I hate my life. :(

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Sadbro, Sep 1, 2012.

  1. Sadbro

    Sadbro New Member

    Here's a little about me. I'm a 28yr old male. All my life I've had ups and downs. At the moment I only have $350 in the bank with no job. My bills are piling up. My phone is always full of collection agency's. I also think I've been to every restaurant and business in my town to ask if their hiring with no luck. Not even Mcdonalds was able to help me. Maybe I scare people because im so shy. To top it off I just finished nursing school a few months ago. I sent my application to take the nclex boarding exam but got a letter stating that I'm unable to take my Nclex board exam because of 2 incidents in my records(both of which I'm innocent of). So I wasted years and countless of hours studying hard for nothing and can't take the board exam to get my license. I also made good grades in all my nursing classes. More than half the class didn't even make it because it was so difficult. It's also been 6 months since I graduated and I will also have to pay my student loans starting next month....nevermind today's September 1 so starting this month. * I was so happy after I finished nursing school thinking my life would be fixed as soon as I got a nursing job. I hate my miserable life and wish I could end it.

    The only thing that stops me from committing suicide is 2 things. My parents are also a low income family struggling. If I kill myself they will inquire cemetery costs which I looked up are quite expensive. The second thing that stops me is a loan which my mother cosigned for me. Guess what happens if I die? She will be responsible for those payments. I also know it will hurt them greatly. My grandmother also died recently so if I die that would be an even bigger burden for my mother.

    Also just to add to my miserable life I'm a virgin. Never even had a girlfriend because I'm too shy. To be honest I'm not even ugly just an average guy. I'm also quite intelligent.

    I also go to church every week since birth. I do countless of prayers and starting to think god has forgotten me. I'm a good person that never does anything bad. The only bad thing I remember doing is stealing a candy from store when I was like 7. WOW what a crime.

    I sometimes browse google for sad pictures in hopes to see if others have it worst than me. I found one of a young boy in Africa crawling in search of food while a bird awaits for him to die to eat him. *I also saw a picture of a young pretty girl that had acid poured on her face an now looks horrible and is blind. Well I would do anything in the world to switch places with either of them.

    Well that's my story. I just can't decide whether I should continue my life because all the problems my suicide will bring to my parents or just to forget everyone and do what I think is best for me, to end my life.
    Oh and did I mention I can't even sleep at night for days, if not months ? :)
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am going to try to answer this a piece at a time - these are not answers really - just opinions or ideas but perhapa thye will be of some use to you-
    My bills are piling up. My phone is always full of collection agency's.
    answer the calls, ask for name and address - send them a letter stating "I dispute validity of debt and and formally request no more calls- all further correspondence from you is to be by mail only" They will stop calling, by law.

    So I wasted years and countless of hours studying hard for nothing and can't take the board exam to get my license
    Talk to college or university about how to get most transfer credits into field that does not require professional license

    I will also have to pay my student loans starting next month
    Ask for hardship deferment - they are given with no problems - you can get up to 10 years of deferments across life of loans- also if you return to school to rework degree they will automatically be deferred until finish school. Use loans to assist with living expenses while completing new degree

    Also just to add to my miserable life I'm a virgin. Never even had a girlfriend because I'm too shy. To be honest I'm not even ugly just an average guy. I'm also quite intelligent.
    All good and worthwhile traits, even being a virgin - with that many positives you will find somebody to be happy with

    I do countless of prayers and starting to think god has forgotten me.
    struggles in faith are common - hence the term "faith" - others are far more qualified to help in this area though

    Well I would do anything in the world to switch places with either of them.
    It is common to feel our own struggles are the most difficult - does not make it true- but for us it is an absolute fact - perception is all that has meaning to us as humans

    just to forget everyone and do what I think is best for me, to end my life.
    You do not seem the type to stop caring for others. I think you are more of the person that would like to fix troubles and go being happy if you could see the path to it

    I can't even sleep at night for days, if not months ?
    I am up nearly all night most nights. Send me a private message and I will answer or meet you in chat to to talk about life in general and alleviate the boredom

    Take Care and Be Safe
    Ben
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Ben has some great advice hun I hopeyou can follow through with them ok Education is never a waste hun hugs what ever the two incidents were can you not fight them as well and get them deleted so you can write the exam hugs
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, you sure are going through a very tough time. I agree that your parents would be devastated if you died. You're their son/daughter (?). They would never be at peace with it and always ask themselves what they could have done to prevent it. I'm sorry about what happened with the nursing studies. Maybe in time that will change? Anyway, I wish you all the best and you can PM me if you feel the need to talk, much love xox
     
  5. Sadbro

    Sadbro New Member

    Thanks for your response Ben, I really appreciate it. I went to my college and asked them for hardship deferment for the school loans. She said she will look into this and make some calls and will get back to me with what she finds out. As for the credits being transferred they are only acceptable on another nursing school called Kaplan, not in regular colleges. They also only have the same nursing program which is what I already completed. I guess it's because it's an all nursing college I went to that's fast paced. It's Galen College of Nursing. By the way seeing your avatar brings tears to my eyes Ben. That has always been my dream to one day have a kid. I'm so jealous! I congratulate you! :)

    Also Total Eclipse thank you for your message, I went to my local attorneys and they mentioned I am able to have my records expunged but the lowest price they offered is $1500 to have this done. I tried applying for some credit cards to pay but got declined, I wonder why hehe. But it's all good I honestly don't care anymore. I really appreciate what all of you have to say but I made my final decision and I will just end it. I no longer have not even 1 cent in my bank account and I am drowned with lots of problems and debt. I see no other way out. I have heard the saying "theres always light at the end of the tunnel" but i see no way of that happening to me lol. Maybe I also have mental issues...but i graduated as one of the top of my nursing class so I really don't think I'm that dumb.

    I just have one final question and I would appreciate some serious responses. What is a good place to end it so my body can't be found? That way my parents are not stuck paying for funeral charges. Also what method would be painless? Please some honest advice. I am going to do it so please don't say not to. I honestly can't wait to do it, NO MORE SUFFERING!!! :O):hamster::hamster::hamster::hamster:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 8, 2012
  6. WonderClub

    WonderClub Member

    Hey mate I;m a guy and the same age as you. I know what you are going through, feel free to pm me if you want to chat.
     
  7. Sadbro

    Sadbro New Member

    I think it's best if a moderator can please delete this thread. I don't want people to read my messages and do the same thinking it's the best choice. I will no longer be checking for responses. I made up my mind and really appreciate all your nice words. God bless you all from the bottom of my heart!