I hate my life so much

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Shadow222, Oct 21, 2009.

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  1. Shadow222

    Shadow222 New Member

    I'm 47 years old and I have done nothing with my life that can help me now.

    I have spent 29 years raising children. 2 of my own and 6 that aren't mine. I've been married 4 times and really thought this time it would work.
    I'm bi polar with severe anxiety but haven't seen a Dr. in years because meds don't work well for me and I'm so tired of that merry go round.

    My husband lost his job 3 months ago due to his refusal to follow orders from his Boss. I'm so angry at him, we are about to lose our house and can't pay our bills. I tried to find a job but due to limitations from my health and bipolar stuff I'm not finding anything.

    I've tried talking to my husband but he don't want to listen. I tried to talk to my daughter but she lives far away and is very self centered. As soon as I told her I'm depressed she had other things to do and cut me off. My son just wanted to talk about how bad his job is. not about me.

    I come from a disfunctional family that I had to cut out of my life years ago because they made my life a living hell. The only family members I talked to have either died or have started to avoid me because they found out about my bipolar and act like its contagious.

    I used to have friends but as the years have gone by they have faded away except for my sister-in-law who betrayed me a couple of months ago. We helped her for 2 years and when she finally had an opportunity to help us she turned her back on us.

    My teenage step children treat me with great disrepect all the time. They do this in front of my husband who does very little in this situation.

    I have nowhere to go except the homeless shelter if I leave. I don't want to go to the hospital again. I was there several years ago and I can't go through that again.

    I'm having suicidal thoughts daily but not quite ready to act on them, but everything seems so hopeless. I can't get a job, my husband sabotages his own job hunting, I'm losing everything, I have no one to talk to, and nobody cares but me. I don't know how much longer I can hold on.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    really should try seeing doctor again there are new medications now that are more effective with less side effects If you don't try it you will never know call doctor today and see okay
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