I hate my father

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by suicide_ideation, Oct 13, 2007.

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  1. I try to open up... I dunno why... I should have known, it wouldn't work. And then he goes all crazy on me again... He just starts ranting... stuff I already know... I try to remain calm, instead of yelling back, I try really hard, so maybe he can see that something is not ok with him... So then he slowly calms down... I say something back, and he continues... he is so superficial, in his thinking and repeats the same shit. I think he likes to hear himself talk, he dismisses all the important points I tell him, and he tells me 'no no no no', like when it's yes yes and yes. I dunno... He's belittled me a lot, when I was younger... When I was 16+\- and under, and he did that shit, I'd cry in my bed, and just wish to die...

    Sometimes I see him in myself, I think I inherited his bad genes... but at least, I think I'm aware I have his problems, and I try to control it. I don't wanna be like him... He's abusive and sick in the head, and yet sometimes when I don't engage him into these discussions, when I try to avoid him, he can be nice... I dunno that he's all that bad, too...he just wishes I'd fix the things in my life that are not working, but he doesn't understand that what he does doesn't help me, any. Also, I must say that he has done a lot for me. And that he wishes I'd clean my act up. He just has a big ego... he hates everyone, sometimes... very condescending...

    Everyone likes to hear themselves talk. No one will ever do anything concrete to help you, not that I'd expect them too, but I never allow anyone to moralize me, anymore. Fucking sociopaths. ''Blablablabla, listen to me, I know so much, you're stupid, blablabla.'' You know those kind of people? Your mother's friends? They think they they're 'in', that they know something, because they watched the TV, and that you're retarded.

    My mother on the hand, is a bit different... She's more neglecting, I don't live with her anymore... She'd let you do anything... But when something crazy came up... She wouldn't know what to do...

    My parents are mental, no doubt I'm freaking mental

    haha

    Fucking morons.

    I like my siblings, tho. Except for my half brother, he's a jerk.
     
  2. Perishable

    Perishable Well-Known Member

    awe man, I have to deal with just about the same occurances, except with my mother. Who I happen to hate as well.
    I tried to 'open up' to her as well...And I regret trying to that to this day.
    I know what you're going through from what you have posted.

    Its a horrible place to be when you cant open up with the very person who helped create you.
     
  3. Puddytat

    Puddytat Well-Known Member

    i know what you feel, ive been there, tho now my dad is dead but it all got good anyway because i moved out(kicked out)
    i sorta realized they arent perfect and they dont know what to do anymore than we do. i feel sorry for them sometimes because we do give them a lot of grief and they are human. i feel a lot for my mom coz she has depression and on top of that she has kids who arent totally well so it must be incredibly hard for her.
    i know my parents had their faults and i was probably the first to point out what they did wrong in raising us. i have to give them credit tho that they did do quite well under the circumstances.
    the best we can do is learn from their mistakes. if there is something you dont like about them, try your hardest to not be like that. being aware and admitting it is the first step.
    my dad gave me his bad temper which i curse him for.
     
  4. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    isnt it great how you can tell a million people on the net this, but say ZERO to me.
    yes some actually do care.

    My dad is a cock head too. Hate him. Half the time i dont know why but i do. I can see right through him. Like others, he's a fucking liar, and pretentious and just thinks he's better than everyone else.
     
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