I hate my mind.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by nonethelessjaclyn, Oct 23, 2010.

  1. nonethelessjaclyn

    nonethelessjaclyn Well-Known Member

    I really don't get it. My boyfriend says he loves me. Says he'll never leave me. Says i'm the greatest thing that has ever happened to him.
    I love him with all my heart. He's truly amazing. He helps me with my cutting and i help him with his drug addiction.
    I would say we're prefect for each other.
    I just don't get one thing.
    My mind has convinced me that once he graduates, he's going to dump me so he can find a collage chick. (He's a senior, i'm a junior)
    I was at the point of tears and reaching for the razor today. I talked to him about it and he said he would never do that because he could never find someone as amazing as me.
    I just don't understand why my mind does this to me. Once i feel happy and secure, It just fuckes everything up to where i want to break down.
    Am i the only one? Or does this happen to others? Is there any way to make it stop?
    Please give me some advice, i'm really confused and upset right now.
  2. jasonkramer

    jasonkramer Well-Known Member

    sounds like you "know" you don't deserve him and thus your trying to make it easier for him to leave. sense it appears that he hasn't left then perhaps what you "know" is wrong. i would suggest changing your thought process to knowing that you DO deserve him. the easiest way is to bash your head in too the wall until you change your mind, get brain damage or die. the latter 2 are much more likely. another thing you could try are affirmations. as long as your not lazy they should work. ill give you an example of one i ust to say

    I recognize the merical of my being, i am enough.

    repeat that over and over. for me it worked best when i did it over and over 15min straight everyday. you can also have a set number of times you say it every day like 50x or 25x. you could also just try to remember to say it several times through out the day.

    as for being the only one to do this your not alone exactly. ive destroyed many possible friendships due to my own hatred of my self. one time a very beautiful girl about a year older than i tried to get close to me and due to my own paranoia and self hatred i successfully pushed her away >.<(idiot!). she even openly said at a party that she wanted to sleep with me but me being me i just ignored her. so yeah your not the only one that appears to do self sabotage. i successfully pushed away a new friend (couldn't care less about the sex) and i suggest you not ruin the relationship with your boyfriend.
  3. nonethelessjaclyn

    nonethelessjaclyn Well-Known Member

    thank you for the advice. i'll try repeating that, i hope it helps.
    i'm sorry that happened to you. i hope things are better for you now?
    things are better for me now, my boyfriend sat down and had a long talk. he truly is the one for me and i feel blessed.