I hate myself so much...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Shattered12, Sep 13, 2012.

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  1. Shattered12

    Shattered12 New Member

    Without going into too much detail, I feel like I cannot have a positive friendship/relationship with anybody because I destroy them by making stupid decisions made by impulse. Most recently, I have an ex-girlfriend who I cannot let go of. It's been almost 6 months now, but I still have a mixture of love and hate for her. I don't want to get into specifics, but I've done and said terrible things in the name of revenge, and I feel insainly guilty. Whenever I look in the mirror, I physically want to puke. I wish I could say this is the only instance this has occurred, but I've actually lost count now how many times this has happened.

    I've played around with the idea of killing myself since high school; I'm now 21, and I'm started to take the idea more seriously. I have a very specific plan, involving taking painkillers and jumping off a chosen building. I'm afraid this is my only option left, I'm afraid to die but I feel if I don't, I'll continue to hurt those I love. Also with the ex-girlfriend, I may potentially get into legal trouble, wih would ruin my idea of becoming a police officer; something I've paid over 5000 dollars and 2 years to educate myself for it.

    I'm sick of messing up my life and the lives of those I love. I truly hate what I've become and I want to make it go away. I can only see suicide as the one and only solution... please help me...
  2. relentles

    relentles New Member


    I can understand what you are saying. Been their and done it trust me it is not that bad.
    The best advice I can give you before you make comments decisions make sure you understand how you
    will feel being in their shoes and being treated like this >?

    If it feels bad you know it ain't a good decision right?

    Chill out listen to hypnotic staff like anger managment it helps because it is uncounciuos trust me you are not that bad
    don't kill yourself because you made mistakes. It is all part of growing up. Mistakes make you learn !

    No matter what couler or who you are we are just human beings we make mistakes nobody is perfect trust me !

    Learn from your mistakes because you here I can sense you won't to improve be different !
    Please keep alive because even you don't think you have lots to give !
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    HI hun there is always other options and one for you is therapy hun talk to a psychologist get your head and emotions back on track so you can be the best police officer when you graduate. You and only you can do that hun with help you can ok so get some therapy lots of people do to keep them on a more stable path. hugs
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