I'm just too scared to die ultimately. When I'm not thinking straight sometimes I think death is better than life but fortunately I'm not an impulsive person. I am torn between the fact that I hate my life and I think life generally sucks and I wish it would be better and my fear of death and the unknown. I think I'm a bit different from others in that I'm so scared to die because I am a pessimist and my pessimism tells me that there's nothing after life. I want there to be an afterlife. I don't want to just be nothing and then my life truly was worthless to me. I don't like the thought of when my loved ones and the things and people I care about will truly be gone, it makes me sad. It makes me even angrier to think about the scenario of nothing after life and that all I really had was this anything but utopia life. That thought makes me wish I wasn't born and I didn't have to go through any of this. BTW, I'm atheist because I went to a Catholic High School, just for the record.