i hate myself

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by someone uk, Mar 21, 2010.

  1. someone uk

    someone uk Well-Known Member

    as you can see i hate myself, this is why:
    i am a 20 year old virgin who have never even had a girlfriend, should come to no surprise i am a socially useless with a personality which is either boring beyond all beliefs or so annoying, fucked up and weird that it renders it impossible for people to understand what the hell i am talking about. I am also a hideous and pathetic excuse of human design with an early onset receding hairline to scar what little chance i already have of being happy with who i am, i can't even look into a mirror without breaking down and crying at this monstrosity that looks back at me. I am obviously bad at picking friends who see this as a big fucking joke but if it wasn't for them i would never even leave the house. I have an irrational fear of swallowing fruit and vegetables which makes me incapable of eating a normal meal in a normal setting

    i am ashamed of myself because i am obviously incapable of doing things that a semi adequate person can do easily and does every week, and the only thing that keeps me wasting your oxygen and posthumously giving my organs to people who actually deserve them is a recurring nightmare of my own funeral which involves watching my mother cry for hours non stop just because i decided to end this painful, shameful existence

    an now everyone is going to laugh at me: dry:
     
  2. morgan

    morgan Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you feel so bad about yourself. The fact that you can look in the mirror and see your flaws make you alot cooler than some of the guys I know. Being a 20 year old virgin also isn't that big of a deal. The guy who plays Shuester on Glee (I read it in Cosmo, don't judge me) didn't lose it until he was around your age.
    You seem to have really high expectations, probably due to the pressures of society. It's something we all have to deal with and I hope you can learn to be happy with yourself.

    Message me if you ever wanna talk
     
  3. CAD

    CAD Well-Known Member

    Hi mate, as regards the virginity problem - you're only 20, plenty of time for things to happen yet. Don't wish your life away! As Morgan said, it's likely you feel pressurised by the radical demands of an oversexualised society. Plus your hormones are more probably on overdrive right now.

    The fruit and veg thing, however, sounds like a real issue. Can I ask why it scares you to swallow fruit and vegetables?
     
  4. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

    Hey, sorry to hear you're feeling down like this!

    If it makes you feel any better, I'm a virgin and I'm 22!!
    I'm sort of like you when it comes to looking at the mirror. I tend to focus on the imperfections and only the imperfections, but I've been trying to improve myself. While we really can't do much about what we've been given with regards to looks (steer clear from plastic surgery), you can improve your body image in so many other ways. I've been hitting the gym regularly since last September and have been happy with the results I've been getting. It could be an options for you and believe me when you start noticing changes in your body when looking at the mirror it becomes addictive and you feel better about yourself. Don't obsess about the receding hairline. You can always go with a buzz cut and it still looks good. I've got a buzz cut myself right now! Be happy with the way you are!
     
  5. someone uk

    someone uk Well-Known Member

    thanks for your kind words, i'm feeling a little better bout myself today, i have at least got a prescription to propecia which should at least stop my hairline getting worse
    as far as the virginity goes it gets overwhelmingly hard when people always
    come to you to gossip about who is sleeping with who :dry:
    i don't think i'll ever be happy with being a 20 year old virgin in a world where everyone is losing it at 15-17 , i suppose it's hard when it seems such a normal part of everyone else's life
    as far as eating goes it is a long struggle with a condition known as selective eating disorder (SED) but i have always been unable to articulate what it's like
     
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    it makes me sad to hear how you hate yourself so much...
    I'm going to suggest you talk to a councelor about how you feel to get some strategies on how to stop being so down on yourself....or you can read books on the subject of self esteem.....
    and the dream about your Mum ....she won't cry for hours if she loses you....she will cry for days, weeks, months and years...it will destroy life as she knows it forever...she will never get over it....part of her will die with you....
    so please keep remembering that dream whenever you get to the point of ending it all....
    take care...
     
  7. someone uk

    someone uk Well-Known Member

    i am on a waiting list to get CBT so hopefully that would improve my general mood
    i am feeling better today though