i HATE my mom so much

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by evanila, Mar 25, 2009.

  1. evanila

    evanila Member

    i'm feeling so sad. i keep thinking about my mother and how angry she makes me feel. i see her once or twice a year and yet i still cannot get over the things she's said and done to me over the course of my life.

    She left me when i was a baby.to my dad.my alcholic,despot dad.And she never called me again.She has never cared about me.What am i doing.How am i doing.She went and lived her own life.She wanted to forget me,forget all about her bad marriage and me.Found a disgusting pedophile to marry and poped out a new baby.

    anyway,i run away from home when i was 14,because my dad was beating me alot,lived outside by my own,and when police found me,they gave me to my mom.Another nightmare...

    i was trying to ask my mom today why did her and my stepdad abuse me physically and sexually, and she told me that i deserved it, and that i was and still am nothing. She said if my stepdad wasn't there for us when i was growning who knows where she would of been. My stepdad doesn't even work, and didn't when i was growning up.She told me that i got what i deserved, and that to just deal with it and get the fuck out her face. So idk, i just wish there was a loaded gun next to me right now.

    these obsessions just hurt me and not her! how can i get rid of them?! i HATE this!!!!!!!

    I HATE U SO FUCKING MUCH MOM!YOU ARE THE BIGGEST BTCH ON EARTH.you stupid weak loser.your heart is so cold.
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Is there not anyone else you could live with, such as a uncle, aunt, cousin, etc.

    Once your old enough you can move out and then you won't have to see or be with your mother.

    Hope you feel better soon.
  3. evanila

    evanila Member

    i'm not living with her,even not in the same country.But she keep teasing me in the short times we talk or something.

    i just,cant get over these feelings.I blame her because she ruined my life,did it knowingly.And now im still suffering.all i wanted was a honest apology,feel that she's sorry,she'd wish those things never happened to me and she loves me. but nah.

    They lie to us: Not all mothers love their children.They might not love their children equally.And not all women are good moms.

    so blah.anyway.sorry to take ur time.
  4. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Don't apologize, your not taking up my time.

    Maybe before the next time you are due to stay over with her, think about whether or not you should. You know better than me if your mother will ever apologize to you.
    Have you ever thought about not seeing her at all?
  5. smk

    smk Well-Known Member

    the best way i've found to deal with bad memories in to make better ones. i don't propose to disregard to past...you know when people say that its all about the journey and not the destination. sure it might be a cliche but i've found it to be apt in creating something new.
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree with Mystic that you should just not see her anymore.. It sounds as if she washed her hands of you while you were a child so why not wash your hands of her and end the pain move forward with your life....