i hate my life so much i dont know why i continue to live

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lava2014, Feb 9, 2014.

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  1. lava2014

    lava2014 Member

    i hate my life. firstly ive been a mouth breather my whole life, and thats associated with being a retard. ive also been bullied all my life in school. ive never really had any friends. ive tried to talk to people online but they stop talking to me after a while and i dont know why, i guess its my own stupid fault. ive tried talking to people at school too and they bullied me like i said. they probably realized how stupid i am. nobody else breathes through their mouth, i like my parents, but my dad drinks all the time, ive applied for jobs, cant get any, im such a loser. its all my fault my family doesnt have much money and i feel like garbage. i think about ending my life all the time. i know my parents care for me, ive tried to suicide in the past, im too much of a coward arent i? i dont need to be alive anymore. im 20 and still a mouth breather cant afford to get it fixed i am such a retard... i have no self confidence. life wont get better.

    i have met a few guys online but its a total waste of time. every conversation with them just turns into sex. nobody likes me at all. why should i even try to talk to anyone? they all know im a loser anyway.

    i know none of you care either so i dont know why i even bother to type this.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 9, 2014
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Hmm... I have to be perfectly honest, I've never heard of that mouth breathing label before! But I do think that you've got a very distorted view on things in your life. At 20, it's hardly over unless you want it to be. Good for you on applying all over the place. Have you ever spoken to a manager in person when you've dropped off an application? I've found that this sometimes helps, to not only introduce yourself, but to also create a positive first impression and help separate yourself from the flood of other potential applicants. If that's an impossibility, have you considered volunteer work anywhere? It can be a great way to not only make contacts & meet people, but also feel a sense of self pride and self worth from helping others out. In addition to this, you often can establish a reference for future job hunts!
  3. MessengerFromHell

    MessengerFromHell Well-Known Member

    Says who, we do care, drop me a PM if you need to talk. Any time. And you are only 20, you sure have a whole life ahead of you.
  4. lava2014

    lava2014 Member

    yeah thanks i will try speaking to the manager. to both of you thanks for replying.
  5. lava2014

    lava2014 Member

    i just cant bring myself to do anything anymore... i have no friends and never will have any. i've been bullied so much... i want to get a job... but whats the point... ill never have any friends. NEVER. ive been bullied my whole life. i bet ill get bullied at work all the time too. why live? im a complete waste of space. nothing good will happen to me. i was sexually abused by a girl when i was 12 also. it was horrible... i dont want to talk to guys online anymore they all say im 'sexy' or 'hot' i think they are all lying to me. i am not that. all they want to do is to get into my pants. im worthless...
  6. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Work can be a great place to make friends, lovers & enemies (or none of those!)... But you won't know until you try. I think you can do it! I'm very sorry to hear of the abuse: that's horrible. Please try not to be so hard on yourself. Ok? :)
  7. M1000

    M1000 New Member

    I'm 49 and have been depressed since 1979. That's 35 years

    If anyone has the right to kill themselves, it would be me.

    Sorry but you haven't put in the time.

    You're 20?

    When you were born, I was 29 and had been depressed for 15 years. Even back then, I've put in more time than you

    Come back when you're 55 years old, then we'll talk (because you will have put in the time)
  8. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    There is no age limit for being depressed and suicidal. I have been depressed more than half my life, and I'm still fairly young. Don't ever let anyone invalidate your feelings. I can relate to a lot of what you posted. I have no friends offline, and even the ones that I talk to online eventually stop talking to me. I'm a burden to my family, and they see me as a scapegoat. I have always been bullied, and no one seems to like me. I seem to have no direction in my life. I do care about how you're feeling, because I feel the same way most times. I know it's been really hard for you, but I hope that you don't give up, and keep reaching out, even if it's just here.
  9. unionfalls

    unionfalls Well-Known Member

    I agree with Witty_Sarcasm. Also, if you can get professional help please do so. My first suicide attempt was at 16 and the last at 34, I'm 39 now. If I had tried like you are trying now to reach out for help that last one may not have happened. I am sorry you are in pain, please continue to reach out here and wherever you are comfortable. Most people here have been very supportive.
  10. Toobler

    Toobler Member

    Wow, I didn't realise that suicidal feeling privileges had been reduced to the equivalent of air miles, or national insurance contributions. This is not a dig at you, M1000, but I'm not sure that this approach is at all helpful to a 20 year old, who is at the lowest point in their life. As WS says, there is no age limit for being depressed / suicidal!

    As for the OP, being a mouth breather is nothing to be uncomfortable about (easier for me to say than you, I know). It won't mean anything to anybody who is not a totally shallow c*nt, and shouldn't be anything to be ashamed about. I'm sorry you've had so many expereiences with shallow, lecherous d*ckheads but there are plenty of people here who will generally care about you, without ulterior motives. Stick around and let people here show you that the world is not entirely populated with pond scum.

