Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Kiba, Jun 21, 2012.
I want to to be abused...
It is very easy to hate ourselves, our bodies, or the way we look even if we think we are attractive or unattractive. This happens more so if we were abused sexually in one way or another. A lot of survivors of sexual abuse, especially when it was long term abuse, the brain somewhat gets rewired and the part of our brain that interprets pain and pleasure, sorrow, and gratification gets (for lack of a better word) confused and misinterprets what is happening as having a different meaning. My understanding is that we can view the abuse as a form of attention, and we as humans grave the contact, companionship, and attention of other people.
I tell you all that because in a slight way I really do understand the emotion of wanting to be abused. However, I will tell you something that you likely already know and that is that we don't want to be abused, we just want the human connection with another that will help fill that void, that empty space in the pit of our stomach.
I know you are hurting now, and by the directness of your post I can tell you are crying out for help. I hope you have a therapist you trust and feel comfortable enough to talk to about all of these feeling you are having. Just to let you know, you are welcome to inbox me if you need someone to talk to or meet me in chat, or whatever you are comfortable with.
Sorry it took so long for someone to respond. I have been to a lot of forums and sometimes a post can slip by unnoticed.
I hope you feel better soon.
Am trying to get therapy.. Not much help yet.. Very bad year.. They want me to see a more perm therapist for things but currently homeless.. insurance messed up this year but now fixed.. hope can see soon.. Get very bad lately.. and yes.. I associate the abuse with good feeling and death.. it's strange.. I am also Trans for two.. and I imagine myself different then actually am.. I look in mirror disgusted I feel so gross and not myself.. I hate my body..