I Hate Myself

i messed up. so bad. i dont want to carry on anymore. i hurt the people i love. i cant help it. i selfish and horrible person. i want to die. i guess i just wanted to post here to confess and admit to others how much of a horrible person i am. sorry for wasting space here and in life. i will end it soon.

 

Your not wasting any space nor your life.

What is it that you have messed up on? You can't be a bad person if you feel remorse and empathy.

 

i had the perfect boyfriend for 2 and half years. then i cheated on him. i feel like dirt, i dont deserve to live after the hurt i put him through. i hate myself everyday. i still love him. he never wants to see me again. i cant live everyday is like im dying.

 

Are you 100% sure he doesn't want to be with you anymore? Is there no chance of getting back with him?

 

first off :welcome: to the forum. i'm glad you have felt you can share here. we will try to help the best we can. lease: keep in mind that we all make mistakes. that is just human nature. it's up to us though to do the best we can to correct our mistakes. if someone else doesn't forgive in my opinion they're the ones with the problem. trying is what's key. if he doesn't come back as hard as it sounds it must be accepted. things will get better. lease: lease: take care and stay safe.

 

he never wants to see me or talk to me again. i ruined the whole thing. its all my fault. he was perfect. and i just gave it up.

 

Then it's best you move on, if he trully felt the same way about you then he would of forgiven you. I'm gonna be honest with you, moving on from this won't be easy but as long as you try then things will get easier and the pain in your heart will ease.

You'll find someone else in time.

 

its been 2 months. im still waking up crying and go to bed depressed. hes moved on. i cant let go. im afraid that no one will love me again. he loved me. and i he never did anything to hurt me.

 

2 months isn't a long time. It will take a while for you to recover from this. I'm sure you will find someone who will fall in love with you and who you will love.
There is life after love.

 

Ill just end up hurting them. i dont want to do that, its best if i remove myself from everyones way so i cant.

 

You don't know that, the fact that you feel remorse shows that you have a heart. Off course through life it self and anything in life, like relationships, there will be rough times, maybe not between yourselves but with outside circumstances but there will also be good and happy times as well. I'm sure like myself, you want to aim for having the happy times out weigh the bad times.

You can do it, it will just take time and some self belief.

 

Im sorry for what you feeling right now, althought i must accept, i dont understand it well, feelings cant be understood anyway

I wish i would have felt in love in such way like you did, just to taste it..im too cold for that, i guess...but maybe my coldness was an adventage to handle the situations in which i was involved

I wish you good luck

 

I deserve to be punished for what i did to him. i cant forgive myself. i wont. i hate myself so much. i cant do anything right. i have no job, my parents think im a failure also. i cant talk to anyone. my friends see me as weird. no. i cant carry on. i have given myself till october 14th. was to be our anniversary. then ill end it. ill end my reign of bitterness and selfishness on this world. it will be for the best, i know it will. i love him still. im sorry.

 

If you deserve to be punished, then just about every one else in the world deserves punishment also. We all make mistakes.
I know you can't see a life without him but unless you try, you won't know for sure. Nothing is written in stone.

 

I just feel so alone right now. the net is the only place i can vent my feelings. icant talk to anyone in real life. im a lonley person. i socialise alot but i cant make connections like other people do. maybe im destined to be alone.

 

Your not destined to be alone. I can understand that you socialise alot but don't make any real connections with people. The good thing about the net is that you can socialize without being judged as much as you would in real life. Also at least you are venting your feelings some where, it's better then bottling it up.

 

I have a secret to tell you -- we all hurt people, intentionally and unintentionally. We all hurt those we love. We let them down -- again and again.

It's what makes us human.

Humans are vastly flawed, never perfect. We make all kinds of mistakes.

And, you know what? That's ok.

It's ok to mess up. To hurt people. It happens.

Learning to forgive ourselves and other people for being perfectly imperfect is one of the best things -- gifts -- we can give ourselves.

((((((((((((((((darkplace)))))))))))))))

 

i just feel like a bad person all the time. i have happy days and then i crash into a few misrible ones. i dont want to take any meds or anything for it. i want to be awake all he time. if i died next week i wouldnt have a acheieved much. i just want to live by myself somewhere isolated so i dont effect anyone else. i feel completely dependent on my parents right now. ive got to stick them for another 4 yrs at least if i get into uni. then i can get a place of my own hopefully. i want to be alone. i dont want to hurt anyone else.

 

Those are all good thoughts (well, except the not taking meds part -- meds help depression immensely) you're taking responsibility -- saying you don't want to hurt people.

That's all good.

The part where it goes terribly wrong is where you give power to these suicidal thoughts.

Suicidal thoughts are just that -- thoughts.

Whatever you've done is done, you dont' have to punish yourself and your family with death. These are distortions of reality.

The reality is that you're showing signs of an illness -- depression. Which is treated with meds. These thoughts of dying can and do go away.

Things get better. And I don't say that lightly.

(((((((((((((darkplace)))))))))))))))

 

how do you know that things can get better? im in a perminant hole right now