I hate my mom and her bf!!!!!

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by wonderer, Dec 23, 2007.

  1. wonderer

    wonderer Well-Known Member

    I hate my mother so much. I honest to goodness hate her, and its a horrible thing to say that about one's mother, but I do. I hate that she can't or won't take care of herself, and I hate that she looks to me to handle stuff. I hate that she left me to take care of my brother and my dad when my dad was dying of cancer. I hate that she made ME choose whether or not we'd try to get him a liver transplant, which might have saved his life.
    I hate that, after doing all that, she denied that I'd done anything, that I'd ever take care of my dad. That took my entire senior year - I would go to school, come home, and spend all afternoon taking care of him while she ran "errands." I hate that she left me to do that. I hate that after he died, everything became my fault. Literally everything. She's be upset about something but it'd be my fault even if I wasn't involved. I hate that she decided she could pull shit on my one true friend. I hate that she forbid me to see or talk to my friend, even though I didn't listen. I hate that things got to a point that I'm literally so terrified of having the two of them in the same place that I've actually thrown up over it.
    I hate that, even now, the most my mother will acknowledge is that for about a week I was taking care of my dad. I hate that when I try to talk to her about any of it, I get lectured and cried on about how I'm such a horrible daughter. I hate that she's tried to brush my depression under the rug and ignore it and tell me to get over it because she's convinced it reflects badly on her as a parent, even though I've never told her she has any part in my depression. I hate that I can't tell her, that I'm too afraid of what she'll say or do to me or my brother to say anything to her about it.
    I hate that when I told her I might move out, she ran home and told my brother what a horrible child I was. I hate that I can't even call her on most of that cuz it'd get my brother in trouble. Apparently she called someone that night, idk who, but sounded like some kind of hotline, and told them that I "wasn't a very good friend." I hate that when I asked her to go to family counseling, she didn't have time, it was too much work. But as soon as I was definately moving out, she basically forced me to go and blamed me for not making it work earlier. In actuality, I'd found a place, gotten her all the info, but she'd insisted on setting up the appt. in case there was insurance stuff she needed to deal with. And then she never did anything. I reminded her a few times, but she just got mad and told me she didn't have time. Until I decided to leave.
    I hate that I've had to sit down with her parents and talk about how we'd handle things if we had to forcibly have her institutionalized. I hate that I've had to plan out how I'd take care of my brother. I hate that I've had to actually talk to him about any of that. I hate that I was the one who had to tell my brother that my dad was dying, cuz my mom decided not to tell him for like 3-4 after she knew, and it was pretty darn clear he was dying.
    I hate that, having moved out, suddenly my mom treats me like I'm human. I hate that I fucked things up so bad that I've got nowhere to go but back to her place this break. I hate that after everything I've been through with her, I've basically been replaced by this new boyfriend of hers. She never ever asks if I'd like to do something anymore. Ever. Because she'd rather be with her boyfriend. I hate that she kisses him in front of me, even though she knows I'm really uncomfortable with that. Even though I've specifically asked her not to. I hate that she forces me into like eating dinner with him. As a person, he's always been polite to me, I have nothing personal against him, but I hate the way she uses him and I hate that he's basically a replacement for me. I hate that she asks him to come over so he can fix her faucet, and I hate that she asks him to run errands for her and shit like that just cuz she doesn't want to herself.
    I hate him for not seeing any of it. I've thought that maybe he's dating her for her money (she's got oodles, he's got nada) but I almost hope he is because then at least he wouldn't totally be falling for her shit. I hate that he doesn't mind that the house is a mess - there are like paths through the house, the rest of the place is covered in papers, and it smells to high heavens because my mother keeps ducks in the house. And he still comes over to hang out with her and doesn't say anything or try to convince her to move the ducks outside or something. I hate that my mother uses my brother as a slave to clean the duck pens, just cuz its supposed to be his 4H project, even though he doesn't even want them and its her thing. She's the one who bred like 40 of them, and she's the one who won't sell any, and who's keeping them in the fucking house. And I hate feeling like its my fault he's in that situation because originally the ducks were mine (I had like 6, and they were outside) and because I refuse to take care of them anymore (I wanted to sell them and be done, my mom wouldn't let me do that). I hate that she like the ducks more than she likes me or my brother. I hate that she sees nothing wrong with like... walking around the house naked, even though it makes me incredibly uncomfortable and I've told her that many times and asked her to do little things like close the bathroom door when she's in there. And I hate that every time I ask she makes fun of me for being too conservative.
    I fucking hate her, and I hate all of this.
    Rae
     
  2. Fishman

    Fishman Guest

    Wow this whole things its extremely similar to what happened to me....*Big hugs