i hate my life!

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by loobeyloo, Oct 18, 2008.

  1. loobeyloo

    loobeyloo New Member

    Hi all,

    well lets start off by saying a little about me. i am 18 years of age male and gay. i have always though that suicide is just an easy way out. but lately i have come to realise that i hate myself and the person that i am turning into. i live with one of my closes friends and i must say that he has looked after me alot and i love him for it, i have lost my job that i loved a few months back and i must say that it has knock my confidence a lot. and i just feels that i am never going to get to the places where i would like to be in a few years time. even though he has help me i just feel that i am living off him and i hate it, i dont want to become a free lance and be in debit to anyone i want to stand on my own two feet and pay my way, and i know that if our friendship ever comes to an end he is going to throw it all back in my face and i will be devastated. and no matter what i try to do it would never be good enough.

    i also have a real issues with my body i hate it, i hate being touched and what i also really hate is having sex. i dont like it what so ever i dont ever want to get in a relationship with someone because of the whole drama of having to show your body off. i am very skinny and eat very little but i also hate the fact that i am slim. and it really pisses me off when people say that they are worried about me because i am slim and it just feels that i have to put up a front all the time and joke it off, when really it hurts inside.

    i try to escape reality to make things seem better but then all i ever do is think harder about things which makes me worry about more stuff that is happing in my life.

    my friends would say that i am a very confident person who doesn’t care what anyone thinks about me. but again all an act. and then i go though this thought process of thinking do i really want to be here it would be easy and painless for me. i dont tell any one my problems because i feel that i should be strong and that it will pass in time. but i can't see anything good coming in the near future.

    thanks SF for letting me get this off my chest


  2. rootedphoenix

    rootedphoenix Well-Known Member

    :hug: We care here, at least. :D I'm sorry things have been so rough though. :(