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I hate my body, myself, and everything about my life

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Mordeci, Mar 8, 2010.

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  1. Mordeci

    Mordeci Banned Member

    I am looking at myself in the miror and I absoultly despise what I see. Beyond my body proportions being all wrong (as in ugly), I am also severly over weight. It has reached a point where I really don't know what to do with myself. I can't imagine living like this for much longer and there is very little I can do about it. Beyond that my situation is terriable, I have no job and very little prospects for the future that will make me happy. I am about to go into a school for a career I am really not sure I want and was probably pushed into. Currently I live off of my parents who can't seem to afford me, let alone their own bills. I am so far in debt, that I get a calls every hour from people asking me for money and it has become really upsetting. I have absoultly no friends and no one who cares about me. Nothing in my life has gone right and it dosen't seem like that will change anytime soon
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Andrew you have people here that care about you. I care about you. I know it isnt the same as having people in RL. It is little comfort or nothing at all at helping you with the situations you are in. But we do care hun. Stop looking in the mirror. Stop looking at the outside you. Close your eyes and see the person that I see when you post to other members. When you show just how caring and supportive you are to others. Now open them and go read some of the posts you've made to others. Recall the visitor messages you have passed along to those you call friends here.

    Take sometime to breath Andrew. Your parents problems are theirs. Not yours to worry about. It doesnt sound like they have approached you and asked you to try and financially help them out. So try not to worry. I know it affects you indirectly but they can and will do the best they can.

    Job? I know feels like you should have one. But if you are trying and not finding one you certainly arent alone there. So many people are having that same problem. If you really want to make some cash to try and pay off some of your debts even a fast food restuarant is atleast some money. Or have you got some muisc or game cd's you dont really use anymore. Sell them. Take a good look around your room and see if there arent some items that you really wont be needing once you're off to school. Money is money especially when you need it. We forget just how much "stuff" we have when we arent looking closely.

    Your weight well cant help you there. But that doesnt make who you are. Hell I've put on lots of weight in the last year alone. I hate it. I hate how I look. I'm used to being a tiny little thing (seriously before the last baby I was lucky to be 102 soaking weight. Now I'm teetering between 130 - 135. That's not fat to a lot of people but to me it is). I just dont like it. But completely honest...... I just dont have the drive or will to make diet and lifestyle changes right now. And I have to live with that. Either I do something about the weight or I dont. My choice. But I havent lost anyone dear to me because of how I look. So stop hating what you see in the mirror hun. What's inside is so much more important. And you arent liking that much either. So keep posting and let your friends and members here try and get you to see what we see ok? You truly are a very wonderful person inside and out!!!! :arms:
  3. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    Hey, Mordeci. I hate what I see in the mirror too because I am naturally underweight but too much of a hypochondriac and a little bit "manorexic" to overeat my way to the normal scale number for a 5' 10" male. My head is an over fertilized pumpkin, a damned zeppelin so I keep my hair short.

    I am poor and stuck living with my Terminator/Charles Manson father but I am not in the debt you are and for that pressure on you- on top of wrecked nerves I feel badly. Your being unemployed is perfectly understandable considering how thoroughly disabling clinical depression is. Clinical depression also leaves you feeling (myself too at the moment) like the future has nothing positive or hopeful to offer- only torment.

    As for friends, the last two of my "friends" kicked me to the curb by my first year after high school. I was no longer cool enough for them with my crippling depression and anxieties. I have several close friends today and they are all (but one) afflicted psychiatrically. We relate and emphathize with each other through our shared psychiatric struggles and modest lifestyles/living circumstances.

    I believe you will find people in your vicinity who will be wonderful friends. Can you go to a twelve step program like Emotions Anonymous or maybe attend a local mental health agency sponsored meeting place? Granted, you are not going to meet glamorous and affluent socialites in such venues but you will meet people who can become solid lifelong friends you can depend on.

    I hope you feel some hope soon! :console:
  4. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    Hi Mordeci,

    I believe it is society that makes it so easy for us to despise ourselves. The first thing to realize is that the odds are stacked against anyone who doesn't fit society's definition of success. It is so important to challenge this definition, as it does not reflect who we really are. It is no wonder that we often try to find emotional solace through addiction whether it be drugs, alcohol, or food. Then as we get further and further away from that illusory 'ideal', we berate ourselves even more. The first step is realizing that we can challenge the false beliefs which no longer serve us. The vicious cycle will continue unless we all stand up to the false beliefs that have been passed down since childhood. We do not have to listen to the messages that tell us we don't measure up. Once old beliefs are replaced with a new set of beliefs (the truth of our intrinsic worth), what we see reflected in the mirror is very different than the person we saw before. It might not happen right away, but it will happen if we begin to love ourselves unconditionally, as God (the source) loves each and every one of us.
  5. Mordeci

    Mordeci Banned Member

    Thanks for the replies but honeslty I don't feel too much better. I am still horifically overweight and not attractive, my job leads were dead ends and money is once again getting scarse. Life can not be this hard for other people, suicide would be a much more accepted option then, I just don't know how I am going to get out of bed in the morning anymore, not like I have a reason to.
  6. lonercarrot

    lonercarrot Well-Known Member

    i know what you mean, man... i hate my body too. and winter is over, won't be able to hide under a jacket much longer T^T. but dieting is easy to do when you have no money... at least there's that.
    and it's hard for some people but you can get a part time job to start paying off that debt.
  7. anonymuss

    anonymuss Member

    im a guy im 24, never had me a women...some people use to tell me im good looking way b4 however. Theyre are problably millions of people less good looking than me who have lots of relation . I know im not well placed to speak since im starting to feel ugly too but all i know is in this life it's all about personnality and luck.. I lack personnality and good humor and if you do to you will have zero chances in life sorry so don't think about your looks think about how you can attract people and become a better person to be with. For example try to calm down change the tone of your voice to something you personnaly prefer and see that people around you enjoy . Try to give compliments to other even if you have difficulty loving yourself. I think i'm similar to you and that is what i'm working on even if it's not completely working i'm seeing a little improvement. I hope you cheer up wether your 20 pds or 400 pds you're still an important person and life is a long road full of surprise if you choose to let yourself live ...
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