I - Hate - My - Dad !!!! I Wish He Will Burn In Hell!!!!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Summer.Rain, Jul 30, 2008.

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  1. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    All my plans to build a life for myself, ended in a huge failure
    becouse of my facken dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    All i asked is some money to buy myself a flyght ticket and to pay
    for the first month to rent a small appartment.
    But nooooooooooooooooooooo HES A FUCKEN PISS OF SHIT
    what he said? he said, go find a job and earn your own money.
    But to get a job first i need to give away my israely passport
    which means i wount be able to go back to israel after that.
    Plus, all the jobs here pay around 300\350$ a month
    and to fly back to israel i need at least 1000$ to start with.
    Which means that even if ill work, i will be forced to work for 4 months
    beofre ill be able to fly to Israel, but then i will not have israely passport anymore. Plus if i want to work normally i must start to treat my depression
    but here in ukraine its impossible to do.

    So how it ends? im unable to work in here
    I have no money
    my brothers still thinks we are about to fly to israel together
    (he needs me becouse its his first time in israel) and i dont know how
    to tell him that all our plans failed becouse of my dad
    (he already start working on his visa and talking to his wife)

    So, everything failed, i still have to explain my brother that he is not going
    to fly to anywhere, and im stuck here with no treatment or money.
    My dad came home 30 min ago (from israel where he was for like 4 months)
    and he already fighting with my mom and runied my whole feauture.
    I wish i had a shotgun - so i could shoot him and then to shoot myself.

    i guess if nothing will be changed soon (and i give it 80% chance that nothing will change)
    then im going on with my plan to hang myself as soon as possible.
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    It is understandible that you are peturbed. Their might be a reason he said no. And actually he doesn't need to tell you anything. Being angry with him is not going to change things. I hated my dad for years and once he started having heartattacks and strokes I decided it was time to patch things up. We are getting along, better than before. So my advice is to cool off and try to sit down and just shoot the shit with him. He Isn't going to be around for ever.
    You are young and will have plenty of oppurtunities in the future. He is right to tell you to get a job.(it's called values) I don't know many people to have things handed to them on a plate. And I don't know anyone that hasn't worked for everything they own.
    I guess my point is you need to set things straight with him and to get a job..
  3. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    as i said, i cant get a job, not becouse i dont want to, but becouse i cant
    not in urkaine anyways....
  4. janie

    janie Well-Known Member

    ...uh...u asked him for what must be over $2000 for nothing an he refused. i think thats a pretty standard reply. Work for ur own way out of there man. Find a jo that doesnt make you gove up ur passport or give it up and figure out a way of gettin it back when u have the money.
  5. Tree1055

    Tree1055 Member

    I'm a firm believer in helping people that need help. Seeing your circs, it's safe to say its unfair, but managable. We come out of situations stronger, as the resistance in life builds our mental and physical attributes. someone who snipes a butterfly our of a cacoon, kills the butterfly. The break and struggling through thick encasings strengthens the butterfly's wings, and provides a strong blood flow, and he/she/whatever butterflies are, will survive and fly.

    Maybe its his way of seeing how you can fair, or maybe your accusations are right. thats only for people who are involved to say. I'm not a doctor, and not the second-coming, I'm only a mason with a little advice, so to say. i might be shit and unhelpful, or it might be very helpful. thats for people who take it to decide.

    I understand, I've been on the bumrap alot. less that others, or more. its applicable. but people here understand. life isn't always fair, and the ones that get abused by that same sentence are the ones in this forum. I think, the more we get hammered down by failed expectations/plans/life in general, and if we come out unhindered in plans and approach, the stronger we become. I'm here too though, so we all have problems. solveable and unsolveable.

    I guess thats alll I can really say. I hope venting on the subject is a useful cope-measure. stay-strong and fight against the current. you'll only get stronger.
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    can your brother loan you the money for plane fare? once you get to israel can you apply for social assistance? that will take care of the rent while you look for a place to live.

    can you get to israel some other way? like eurolines or another bus company? that would be cheaper, for sure, although it would take ages longer. set your sites on one goal at a time. first thing: get the $$ together for a ticket. then worry about work when you get there.
  7. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Comeone people dont you all get it?
    The money is not the point!!!
    About 3 weeks ago when my dad still was back in Israel
    i called him and asked if it will be ok to plan my way back to Israel.
    He said yes.
    Then i asked for financial help to do so.
    He agreed, i even talked to my syster and we all agreed for me to
    fly back to Israel as soon as possible so that i could find a job and to
    start treating my depression.

