents at every occasion. I am not wealthy. I cannot do that.

    Women just aren't attracted to me, even after the 2nd or 3rd date. As it is I am going to leave for a date right now in an hour to go see a movie. But I know that nothing will ever come of this, because once she sees who I am she will not be interested. Women, young women want to have fun and they expect the guy to orchestrate every bit of it.

    I find it terribly ironic how women in today's society believe they are entitled to all of the privileges as men, they wish to be treated equal, and yet they also expect the guy to do all the work when it comes to relationships. I simply find this to be distastefully hypocritical.

    Perhaps I need to find a woman that will allow me to be the "s" in the D/s relationship because I can't seem to find anyone who will meet me half way the normal way.
  5. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    I very much think that their's someone out there for everyone. Do you go out clubbing? Joined a particular club or society?

    It seems like you have poor experience with women and I don't mean first hand but your perception of them is that of a materialistic, shallow minded being. Some women are like that, others aren't. Same with men.

    If you end your life then how will ever have the chance to meet someone.
  6. Smokescreen

    Smokescreen Member

    So this girl turns out to be just another one of those drug obsessed felines. I for one prefer to interact consciously instead of having to always be wasted or stoned. This is what I hate about my age group, no one cares to be genuine or authentic, everyone simply wants to be on cloud nine.

    What the fuck!?

    After the booze started coming out at the party she wanted to go to I waited around for an hour and a half and all that they were doing was drinking and watching some regular television. As if things couldn't get more depressing...

    I had to drive and was tired so I just excused myself and drove home. I only had one beverage and still I felt intoxicated while on the road. A couple hours of drinking alcohol are not worth a damn if you get a DUI.

    I hate this crap, and the worst part is that older people, namely women who are mature enough to not be wasted all the time are only interested in older men who are financially well off and act like arrogant pricks.

    I think I am a suicidal misanthropist.
  7. shadi_saleh

    shadi_saleh Active Member

    You know, finding a good one takes time. And I know time seems to be against us, but we must strive on. If all the women you met are either puerile twits or crack-heads, it doesn't mean that every other woman you meet will be of the same hue. Theres a myriad of different personalities out there. Seeking a complementary one takes time.

    And while your Hobbesian outlook on life is rather interesting, it's not too conducive to achieving happiness. You must strive harder my friend. Don't give up now; you're just beginning the prime of your life, and it would rather be a waste to throw it all away.
  8. Smokescreen

    Smokescreen Member

    Well at least my waste of life would be for a reason other than war profiteering (if you catch my drift.)

    It's strange, even if I had the woman of my dreams would I still be happy? Probably not. That right there explains wonders.

    But still, I am not happy being a virgin, at least when you've lost your virginity you don't have to explain your inexperience.
  9. Smokescreen

    Smokescreen Member

    (no message)
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 27, 2007
  10. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Have pmed you hun.
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