Even though it wasn't my fault.. I feel like I can't blame anybody else. I was a halloween party this year, when I heard about me having sex with a man. I was struggling, I can remember him but he wouldn't let me go. I was screaming for him to leave me be.. but he didn't. I presumed that was rape. Anyway.. I forgot about it. I wanted to. However.. a month later I missed my period.. it was such a shock to the system I still did nothing of it. Later at new year, obviously a bit of weight had been put on. I struggled to hide it, until I started bleeding heavily and getting stomach cramps.. so I got a doctors appointment. He run some tests and was finally able to confirm I had a miscarriage. I was shocked more than upset. Apparently my heavy drinking which I do when I'm depressed, and antibiotics did the damage. Since then- I've been blaming myself. I feel completely terrible and sucky. Especially seeing as my friend spread around I has an abortion which wasn't the case. I just can't move on anymore without wondering- what did my baby look like? What was it? A little girl.. a little boy? What would I name it? I have a new boyfriend now.. times ARE slowly moving on. We're also sexually engaged.. but we use protection. I am just so grief stricken at the moment.. I don't know what to think.