There are so many horrible things in my head and in the world around me that I can't take it. People are cold and selfish. They need to be entertained and satisfied and impressed and I just can't do it and I can't see the value in doing it either. I have nothing to offer them, and they have nothing to offer me. The government is evil and oppressive. Everything and everyone is doomed. I can't stand the bickering, the arguing, the fighting, the clawing. And the planet is dying-- we're killing everything until finally the world decides it has had enough and it's going to kill us, and we know that we're responsible but at the same time nothing is changing-- it just keeps getting worse and worse until finally something is going to happen to kill us all... and there's nothing we can do because the fight is too large and even if I decided to be a part of the solution there would be no way to convince enough people to follow and they would destroy the world and the only comfort I would have in my last remaining seconds on the planet would be that I wasn't responsible, even though it wouldn't matter anyways. Helping other people to have better lives is a waste of time and counterproductive-- there are too many people already without saving/helping others feel better about themselves. Seriously, I don't think that any single member of the human race has the right to feel good about themselves, considering how many of us there are, what we do to the planet, to each other, to ourselves... and all the comforts of technology and sex and drugs and religion and hate and families that inherit our own perpetual eternal emptiness. I want a relationship, but I feel like the only reason I want one is to distract me from the inherent shittiness of the world... and to be honest, I think I'm too selfish to really have anything to offer anyone anyways. Plus I wouldn't want to inflict myself upon them, but it's okay, because no one is interested anyways-- for a good reason. And the longer I go without someone, and the more I keep pushing people away and spending all of my time alone, the more and more I feel like I'm turning into some sort of horrible irredeemable monster who can't enjoy anything and has zero empathy, patience or value... and in a society this cold and hollow and superficial, not having value is probably the worst thing in the world. I feel like killing myself would actually be a good thing... for me, and for everyone else. And of course other people would say 'NO NO NO NO don't do it', but they don't have any reasons to say that, they just say it because they're programmed to, or because they have some irrational impulse to save every human life because it's all precious and special and wonderful-- well, no, it isn't... almost 7 billion people means that no one is particularly special or important or worthwhile... it's all an act, or propaganda. Nothing we do is particularly important either. Life is not worth living.