I am a young girl. I have had shit go down in my life, like everyone does, expect somehow worse. Now I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I'm grateful for the good things I've had, I really am and I can tell you now I wouldn't have said this two years ago. That's what I'm scared of, I'm going back to the person I used to be. A drug and alcohol abusing, self loathing, suicidal freak. And I'm not above the age of 19. I don't know why I hate mysel so much. I can't take it, I've been feeling extremely suicidal for about 6 months but lately, it has got a lot worse. My boyfriend and I have had a lot of problems and I don't know what to do, I love him so much. I know it sounds silly, not even 19 and in love? Yeah, okay. Well say whatever you want but I am, we have been together for 3 years and he's helped me a lot but we are drifting and I'm scared. I would very much like to die. A lot, actually. There is so much more to my pathetic excuse for my bullshit life but I couldn't fit it all on this one thread. I'm just looking for some help and support I guess. I don't want to have counselling. I trust it more when you have no idea who am, and I have no idea who you are. I can open up more. I need help. I'm crying out for it but no one can hear me.