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I hate my life. I hate myself

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I've never been a confident, cool sort of guy. Always weedy, nerdy looking, skinny etc. You can tell from the start of this im not big on complimenting myself.

I think alot, maybe too much. I take insults against me, very much to heart. I lack confidence so much it aches inside me...

I have a job. i hate it. not a great deal of friends, not a great social life and when it is active, again i lack alot of confidence.

I cant attract women and when i do they are usually off the internet and when they meet me for real, they are either put off by my skinnyness or if they can get over that hurdle, my lack of confidence.

I went out with a girl for 8 months (it finished in november last year)... it was long distance and a real worldwind romance if you like. Im uncertain and still am uncertain as to whether this girl loves me or not...

We fought like mad, she almost knows me inside and out. I think i love her. i think she has cheated on me, i know she would...She suffers awful depression though and has also used hard line drugs before, she has a child as well....

I have never taken any medication for my depression but have been to the doctors and had time off work but i put it down to my mums cancer and her at deaths door...but its not just that...its my life and it always seems to turn out this way, me down and out and in the dumps struggling to go on.

Basically with this long distance relationship, as i said we fought and argued and then somehow the next thing, we where on a holiday to paris...we fought there, came back and she ended it..then we got back and now we have finished...its been almost 6 months now...id given up any hope until recently she got in touch to say she was having regrets. I spoke to her and she said everyone has doubts etc and we will never get back together. Apparently i cant be trusted etc... hmmmm.

I was doing ok of late aswell. 3 weeks without tears, feelings of anxiety etc...and then she is back in touch. We are friends again on facebook...we chatted the other night. i tried to talk to her a little about football and she asks why are we talking about this then i tried to change the subject and she says i see you're fighting for conversation...this is the problem, we have nothing in common, the conversation is crap - according to her. So what exactly does she want??? She said she'd like to come back to my home town again some weekend but as friends (NOT WHAT I WANT). I see the dating site where we met each other, i no longer use, but shes on it regularly.

Basically the whole situation with this depressed girl has my mind in over time again and me just wanting to give up all hope :(
hello and welcome!

sorry that you've had these troubles

therapy and meds is the stock answer

doesn't sound to me like this girl is good for you. maybe you can find someone else?

I think that things can get a lot better for you if you can resolve the problems that you have with confidence


Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend
I agree that she isn't good for you.. She gets your hopes up then drops a bomb on them..You really should see a pdoc..That way you can get a realistic diagnosis..Make sure you tell him/her everything..Or wite it down and let him/her read it..I also agree that you need to work on your confidence..Maybe make some changes in your hair and buy some clothes that help you gain some self esteem.. I know this costs money but you can do it a little at a time..Take care!!
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