i'm feeling so sad. i keep thinking about my mother and how angry she makes me feel. i see her once or twice a year and yet i still cannot get over the things she's said and done to me over the course of my life. She left me when i was a baby.to my dad.my alcholic,despot dad.And she never called me again.She has never cared about me.What am i doing.How am i doing.She went and lived her own life.She wanted to forget me,forget all about her bad marriage and me.Found a disgusting pedophile to marry and poped out a new baby. anyway,i run away from home when i was 14,because my dad was beating me alot,lived outside by my own,and when police found me,they gave me to my mom.Another nightmare... i was trying to ask my mom today why did her and my stepdad abuse me physically and sexually, and she told me that i deserved it, and that i was and still am nothing. She said if my stepdad wasn't there for us when i was growning who knows where she would of been. My stepdad doesn't even work, and didn't when i was growning up.She told me that i got what i deserved, and that to just deal with it and get the fuck out her face. So idk, i just wish there was a loaded gun next to me right now. these obsessions just hurt me and not her! how can i get rid of them?! i HATE this!!!!!!! I HATE U SO FUCKING MUCH MOM!YOU ARE THE BIGGEST BTCH ON EARTH.you stupid weak loser.your heart is so cold.