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#1
Where do i start? well first off i hate my life and myself i was never meant for this world my birth was an accident. I have been let down hard by the system and people in general as well way too many times and i feel i am not compatible with society due to all the pressure stress and trauma i have been through i want to die every single day and i am so ashamed of myself for turning into a disgusting degenerate piece of shit and not meeting the expectations of society and even my family i am literally crying while typing this and i hate that i am different i hate having autism (Which i got bullied for in school) and i hate the fact that i am a worthless person who will contribute nothing to the world and is a complete burden on his parents. I hate the world in general too it is full of psychopaths and sociopaths people tell me to kill myself online all the time because they hate me and find me annoying and think i am an attention whore and maybe they're right maybe i should because nobody will miss me when i am gone anyway everybody will just be better off and happy and the psychopaths and sociopaths will be happy i guess fuck this gay earth and the heartless people who walk on it.
 
#2
There are definitely so many horrible people in this world and I’m sorry you have encountered with them. Don’t give up on humanity just yet, there are good people, people who care and want to help you. For example this place, we are truly all here for you. I am not religious but I don’t believe there is one person in this world who was born for no reason. Every one, every person has a value, you are important . Being part of the society and fitting in is incredibly hard and stressful, but you will find the people you feel comfortable with. Maybe it’s not much, but people here, will support you and won’t ever wish you those kind of things. Your parents won’t be better off, it may be hard, but they support you and help you because they love you, you are not a burden. I truly don’t think you are worthless, you have impacted people in your life, probably in ways you don’t even know, you have contributed to the people around you and you will continue to this in the futur.
As I mentioned, there are bad people in this world and they don’t deserve anything, especially not you giving up on yourself. Keep fighting, you are worth it.
*hug
 

VioletDawn

SF Supporter
#3
Hi @adeadhikikomori. People online in general can be pretty awful to each other. Exactly why that is is debatable. Whether it's because being behind a screen let's them act without repercussion or whether they view it as game and not "real life" and are using the internet as an outlet, it still hurts the person on the receiving end.

I know what it's like to not fit in. I too have Aspergers syndrome. It felt like everybody else knew the secret of being part of society and were withholding that information as I was growing up. It took a long time to realise that there is no secret. We're all just people. Society is just a collection of "us". Some like to go with the flow, others walk their own path. Neither is wrong. Neither is any less a part of society.

Once I started realising that I could live my life differently and really started to prune the people around me that that kept pushing me into that "normal" mould, I started to feel more complete within myself. I still struggle due to the way people sometimes react in public but I no longer view that as a failing with me, but rather a failing in them.

You are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to be something that you aren't. I hope in time you can find a way to give yourself permission to live life on your terms. Best wishes.
 

Gonz

Well-Known Member
#4
they hate me and find me annoying and think i am an attention whore and maybe they're right
It could be that I’m mistaken, please correct me if I am (in fact, treat all my posts as though they start with that disclaimer). But it seems to me as though your lifestyle means that you spend far less time than most people do having face-to-face interactions. Because we humans are social creatures, we instinctively crave that. It seems likely to me that rather than being an “attention whore” (someone who constantly seeks out more than their fair share) any attention-seeking behavior they may perceive may be a reaction to the fact that you are suffering from a genuine lack of it.
 
#5
It could be that I’m mistaken, please correct me if I am (in fact, treat all my posts as though they start with that disclaimer). But it seems to me as though your lifestyle means that you spend far less time than most people do having face-to-face interactions. Because we humans are social creatures, we instinctively crave that. It seems likely to me that rather than being an “attention whore” (someone who constantly seeks out more than their fair share) any attention-seeking behavior they may perceive may be a reaction to the fact that you are suffering from a genuine lack of it.
I don't have much IRL social interaction so yeah maybe.
 

