I hate my self and everybody else

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Hassegutten, Nov 28, 2014.

  1. Hassegutten

    Hassegutten New Member

    I fucking hate that im depressed. I think im starting to get scizhophrenic. I hear voices.. I see shadows..
    When i see my self in a mirror i don't know who i see, its not me..
    Some weird shadow is following me everywhere.
    Telling me to do bad things mentally to other people.
    Telling me that im worthless..
    That i should just end it...
    Im scared to make it mad by not doing what it says..
    I cannot express my feelings by vocals.
    I tried to speak to my old girlfriend i left because i got mentally unstable. This was not my love of my life but i cared so much about her.
    But the thing was i got more and more depressed by being with her.
    I tried to tell her how much i want to end it and that im sick.
    It was like she didnt care at all. We started talking for 2 months ago and now i finaly told her what i feel right now..
    Now my voices tells me i should let her go.. More like hate her or something.. Say something mean..
    I dont know what to do...
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hey there, may I ask what your diagnosis is now? Try to ignore the voices, the voices will often tell you bad things that are not true. You are not worthless. I think you really need to see a psychiatrist a.s.a.p. You should not have to live like this. Wishing the best for you.
  3. Hassegutten

    Hassegutten New Member

    I think i am bipolar. my mood goes up and down.. When it goes up i feel like superman and im best at everything.

    I got diagnosis from my psychiatrist 5 years ago.
    Severe depression
    Social phobia
    and Panic disorder
  4. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Might be a good time to try to se another Doctor and get an updated Dx and proper medication for it.
  5. Lazarus102

    Lazarus102 Member

    We all have that voice in our head, it's just part of our subconscious. "Should I do this, I'd like to do this, naw I shouldn't, I won't bother, I'm worthless...." Generally breaks down to something like that. When you have a lot of negative experiences in your life that voice seems a lot louder and separate of ourselves because it isn't agreeing with anything that we want to do and your underlying anger and frustration pushes you to want to do bad things, destructive things as a way of expressing what you feel on the inside. I would personally say that depending on how much control that you have over yourself and your actions, it may be advisable to seek out professional help asap. For instance if you drink alcohol and get the strong urge to kill someone or if you have a strong inner rage and are the type of person that takes no issue in beating someone bloody then it would be a good idea to get yourself to a doctor and get it sorted out before you do something that you cannot come back from.

    For the record I'm not a professional but I've got my share of mental issues and I feel that I can relate on some level to what you're going through. Thankfully I don't drink alcohol and I'm a mild person in nature so my issues are unlikely to cause external damage.