I hate life

Discussion in 'Let it all out...' started by Malcontent, Oct 26, 2006.

  1. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    Sorry, just need to rant...

    It's just not fair. I should be a father in a few weeks, I should be married or soon to be. I shouldn't be a single, depressive, suicidal wreck. I shouldn't be in constant pain while I wait for doctors to get their fucking arse's in gear. I shouldn't be sitting here getting drunk. I should be a bloody father, looking after my wife and son. I should be having the happiest moments of my life, not sitting here having lost the love of my life and thinking about killing myself. I know the only way to even have a hope of getting her back is to get myself better, and earlier I felt like I was slowly getting there. But right now I miss her so bloody much I can hardly stop myself from crying. Every time I try to talk to her it comes out wrong. All I want to do is hold her again and feel complete. I never want to hurt her but that's all I end up doing it seems. I'd do anything just to be able to tell her how much I really do love her, just once without my fears or incompetance with words getting in the way.

    I'm not going to kill myself, and I am going to do everything possible to get better. But it just all hurts too much right now to keep it inside.
     
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Been there Mal and worn the t-shirt. Still have days where i wonder what the hell i'm getting up for.
    like you I've lost the love of my life, nothing I can do about it but hope the pain eventually stops.

    I hope your relationship works out better than mine. :hug: :hug:

    ps:never apologise for a rant, sometimes it's the only way to get it out.
     
  3. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Dear Mal;

    You rant and rave as much as you like - letting off steam (so it doesn't blow up inside you) is a good thing and healthy for you. I'm glad you're going to stay with us, but I feel for you in your misery and pain.:sad: I pray everything starts moving in the right direction for you and yours. You're stronger than you know, you'll get thru this and be the better for it.:smile: I believe in you.:smile: :smile: :smile:

    love,

    least xoxoxox
     
  4. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I know how you feel hun, you are strong to keep taking care of yourself, for surviving...we all are so much stronger than we think possible. And keep up the venting it really helps cope without self-harm and other detructive things. You are good at venting. I hope you feel better hun, and if you need a friend to talk with you have a friend and someone to talk to now! :wink: :hug:




    You take care of yourself hun.... :hug:





    ~With hugs,
    Carolyn~