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I hate myself and want to die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ajhyso01, Nov 16, 2008.

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  1. ajhyso01

    ajhyso01 New Member

    I have suffered from severe social anxiety and major depression since I was a child. I spend every hour of every day wanting to die. It may seem silly to some but I have even gone as far as to plan it all out, write a note, and give things away. I can't do this anymore. My dr has given me two different medications, but no matter what medicine I take, or what I do, I can never feel better. Its like trying to crawl out of a hole, and no matter what, the dirt just falls on top of me. My husband is divorcing me and throwing me out on the street on xmas because of my disorder. He is angry because I have trouble finding employment. Everyday, I am called worthless, and I overheard him and his sister making plans and calling me a worthless hopeless, lazy person. He sain that his family can't stand me because of my problems. What they don't know is that my mother threw my things out in the street when I was 8, and I was sent to live with various relatives all throughout my childhood. I have suffered from every kind of abuse imaginable, beginning at age 5. No matter how hard I try, nothing goes right for me. I cant go anymore
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 16, 2008
  2. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    sorry to see you are going thru a low point, it seems that those who are close to you just dont understand what you are going thru inside.
    trust me, your not worthless just misunderstood, you will find the people here are different and will help you with kind words and support.

    dont give up yet hun, there are always other choices to make .

    maybe you need to give your meds more of a chance to work, things like this take time.

    be strong
  3. ajhyso01

    ajhyso01 New Member

    Thank you so much for listening. It means more than anyone will ever know:smile:
  4. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    anytime you need to talk then you are welcome to contact me.

    take care :hug:
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You are on the right track taking your meds but you still need to get it out in the open so you can stop dwelling in the past. You need to find a good therapist to talk things over with and to teach you coping skills, And how not to discount the positives. I wish you luck and we are here for you!!~Joseph~
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    hey, welcome to the forum!

    Im sorry to hear that you are feeling so bad :arms:

    Please don't give up, it sounds as if you have been through alot already,dont let your efforts go to waste. Im here if you need to talk :arms:
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