I list of complaints against myself:
I hate myself.
I cannot forgive myself for losing her, but thats just the newest thing.
There are so many mistakes, stupid shit I've done or said that I will never forgive myself for, no matter how long I live.
Dear stomach, fuck you. I appreciate so much all the shit you put me thought. Yay for vomiting everything you eat, when its not like I even want to. That would be one thing, then I would say good job stomach, yay for you. But thats not the case now is it? you vomit out my food and sometimes my blood. I just wanna reach down my fucking throat and rip the mother fucker out! I'm ever so fucking sorry for what ever I did to you to, but please let it go? you're fucking killing me man.
I hate how utterly fucked up I am. be fore i sold it I used to hold an empty gun to my head and convince myself it was loaded, and pull the trigger, just to prove I could do it if I really needed to, and it made me smile every time. I constantly dream about killing myself. every single night. And you know what? I'm always disappointed in the morning. I dream about how she'd react and about how it would be for my little girl to grow up with me out of the way, where i couldn't disappoint her, fail her, or anything like that. Shes always happy in my dreams. Thats how I want her. and those two are just the tip of the fucking ice burg ice burg.
I hate my emotional instablility. PICK A FUCKING MOOD AND STICK WITH ASSHOLE. Sometimes I cannot cry or be emotionally effected by anything, including other peoples plights, and other times the smallest thing will set me off balling my eyes out.
I hate myself on the fucking meds. As if i weren't fucking stupid enough, they make me even dumber. I have trouble with simple math problems and other such things.
I can't get her out of my fucking head. Please oh please leave me alone. I don't wanna love you anymore, I thought I didn't, and now it turns out I do. and whats worse is she fucking hates me.
I hate myself for being so fucking skinny. its pitiful I weigh about the same as your average teenage girl. fucking weak.
Im sure there is more shit i'll think of later and wish i'd put in, but I need to go shower. Then i'll go back to being fake me for you all.
I hate myself,
- kurt
I hate myself.
I cannot forgive myself for losing her, but thats just the newest thing.
There are so many mistakes, stupid shit I've done or said that I will never forgive myself for, no matter how long I live.
Dear stomach, fuck you. I appreciate so much all the shit you put me thought. Yay for vomiting everything you eat, when its not like I even want to. That would be one thing, then I would say good job stomach, yay for you. But thats not the case now is it? you vomit out my food and sometimes my blood. I just wanna reach down my fucking throat and rip the mother fucker out! I'm ever so fucking sorry for what ever I did to you to, but please let it go? you're fucking killing me man.
I hate how utterly fucked up I am. be fore i sold it I used to hold an empty gun to my head and convince myself it was loaded, and pull the trigger, just to prove I could do it if I really needed to, and it made me smile every time. I constantly dream about killing myself. every single night. And you know what? I'm always disappointed in the morning. I dream about how she'd react and about how it would be for my little girl to grow up with me out of the way, where i couldn't disappoint her, fail her, or anything like that. Shes always happy in my dreams. Thats how I want her. and those two are just the tip of the fucking ice burg ice burg.
I hate my emotional instablility. PICK A FUCKING MOOD AND STICK WITH ASSHOLE. Sometimes I cannot cry or be emotionally effected by anything, including other peoples plights, and other times the smallest thing will set me off balling my eyes out.
I hate myself on the fucking meds. As if i weren't fucking stupid enough, they make me even dumber. I have trouble with simple math problems and other such things.
I can't get her out of my fucking head. Please oh please leave me alone. I don't wanna love you anymore, I thought I didn't, and now it turns out I do. and whats worse is she fucking hates me.
I hate myself for being so fucking skinny. its pitiful I weigh about the same as your average teenage girl. fucking weak.
Im sure there is more shit i'll think of later and wish i'd put in, but I need to go shower. Then i'll go back to being fake me for you all.
I hate myself,
- kurt
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