I hate myself more than I can express.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Datura, Sep 23, 2008.

  1. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    I've hated myself since I was around 8 years old and I'm 25 now. I've been on Cymbalta for about 7 months, and it has helped until recently. When I first started hating myself I would cut. Then it evolved into starving myself. I have grown out of these phases. Now self deprecating thoughts plague me the majority of the time.

    I started school in August and already I want to quit. It has been my dream all my life to be a doctor, but my thoughts are ruining that progression. I constantly tell myself I'm useless, I'll never amount to anything, I'm disgusting, worthless, ugly, scum of the earth, etc. I know my thoughts are irrational, but I can't stop them. I'm hypersensitive and blame myself for things that are out of my control.

    I feel that I don't deserve anything good in my life; that if I quit school, my dreams will be crushed, and I deserve that. I have an essay due tomorrow, which I'm not writing because part of me wants to fail the class so I can in turn fail at my dreams. Nuts, I know.

    If I could kill myself I would.
  2. Oceans

    Oceans Well-Known Member

    self-hatred can fill our mind to the point that it prevents us from doing the things that would brings at least some joy to our life. it sux but i hope there comes a moment where you can start to slowly like yourself.

    what has happen to make you feel that you will not amount to any thing or disgusting,etc..? If your dream is to be a doctor, then that alone is a sign of an altrusive person who wants to help people.
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Shock. Have you ever tried loving yourself? No drug is going to make you do that. You have to change the way you think about yourself if you want to get better.