    Then yesturday my dad came to Ukraine (here) and i asked him when i will
    be able to fly. He sayd im not going to fly anywhere.
    That is after i done all the plans with my syster, and start making plans with my brother.
    Which meens that after he agreed to help me and i done all the plans
    he destroyed it all with a few words.

    My dad is a piss of shit person.
    He know the only way i could work is if ill get treatment for my depression
    and the only way i could get treatment is by flying back to Israel.
    But becoue i dont have the money, i cant fly to Israel....
    And i dont have money, becouse i cant work without a treatment
    and the only way for me to get a treatment is to fly to Israel.
    GOT MY POINT??????????????????

    My dad knows it all, he doing it in porpuse becouse he dosnt want to
    spend money on me, he know im stuck and he dont care.
    In fact it is very possible that soon he will kick me out of the house
    (he done that before already)

    And to all who said i get things on a golden plate or whatever...
    Thats just a bullshit, i never had anything on a fucken golden plate...
    My whole life i had only what i could have by my own
    but becouse of my depression i could have anything!

    Anyways this post pissing me off!!!
    You all just cant undarstand what a fucken snake my dad is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  8. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i understand how frustrated you are, esp. since he went back on his word. you're right, he sounds like a weasel.

    what i'm saying is that you need a backup plan, and a backup plan to the backup plan. get it? if you depend on someone else you will always be disappointed.

    when we are depressed we usually only see one plan, with suicide as an escape if that one plan goes wrong. i'm saying that you have to develop another plan, one that does not depend on your dad's mood. because he is a snake he will continue to disappoint you. don't let that happen. you are in control of what happens to you and your life. take back the power. we can help you do that, if you are willing to try something new.

    you are 23 - once you are well again you will have many years ahead of you, free from your father's control. let your freedom begin now.
  9. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    $300-350 is better than $00000. If you're living with your parents, you don't have to have a lot of expenses, and if you really want to get to Israel badly enough, you will save every penny and not use the money you earn for anything else. It seems that Israel is your goal. You have a goal - that's more than a lot of us have - so, as others have said, seek out all the alternatives to reach that goal.

    Father's are hard animals to understand, having had one and having been one. They don't always stick to promises, but sometimes there are reasons that Dad has, but the son doesn't know those reasons.

    From your posts, it appears that you are carrying a ton of anger. I don't care what you think about my next sentence, but it's a universal truth. In order to have any real communication, anger has to be set aside and conversation has to be calm and honest, hard as that may be.

    I yelled at my son when I shouldn't have, and I'm really blessed that he forgives me quickly. He doesn't hang on to my mistake. For all his weaknesses, I appreciate this particular strength.

    Two words come to mind: control and balance. Control is both good and bad. Controlling yourself is good. Controlling someone else or being controlled by someone else is tough, even bad. Balance means looking at your circumstances honestly - from all perspectives - your own, your father's, the rest of your family...

    Hey, man, life is not always easy or fair. But to some extent, it is what we make of it.

    Sorry that you reject what others have posted - you may well reject all that I say, maybe because of one little thing you don't agree with. I don't pretend to be responsible for giving you advice. What I can offer is an observation and recommendation that you cool down and take an objective view of what's going on.
  10. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    This must be very annoying for you, having a parent go back on their word can be very hurtful, confusing and make you really mad.
    I get where your coming from but i must agree with middleofnowhere.
    You need to try to release the anger, find something u enjoy doing and do it lots; excersize, singing, dancing, reading, writing, something yea :)
    And there must be some kind of job you can do that doesn't require alot of you. You just gotta dig deep.
    Keep your chin up
  11. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Do you really hate your dad this much? I understand you're upset because he didnt give you the money that you needed, but you did ask for a very large amount. If your dad were to get cancer and suffer a painful death then you would be quite upset knowing that you wished this upon him. And, please don't hang yourself. It's an awful way to go and can go terribly wrong.
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