Lara_C

SF Supporter
#6
Welcome @adeadhikikomori. You have no less right to be here than anyone else, and no less value as a human being. Your value does not depend on the judgements and expectations of anyone else, but on the goodness which is there within your own heart, which no one can take away from you. You know who you really are inside so look within, get to know yourself better, and completely disregard the ignorant judgements of others who don't know you at all. Start to accept yourself and never define yourself by what anyone else thinks because you will find you are really ok just as you are - a complete and whole person. You just need to become aware of that fact by getting rid of the negative thoughts that tell you otherwise
 
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Petal

Worry bee...
Staff member
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#7
Hi, I'm sorry you are feeling so low again. I know what its like to feel like a burden, living in isolation and having no one to talk to.
SF can support you so much and I see other members here trying to help you, I think that should give you some type of feeling that you ARE worth fighting for and getting better is worth it. Keep posting and updating us. I know its hard to talk about these things but does writing your thoughts out here help you any bit at all? Maybe join in the chat room when you feel lonely, many members find it very helpful.

Wishing you the best.
 
#8
I don't have autism but I was badly abused as a child. I was bullied, sexual harassment, shamed, and even tortured.
I'm even been bullied for being "too smart". Stay confident. I am 56 and outlived people with millions of dollars who had it "easy".
YOU can do this.
 
#9
There are definitely so many horrible people in this world and I’m sorry you have encountered with them. Don’t give up on humanity just yet, there are good people, people who care and want to help you. For example this place, we are truly all here for you. I am not religious but I don’t believe there is one person in this world who was born for no reason. Every one, every person has a value, you are important . Being part of the society and fitting in is incredibly hard and stressful, but you will find the people you feel comfortable with. Maybe it’s not much, but people here, will support you and won’t ever wish you those kind of things. Your parents won’t be better off, it may be hard, but they support you and help you because they love you, you are not a burden. I truly don’t think you are worthless, you have impacted people in your life, probably in ways you don’t even know, you have contributed to the people around you and you will continue to this in the futur.
As I mentioned, there are bad people in this world and they don’t deserve anything, especially not you giving up on yourself. Keep fighting, you are worth it.
*hug

How can i not be a burden. when i have done nothing with my life except school which i dropped out of and a part-time job which only was during the summertime and i was technically forced to do it and it only lasted for 3 years until i got laid off i haven't worked in 7 years and haven't been in school for 5 years now and my parents are always screaming at me on the phone to get a job but i feel like i am just not able to face the world and yeah they may love me but i really wish that they would realize that i am suffering with a real problem i tried to tell both my mom and my dad about hikikomori and it seems like they refuse to listen to me nor do any research on the topic because they seem to have the attitude of oh well if you know what you are why won't you improve? Not too long ago one of my younger family members was suffering with school refusal social withdrawal due to bullying at school and having trouble fitting in and making friends he was regularly skipping school and staying at home in his room playing online games i tried to tell my dad that he could end up as a hikikomori later in life but he didn't listen to me and instead just blames the internet for his isolation as if technology causes all isolation which is a stupid way of thinking. I am worried about the future and if i am not able to re-apply for welfare in 2020 after it expires i may just end up committing suicide or return to society and find a new job to survive i want to work from home while being hikikomori but working from home in the west is shit unless you're doing like programming or investing in the stock market there are basically no at home jobs for hikikomori because almost every other at home job requires you to leave your house still for meetings and requires you to go to a in person interview or talk to a stranger on the phone which an actual hikikomori like myself could not do plus this lifestyle is not completely sustainable and the only kind of online jobs out there for a person like myself are jobs where you only make a small amount of money on the side because it is impossible to support yourself long term while being locked in your bedroom in the house that you live in and personally i am worried about my future in the sense that if i don't break out of this what will happen to me when my parents retire or die? and who will be looking after me when i am a 65 year old Neet shut in? years from now? that is if i don't end up homeless.
 
#10
Hi @adeadhikikomori. People online in general can be pretty awful to each other. Exactly why that is is debatable. Whether it's because being behind a screen let's them act without repercussion or whether they view it as game and not "real life" and are using the internet as an outlet, it still hurts the person on the receiving end.

I know what it's like to not fit in. I too have Aspergers syndrome. It felt like everybody else knew the secret of being part of society and were withholding that information as I was growing up. It took a long time to realise that there is no secret. We're all just people. Society is just a collection of "us". Some like to go with the flow, others walk their own path. Neither is wrong. Neither is any less a part of society.

