I hate my father

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Hae-Gi, Mar 1, 2008.

  1. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    I didn't get to be alone, anyway. My mother is visiting her parents, and my father was planning to go there, as well, today, and they'd both come home, tomorrow evening, but he decided to go tomorrow morning, instead. He kept pointing out that I need to fix food, so while he was resting, I fried broccoli and falafels, and was thinking he would be happy to see that I'm eating something better than just pizza. When he woke up, and saw what I was eating, he basically started shouting at me that it isn't food, and that I'm not getting any protein, and that I need to learn to fix food if I'm going to be able to do by myself in my apartment. Then he said I've only fixed food once, while my mother's been away, when I had actually done it three times. The food I was eating, this time, didn't count, and the pizza I've fixed, before, didn't count, either. Only the macaroni with soy sausages and ketchup counted.

    I hate him. It's not easy to say I hate him, but I do. I wish he would drop dead. I swear I do; almost all he's done my whole life is criticise me. The nice things he's done do not outweigh the negative things. It doesn't matter that his mother was difficult with him; it does not justify him doing the same to me. Also, it's not just that; he's actually a bad person; we were watching a programme about illegal immigrants in Sweden, basically being used as slave labour, due to the salaries being so low, but he actually defended this practice, saying he well could consider, doing the same; if someone would offer working for him for a seriously low salary, he'd have no problem with it. It doesn't matter that his company is not going very well; it is not an excuse for slave labour. He stands for so many other bad things, as well... I've actually had to ask my mother if it isn't possible that she had an affair, before having me, since I'm so unlike my father, but she denies, and I guess it's highly unlikely it would've happened, considering her person. We're almost opposites to each other... we just cannot be friendly. He may think, at times, that I'm being friendly, but what I'm really doing is keeping him at bay, since any miniscule detail could lead to an argument. I do everything to avoid deeper conversation with him; he's just too fucking stupid! How is it possible that I became so overly intelligent that I am in constant pain, when he's such a stupid person?

    I have such a problem with saying that word... "father." My "father."
     
  2. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    I feel you on this one sir, I wouldn't mind if my father drowned in burning oil either.
     
  3. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    my one daughter's "father" was such a bad guy I don't call him by that title. I call him her sperm donor, cause that's all he was. I understand your feelings for your male parent and they sound justified. as long as we don't act on such feelings they are just feelings and we all have emotions. I hope things improve for you.:hug:
     
  4. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    The worst is that he's not a bad person, all the time. Oftenly, he's quite kind. I wish he could just be bad, so I could properly hate him.
     
  5. Fishman

    Fishman Guest

    Maybe you two should spend some time dong an activity together to cool things down and help relations.
     
  6. diver200

    diver200 Senior Member

    I definitely feel you on this one. .. .Much of the reason I am in the shape i am in today is due to my father. I was physically and verbally abused by him. It was no secret that I was an OOPS, unwanted, unloved, and totop it off he beat me out of jealousy for the love my mother gave me. Then, adding insult to injury, my brother, also the object of his abuse would beat the @@@@ out of me regularly. I lived in fear of my father and brother. I started to want to die as a child, and I have successfully fought the urge for about 40+ years. I have a good deal to be thankful for, yet it is hard. I know that the best thing to do is to let go of the rage. I know what you feel like. . . constant verbal abuse was probably worse for me than the physical abuse. So, if I can offer some hope, I have made it this far. . . .mostly because people have taken care of me and my faith. I can't blame it all on the abuse though. I have to be strong and battle the low self esteem. I think you can do it too. At least you have to try. you are brave to share your feelings now. Know that you are not alone. . . .