I hate myself TW

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LostInMyDaydreams, Aug 9, 2016.

  1. LostInMyDaydreams

    LostInMyDaydreams Well-Known Member

    I hate who I am. Nobody is my friend and I don't even know what to say to people. I constantly look sad and I'm always crying half the time anyways. Did you know I used to cheated on someone? Well I did. I'm a horrible person. My parents don't even look at me and I'm the black sheep of the family. Suicide thoughts constantly race through my mind. I doubt nobody will even acknowledge this thread. My friend committed suicide, I got precancer on my cervix stage 3 and kidney stones and I'm isolating myself from everyone from talking to me. I doubt anyone even cares. I just walk around and pretend I'm happy, in reality I'm really sad. I feel so much pain and suffering. I doubt I'll ever love anyone ever again. Heh, I mean who would loved anyone like me anyways? I was sexually molested as a child and raped. I'm seriously tired of this pain....... and I'm tired of everything else for that matter too.
  2. moxman

    moxman I am proud to call Rosie, my best friend =) Forum Pro

    Hi Lost, I am Mox

    Thank you for joining SF and sharing your story. Here you are SAFE. No one will harass you or insult you ; that behavior is not tolerated here at SF.
    Here you are among friends. Feel free to read my personal story in the green hyperlink below this reply. I encourage you to share your full story, let everything out and we will rally around you and do our damnest to help you. It may not always be pretty, but it is from our hearts.

    Ok first and foremost, your safety, I want you to promise me that if you feel unsafe and you are a danger to yourself that you will take yourself to the ER and get the help you need. There is NO shame in getting help, ever. It is shameful to suffer in silence and not reach out for the help you need

    First I am deeply saddened to see that you were molested and raped; that such a terrible thing to happen to anyone is terrible. We do have a seperate forum for Rape and Abuse maybe you can find stories that will help you . If you feel like it will help you to share your own story then please do. NO ONE WILL JUDGE YOU

    Second, I am saddened that you have pre-cancer and kidney stones. How are those medical issues affecting you? Are you undergoing treatment for them? What's your prognosis?

    Thirdly, It saddens me that are very sad and you have to put on a mask of happiness never letting people see the real you. When does the "real" you come out? Are you getting any kind of mental health support? Are you on any meds?

    Forth, Why do you feel like your family views you as the black sheep of the family?

    Fifth Do you have any kind of support network you can lean, friends , family?

    Sixth What coping mechanism do you have in place to handle stress?

    Seventh What are you sad about? What's going on with you ? Has someone/something caused you to feel this way? The more you share the more we can help

    Eight Do you have a positive family home? Do you feel like your parents love you? If so then please do not isolate yourself, I understand it is easier but it hurts you in the long run.

    Ninth Try to make some friends, and no you cheated one time does not make you a bad person for the rest of your life, stop being so hard on yourself plz!

    We are here for YOU

    Take Care of Yourself, feel free to PM/IM if that helps you in any way
  3. John Dee

    John Dee New Member

    Hey Lost. Guess I proved you wrong on one point at least. Listen to me. Being molested was NOT your fault. Don't even think for a second that is was. Neither was being raped. The pain you take from that event has to be let go. I know what you're thinking: it's not that easy. And it's not. But if you need someone to talk to, you definitely came to the right place. That mask you wear? We are here to slip through it, without you ever having to show your face. So here I am. As for love... I know that pain.I know that you're scared to love, because you'll just be hurt again. But at the same time, you have to know that love is very precious. If you let it go, then you will always have a hole where it was, even if everything else is fixed. The choice is yours to make. As for your cancer, I'm going to let you in on something. Half the battle is your will to survive. I know it sounds cheesy, but it's true. Scientifically proven and all that.
    Isolating yourself, huh? Well, isolation is nothing a good thing. Human beings, as a species, form very strong bonds, and become depressed (or more so) without them. You need to interact with people again. In fact, I'll be your friend, if you would like that.
    Now here's where I start in. I don't care what kind of scrap has happened, or what carp you've done, there are always people who will care about you. Me for example. Never give up hope, because I and those who follow me will always be on call. If you want to talk, just talk to us. I'll get your replies. Until then!
  4. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, I am sorry to hear that you are down but we here for YOU. I know you feeling but you consider us as your friends. You are not alone and we are here for YOU. Please seek some support from a therapy group. We can show all the support and kindness in a text format but you need that face to face contact. The face to face contact will better as you will see the human kindness shown which will help you more.

    I hope you realise that a lot of people do care and we will always be here for YOU. You know deep down that we care for the way you feel, so please from the bottom of my heart please try your best to stay strong.

    Take care and be strong for yourself.