Im the worse kind of coward. The type that never even starts. Ive hidden from every responsibility and challenge in my life. I fold under a ounce of adversity. Im a mental midget and Ill never know the meaning of strength. I have no friends, noone, nothing. I read about people who have committed suicide alot. To me its one of the most profound decisions a person can make. I envy most of them. I feel patragnized when people tell me to hold on to something as tedious and hollow as hope. After awhile you have to resign to fate. I dont like being so absolute but I am what I am. And I hate it intensely. Ive wanted to die for a long time. But I know I could never do it. No matter how bad things have gotten. No matter how dark my life is, I could never do it. Because im a coward. I dont have "it". Whatever it is inside a person that make them cross that line. People think suicides are selfish and are taking the easy way out. Since when was dying so easy. I think it takes immense courage to take your own life. Courage I dont have. Courage I wish I had. I hate myself so much. I truly am trapped. Trapped in this life, this mind and this body and there isnt really a way out. I dont know if there has ever been a person born in this world more meaningless than me. Why cant i just die. It would be the greatest gift life ever gave me.