I hate my life.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Shay87, Nov 23, 2010.

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  1. Shay87

    Shay87 Member

    I haven't posted on here before, and I don't know why I choose to do so now; but I am anyway.

    I want to die. I am absolutely sick of the way my life is going. I hate everything about it. I have attempted three times; all of which clearly failing - it kind of sucks I can't even get that right. I just want it all to stop and the only way of doing so is by ending it all. I'm going to do it again; soon. I tried talking to someone about it, a good friend, and all to be told in the end "Stop being silly Shay; get over it", and then they would continue to point out the fact that I was such a pretty girl - wtf has that got to do with anthing?? Aghh. Thanks a lot "good" friend. I guess this is why I have come here; maybe deep somewhere I don't want to die.

    I know what I need to do, it's just doing it is the hard bit. I'm so lost. Agh...Sorry.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...it sounds like you did not choose the right person is s/he could have dismissed it so quickly...we truly know how you feel and yes, this is a good place to get support so that you continue to live and have the caring you deserve...if you feel comfortable, please share what has gotten you to this point and how we can be there for you...also, PM me if I can be there in any way...so glad you posted and welcome again...J
     
  3. Shay87

    Shay87 Member

    Excuse my ignorance, but how do I PM you? Thanks for answering. x
     
  4. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    people just dont understand how people can be down,you can have everything and feel down your friend has obviously hasnt dealt with real feelings alot but her saying your pretty could be her way of trying to lift your spirits.
    but welcome to sf your around people who understand and are going through the same things as you
    well done for reaching out and i hope you hang around and post more
     
  5. Shay87

    Shay87 Member

    I thought I could tell them all of this in confidence and that they'd have respect for what I told them. I trusted them. I was told to talk to my friends if I ever felt this way, and my regular counsellor wasn't available. I do it and it just blows up in my face. Fail again.
     
  6. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    friends makes you wonder if we need them at all really,but as harsh as it sounds at least you know you cant trust these people these gossip mongers,
    it is bad when you think you can trust someone with your deepest feelings and they let you down.
    real friends will sit down and talk it through with you!
    have you now talked things through with your counsellor?
    i dont think you failed i think you learned who you can trust and when your "friend" comes calling for help be a bigger person?
     
  7. Shay87

    Shay87 Member

    I know. Just for once I wanted to talk to a 'friend' about how I was feeling because I knew that's what I should be doing... All I wanted was to have a chat about it - I wouldn't have asked them to help me with ANYTHING. Just a simple talk..

    And no, I haven't - I won't be able to make contact with my regular counsellor *hopefully* until tomorrow - tomorrow in Australia...so like another 10ish hours. I know I can call other counsellors at the same place, but I can't do it...
     
  8. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    i can understand you not wanting to talk to another counsellor,its hard enough telling the first one right?let alone having to go through everything with another stranger,but you must stay strong and make sure you tell your counsellor everything so she understands how much you needed her.
    your friend seems like they are only intrested in themselve and you should be thankful you know what they are really like now,people always say you should talk it out then when something happens they say why didnt you tell me and you think hang on i did remember
    but its ok to talk on here no one judges they listen
     
  9. Shay87

    Shay87 Member

    My counsellor is always telling me that I can speak to anyone in the office when I ring. And yeah it's like, there's so much to it I can't even explain it to one person in a short period of time; not enough so that they could understand at least, whereas my regular she knows basically everything but she's not available all of the time. I really need to speak to her now..

    And yeah, I think that'll be the last time I tell them anything like this again - I see how much inconvenience it puts on them..And by the way, thank you. I appreciate you at least listening to my rant.
     
  10. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    have you tried calling a crisis line,its sometimes a good idea just to call them to get everything out? just to get through the next 10 hours,or write everything your feeling down to take and show your counsellor so you get everything out there,perhaps you can talk to your counsellor and tell her how you need to speak to someone whos more readily available and she pass you to someone who can catch up on your history?

    ps rant as much as you like ill try to help anytime i can
     
  11. Shay87

    Shay87 Member

    A crisis line, sorry, that is how I make contact with my regular counsellor; well it's kind of similar to one at least. I have a psychiatrist too, but HA good luck making contact with her 'til my scheduled appointment.

    But still I can't call. I just can't bring myself to pick up a phone and talk verrbally. Here it's different; it's just not as confronting and I know this way, they won't try and ask for my location, send someone etc etc. as I really don't want that - last time they suggested it I hung up on them.

    But I think your idea of speaking to someone else aswell (I'd rather not give up speaking to my regular, she's a really lovely lady) just for the times she's not there - she's only there 6 days out of a fortnight, and most of those I'm working...
     
  12. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    i see but you need someone more regular you need someone you can phone and talk things through at any point.
    6 days out of a fortnight leaves you alot of time to bottle things up and by the time you talk to the counsellor youve forgotten half of what was bothering you?
    and i understand about not giving out your location too you dont want the attention right?its not confronting here like i said you write what you like and people will offer advice worldwide.
     
  13. Shay87

    Shay87 Member

    I used to speak to another woman who was there soo much more often, but I felt that she had no time to speak with me because I would try and get in contact with her countless times over and over.. So that's why I now speak to the woman I speak to. But yeah I agree, there have been times when I've missed out important details, simply because it's been a week or two.

    And yeah, the last thing I want is for any attention to surround this.
     
  14. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    perhaps you could go speak to this other woman just stop in or call just to say hi to her ask her if she can spare some time for a chat
    and if you can journal everything you feel you can make sure you tell the counsellors everything i find it helpful and you wont have to keep in countless contact time and time again
     
  15. Shay87

    Shay87 Member

    Yeah, I think I might, but she's not there now I'm pretty sure. And yeah, I have been keeping a diary kind of thing, but I haven't shared it to anyone. Do you think that could be worthwhile?

    I need to go now, but thank you for the help. It is greatly appreciated - you're such a wonderful person :].
     
  16. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    yeah i find writing things down very helpful and worthwhile even if its just a few words
    i have journals everywhere
    i wish you luck
    and keep posting ok
     
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