Sorry, just need to rant... It's just not fair. I should be a father in a few weeks, I should be married or soon to be. I shouldn't be a single, depressive, suicidal wreck. I shouldn't be in constant pain while I wait for doctors to get their fucking arse's in gear. I shouldn't be sitting here getting drunk. I should be a bloody father, looking after my wife and son. I should be having the happiest moments of my life, not sitting here having lost the love of my life and thinking about killing myself. I know the only way to even have a hope of getting her back is to get myself better, and earlier I felt like I was slowly getting there. But right now I miss her so bloody much I can hardly stop myself from crying. Every time I try to talk to her it comes out wrong. All I want to do is hold her again and feel complete. I never want to hurt her but that's all I end up doing it seems. I'd do anything just to be able to tell her how much I really do love her, just once without my fears or incompetance with words getting in the way. I'm not going to kill myself, and I am going to do everything possible to get better. But it just all hurts too much right now to keep it inside.