I hate myself

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by theleastofthese, Jul 5, 2008.

  1. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hate myself when I go to bed each night. I hate myself more upon awakening. I hate myself more still each waking moment.
  2. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    least i'm so sorry you're going through this right now. i really hope this begins to improve for you afterall you deserve it. you're a great lady, and i love having you around.

    please take care
  3. Spikey

    Spikey Senior Member

    Aw, Leasty :hug: :hug: :hug: Am always here for you if you wanna talk hun :Hug: :hug: :hug:
    Take care of your awesome self :biggrin: :pm:

    Mel xx
  4. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I realize I'm trying to kill myself with alcohol, slowly, tho perhaps it would be less painful to me and to my survivors if I did it all at once. This way only prolongs the agony, for me and for those I love. But I haven't the courage to end it all at once, but can only do it in little bits, over time. What a coward I am! I am ashamed of myself. I am a drunk, a loser, a coward, a zero. All the things my parents never hoped I'd be when I was born to them. I'm sorry I turned out this way but don't know if I can ever make it right.:sad:
  5. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    least i have complete faith in you that you can make it right i really really do.
  6. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I'm glad someone does.
  7. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I've been drinking for the last three days and am now going thru withdrawals again. Serves me right, I suppose, to be in such misery since I know better. I just didn't listen to my voice of reason. I want so badly to stay sober but am having such a hard time and just want to not feel anything. Well now I'm feeling everything I didn't want to feel.:sad: I am an idiot. And I hate myself.
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Least I wish you couldgo to a facility and stay there until you have completed treatment this time. This is something you need help with. You don't expect people to cure their own diseases. Alcoholism is a disease. Sheer willpower is not always enough to cure this. I know you feel like a failure because you have been unable to rid yourself of this. Get help from anyone you can. If that means your kids, then let them help to. Is there a friend or someone that can come stay with you for awhile? Someone who can keep an eye out and keep you dry? Someone you can call on when the urge hits? I have not given up on you. :hug:
  9. Rachael41

    Rachael41 Well-Known Member

    I understand how u feel :) everyone does :)
    and we'r all here for u :)
    sometimes its really hard to get up in the morning....each time i wake up im disappointed cos it means im alive!

    but u seem strong :) i hope watevers makin u feel like this goes away :(

    feel free to pm me if u ever need to chat :)