    You matter. Everybody who feels and / or cares matters. Life matters.

    Much love

    Toobz xx
  11. 9426

    9426 Member

    I know how you feel. I'm a 20 year old guy and I only had a few friends when I was younger as I was bullied for having a lisp and a weird sounding voice. I remember having low self esteem as young as 6 and being suicidal as young as 11. Even now I only have 2 friends, and I'm still suicidal.
  12. lava2014

    lava2014 Member

    thanks for support guys. i didn't know there were people in the same situation as me... its not good to hear, but i am not alone...
  13. Labellanovella

    Labellanovella New Member

    Hi Lava,

    First of all, please know that I'm sorry you feel so alone, but also please know, you're not. When I was 20, everything felt like the end of the world, everything that hurt, hurt deeper because I was just figuring myself out (that's what your 20's are meant for). Life can be really difficult and the cards we're dealt aren't always the fairest. But, it get's easier, please know that, too. I know that sounds vague, and that doesn't mean you'll turn a corner and it will be smooth sailing ahead...there will always be things that are hard, but in small moments, you'll find the things that are wonderful and worth living for, they will come more frequently and this feeling of hopelessness will pass.

    If you want to meet someone, and you're open to it, he will find you. It might not happen the moment you think it should, love rarely works that way, but it will happen for you and the wait will be worth it when he does. A job? Anything is possible. What do you love to do? Figure that out and then don't stop looking until you find the right fit. Friends? They can be overrated. Making them can be hard, goodness knows I only have a few and I've let go of many over the years. Look for people who gravitate towards the sort of things you do... What are your hobbies? Interests? Do you love to read, or craft, do you collect anything interesting and unique? Strange as it may sound, some of closest friends are people I've met by exploring what makes *me* happy when I'm alone.

    And the mouth breathing? Everyone has something about themselves they'd change given the chance. For me, it's a dozen things that make me insecure and uncomfortable in my own skin. I've not yet learned how to embrace my own imperfections, but that doesn't mean I let them define me, because they don't, and you shouldn't either. Don't give them more power over you than they deserve.

    I wish you peace and comfort and a beautiful, long life. There is so much ahead of you, never forget that.
  14. lava2014

    lava2014 Member

    well i should meet up with my 52 year old 'boyfriend'. Met him online 3 years ago.i just want the pain to go away. I would rather meet up with the young, nice guy i met online but he prob doesnt have the money. Beats killing myself and constant suicidal thoughts. Sorry everyone. I am a chicken. I do artwork and want to sell it but i doubt anyone would buy it. I need to get a job also. But i am taking the easy way out and going to try and meet him. Cannot take this pathetic life anymore.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 28, 2014
  15. tiggersafire

    tiggersafire SF Veteran

    Lava, I have a close friend who used to "meet up with people"... I did it once with her, when manic. I've regretted it for the rest of my life. I too am 20. I thought that life could never get better and that meeting up with him would solve all my problems. That I'd get the money from it and be able to hurt myself with it, and that didn't happen. Instead, I had to tell my group home staff all about what happened, how in the end I had said no and it didn't matter to the man.. But that's in the past, and doesn't and hasn't ever really bothered me. I no longer long to kill myself. Anyway, the point is, meeting up with someone, and/or hurting yourself is never worth it. I'm here if you need to talk... Sometimes, having someone in a similar situation, or who was once in a similar situation, can help.
  16. dax

    dax Well-Known Member

    Hi, sorry I do not know what you mean by mouth breather. could you explain what that means? I know others have said you are too young to off yourself, but they are right. There is still hope for you even if you don't see it. Being 20, you still have the chance to have a second shot at a lot of things. Including friends, a job, a significant other and even time to explore what you want out of life. I was your age when suicidal....but somehow stuck around and learned some things. My life still sucks, but the thing is I had my shots back then. Had a fighting chance.....I just couldn't get over the hump. It doesn't have to be that way for you. You have this forum to post and people here to help guide you. Please stick around and keep trying, it isn't too late for you.
  17. PeterFromUK

    PeterFromUK Member

    I know what u are feeling. My dad never drunk but often behaves if he was. Do u want to chat via skype? peter.from.uk. Add me. Pete
  18. lava2014

    lava2014 Member

    Mouth breather is someone who breathes through their mouth most of the the time. Most people breathe through their nose. I dont have skype sorry. I need to kill myself, my life will never get better. NEVER. At least i might be pain free and happy in death. No more worries. I am such a coward. Why havent i killed myself? I have attempted a few times but poor attempts. Prob makes me a bigger coward. Why dont i have the courage? I doubt my parents would miss me, i talked to a guy online about suicide he keeps telling me not to and that he would miss me if i died. Bet he is only saying it because im female, if he was honest he should have said just kill yourself. My dad said once that if you want to die, just do it. I have never told him that i want to suicide, he just brought it up. So i need to die.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 9, 2014
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