Once I started realising that I could live my life differently and really started to prune the people around me that that kept pushing me into that "normal" mould, I started to feel more complete within myself. I still struggle due to the way people sometimes react in public but I no longer view that as a failing with me, but rather a failing in them.

You are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to be something that you aren't. I hope in time you can find a way to give yourself permission to live life on your terms. Best wishes.
Some people are just not able to play society's little game because of how fucked up they are though and yeah western countries are more individualistic and i do have the freedom to live my life the way i want to however there is still social pressure in western society too which is why hikikomori are spreading to the west now especially in the US. in the US. there is still social pressure and stigma around having a large gap in your employment history stigma around not having sex and being a virgin past 18 and especially for men and women to act and be a certain way my point is in American society we will grade and judge people based on how much success they have had in life so no i disagree that i am putting all this pressure on myself for no reason it is just the way i was raised and the environment i grew up in.
 

uri

Active Member
#11
Yes most people are psychopaths and don't know how to behave nicely. I realized that a long time ago.

Humans don't know how to treat each other well. Everyone is always self-absorbed and is thinking only about himself and his own well-being and happiness.

I'm telling you humans are shit and because of this fact life on this planet and everything in life is completely and utterly pointless.
 

uri

Active Member
#12
I have strong nihilistic and atheistic beliefs.

I know there is no God or anything and I believe that everything is temporary and completely pointless anyway so if I killed myself today I wouldn't regret anything anyway because I know that everything on this planet is going to disappear from this universe one day anyway.
 

DrownedFishOnFire

🙉🙈🙊
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#13
I have strong nihilistic and atheistic beliefs.

I know there is no God or anything and I believe that everything is temporary and completely pointless anyway so if I killed myself today I wouldn't regret anything anyway because I know that everything on this planet is going to disappear from this universe one day anyway.

I used to think like this. Living things have an expiration date. We indeed have purpose in life. Might not make any sense now there is ebb and flow of beings that came to be and ceased to exist at the same time. Circle of life thing. You know there is no God, remember there is other side who believes in God that will ask you to prove he does not exist in the first place. They are right and so are you in the same line however this isnt up for debate regardless though.

Cheers
 

DrownedFishOnFire

🙉🙈🙊
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#14
Some people are just not able to play society's little game because of how fucked up they are though and yeah western countries are more individualistic and i do have the freedom to live my life the way i want to however there is still social pressure in western society too which is why hikikomori are spreading to the west now especially in the US. in the US. there is still social pressure and stigma around having a large gap in your employment history stigma around not having sex and being a virgin past 18 and especially for men and women to act and be a certain way my point is in American society we will grade and judge people based on how much success they have had in life so no i disagree that i am putting all this pressure on myself for no reason it is just the way i was raised and the environment i grew up in.

Are you an American? It sounds like something straight out of the TV with the stuff your saying 😕 it sucks!

There is stigma attached to gaps in employment history that can easily be written off. Raising a child. Being ones eldery parents caretaker. Volunteering on a forum. All kinds of possiblities and the employers primary area of concern is if you are flexible and able to learn if you meet the criteria they need for the job you are applying for.

Sex. Oh wow. Yay. Sex lets just talk about sex here. Am so sick of people making the assumptions that it is a huge stigma way past college or 18ish?

So @adeadhikikomori how did you come to the conclusion that its a big deal to be a virgin past 18? Its old news. More and more people are choosing to abstain those days. I was one of them. Its not a big deal it only was a big deal in my own head until I realized no one in high school remembered. People forget about this stuff once high school is done.

How did you come up to the conclusion that the American society is so judgemental on ones success when remove everything from what we see coming from Hollywood and SoCal you see on tv? People dont care. Its how you want to live your life not others. Its only the screwed up society thats keeping the rich more rich and everyone else not getting fair shake in this country and showing us the unrealistic stuff on TV.

Its unfair to pass judgement when your view is very unlike the America I know and live in in some ways. Plenty of other social issues I got beef and will more likely agree with you and join ya on all day long complaining about America lol.

Am sorry you feel this way tho. It does suck feeing that way. Hugs
 

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