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I Hate Mornings

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by BBM77, May 24, 2015.

  1. BBM77

    BBM77 Active Member

    Every morning, the routine never fails me. I'm an insomniac, I never get sleep half the time. When I do, it's not good enough.

    When I stay up in the morning, my mind can work in three ways: Panic, Bored, Honesty and Depression.

    Panic - Right now, this is how I'm feeling, in a sense. I feel as if every twitch or something cold going with my body or anything. I keep thinking I'm gonna die any second when I know I may get better later in the day. I keep worrying about the smallest of things, every sound leading to something drastic, everything I see out of the blue as an omen, whatever the case is. I hate it. Body shivers over the slightest things and my mind cannot for the life of me, stop repeating thoughts I don't wish to think about like lost relationships or things that could've played different like falling outs with friends.

    Bored - I have so many things I could be doing with my time that I simply choose not to do. I could read one book of the 30+ in my collection, I could play a game out of the 200+ I have with Steam or GOG or what have you. I could listen to music, watch videos etc. Something, just something. Yet here I am, cycling through sites, hoping and wishing for something to happen or someone to speak to me. The stupid thing is, I gripe how less of a time I feel from enjoying what I want to do. When I could've done it at anypoint of the day.

    Honesty - I've always told some people that mornings are the best time to talk to me. Why? Because that's when I get my feelings out the most and opinions spoken about anything. Be it someone I know or someone they know that I remotely know. Any other point of the day, I just don't sit down enough to keep a conversation or that I speak little.

    Depression - For about a good solid 5 hours, I spend it by thinking a lot of the past and play with thoughts and scenarios in my head of various things. It distracts me sometimes from thinking of what I could be doing with my time and what I need to be doing. But I can't help myself to think of it sometimes.

    All of these things combined make it so I only ever get about 4 hours of sleep. When I do finally sleep, it's like 7 in the morning and I wake up at 2PM or later in the evening. Then wonder why most of my day is wasted.