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I don't understand people. I don't understand relationships. I don't feel human. I hate people because I am jealous of them. Jealous because they can feel, they can act, they can speak, I am empty. I try to approach people to see if anything happens but I get rejected, ignored, shunned, and it makes me feel rage.
In this world you have to deal with people like it or not, and I just can't see myself being like a "normal person". I have spent so much time in isolation but over the past few years I'm slowly starting to integrate back into society, but I know I am different, weird, loner, loser, that I don't belong.
I am cruel to people sometimes, and I don't feel bad afterwards....I'm not exactly sure why, maybe to deliver to people what was set upon me, or maybe I'm just a monster who wants to see everyone suffer, that is probably it, right? If that is the case do I deserve to be alive? or should I kill myself as I am "menace" to everyone else.
You may not want to hear this or even believe it but the biggest menace you are being right now is to yourself. Honestly, others dont waste the time or effort to judge us. It is the depression that makes us think and feel like they are. Sure there may be the odd one, but definitely not as many as we make it out to be in our own minds.
You deserve to be alive just as much as anyone else. You arent the menace to society as you may think. Trust me it is the depression and all the negative crap it throws at you that you have to try and deal with. And the depression makes us isolate. That makes it almost impossible to fight our way through this because you cannot do it alone. So hun just to let you know, you arent alone. I'll help you anyway I can. Even if it is just to listen to the things you think others dont want to.
I am not suicidal but I was just wondering since I love to hurt people so much if it's better for the world if I were just dead.
The biggest problem I have, and been having, is relating to people and living amongst them. I just don't understand people, the things they do, they say, I couldn't see myself behaving that way. But I envy people for being and acting "normal", I also hate them for the same reason, I want to be human like them, I want to feel, and act, and say. Yeah I'm constantly rejected by everyone, but I am writing this because of how I feel about and see people, not because of what they see in me.