A very good point "A Friend 36",
I know these emotions have been raging inside of you for some time now, but the assumption that it will always be like this is not true. Your right, there is no switch you can just flip but there are weapons you can use to fight this depression, the memories from your past, and emotional pain. By understanding the nature of the beast, depression, we learn how to be free from it.
We know that emotions fluctuate. We know that emotions feed emotions. We know that just a couple of life changes can bring you from depressed to happy.
For example: 1). The idea life will always be like this. If you continue to do the same things you will get the same results. Maybe you need to report abusive parents, maybe find new friends, maybe find new activities. Changing the routine will change the results.
Emotions fluctuate. Emotions are like the flame on a gas stove. They are on, off, high or low. Several burners can be on at the same time. Emotions are responses to thoughts and actions and this can become a cycle as thoughts and actions are the result of emotions. This is called the Behavior Chain. However, by changing the thought or action you can thereby change the emotion. example, you are at a party. you see a beautiful girl and you go up to her to talk. The entire time you are trying to have a conversation with her she is distracted, looking around for someone, and only giving you half of her attention. What are your thoughts? Do you think, "I am such a looser, what was I thinnking this girl would be attracted to me. She can't wait to get away from me and she is looking for an escape!" If those are your thoughts then how do you imagine you would feel? You may feel low self esteen, shame, self conscious, hopeless. You may even leave the party feeling like a complete looser. HOWEVER: If you thought, "wow, this girl is really being rude she's not even listening to half of what I'm saying! And she keeps looking around for someone. Maybe she's received bad news and she's waiting for someone she knows." Now, if you had these thoughts how would you feel? You may irratated, concerned, compassionate. And how will it effect your behavior? You may ask the girl, "whats up?" or you might excuse yourself and find someone else who has the decency to listen to you when your talking to them.
Emotioons feed emotions: The more you think about how miserable you are, how life sucks, how nothing can go right for you the more miserable you feel. Also, everytime something bad happens you can say to yourself, "see! everything bad happens to me!". It's called a self fullfilling prophesy. If you are only looking for bad things, and then when one comes along, it becomes a justification for why things are miserable and will always be miserable. By feeling an emotion opposite to depression, anger, anxiety for example, you can reduce those feelings. Watch a humorous movie. Play a video game, sleep, go for a ride, etc.. sometimes referred to as distractions. When used in moderation they can effectively divert your thoughts from suicidal to numb or help you forget them alltogether.
Just a couple of life changes: It is true that one good friend, meeting someone of the opposite sex and falling in love, a career change, inheriting a million dollars .. (sorry couldn't resist.. wouldn't it be great!) Anyway, even one of these changes can completely alter your mental state. And, you just never know what your future holds, tomorrow may be the day you meet your future wife and best friend.
So, there really is a lot of hope yet. A LOT of hope. And you really do have some control. These weapons against depression cannot guarantee life will not throw a few defeating turns in our direction but they can change our ability to cope with them.
I know this is long but one last thing that has helped me to be free of the past and the abuse and neglect I suffered. I think of the past as a projection on the movie screen. We can be emotionally moved by what we see but IT CANNOT harm us, or reach out of the screen, or step down from the screen. It is a movie playback. And, I don't have to watch it and if it jumps into my mind and rattles me I remind myself it's just a movie. Just an echo from the past which I have survived. Because you HAVE survived it. It's in the past. It cannot be changed. But you are now, in the present. And, because it's very difficult to think about two things at once if you can memorize an inspirational peom or think about and hear a favoorite song in your head. That can shift your thoughts from that projector screen to a different one. (probably the reason there are so many workaholics)
Be well,
