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I hate posting here..............

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ripx, May 27, 2006.

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  1. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    but yet here i am, feeling like a freak-of-nature-psycho-path. while everyone elso i know is normal.

    Im only 19, sooooooooooooooo much more torment to go in my life, before its up. Ill never be married, never have a girlfriend, never get any respect from anyone.

    i wonder, what i MUST have done to have to endure such a poor quality of life. I actually sit here and read some other persons dilema and laugh at how meager their problems are : someone molested you when you were young? I WISH that was my problem.

    My depression stems from my disability (legally blind) and its not like i grew up in a good supportive household, my parents were idiot backwards maroons from the third world who view me as curse on them. they act like they love me, but when something goes wrong, or i disapoint them in some way, their true colors come shining thru, they begain to ask god what they have done to deserve such horrible kids, and they start to compare me to other parents kids who are normal (failing to realise that their kid is fucking blind practically.)

    sometimes, when i think of killing my self, i feel so conforted by the thought, but if i did kill myself, i am worried what everyone will think. my parents, who are from the third world (where honor and all that bullshit "let your nuts hang in pride" takes place), will be so embarrassed infront of everyone back home. their first born son: a coward.
  2. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    hi Ripx,
    first, I would like to welcome you to the forum.
    I am sorry you don't get the understandig or support you need and deserve at home.
    Though while you are saying your parents are morons from the third world, you aren't showing much compassion or understanding to others issues.I don't think it's right to laugh at someone elses's problems, someone else could say I'd rather be blind than have been rapped systematicly by my father and brothers, for instance.
    I don't think anyone who commits suicide is a coward, and I wander if I should care what my backward moron parents from the third world would think about me when I even not around anymore.
    I hope you find a way through your issues, and believe me, getting a girlfriend, a wife and kids , is not related to what you see with your eyes, but more what you see with your heart, and what you do with what you see.
    good luck
  3. blue542

    blue542 Staff Alumni


    Sure, you've endured enough, but if I catch you minimizing the pain of others again, you won't have a forum here to vent on. I'm not blind, but as mentioned above, you haven't lived in everyone else's shoes. Until you have, don't question their pain.

  4. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    im hnot sure if i should get involved with this thread but i will anyway........

    i am not totally blind.i see vague shape and i read large print.i am registered visually impaired and my sight is likely to get worse as i get older and it is likely to mean that my registaration is soon likely to chage firom bieng a registered visually impaired person ot being registered blind [for all the differentce it makes to me - which in some ways is not alot as it seems to be more a paperwork thing for social services lol but it is worth them changing the registrartion over if im entitieled to it as it sometimes gives easier access to more services!]Anyway im sure you all didnt really need to know all that ive just said.......

    So back to your post.Welcome to the site.im sorry about your sight difficulteis and im sorry youve been through so much and it does sound like you are really struggling tright now.

    i read your post and my perspective on things for me right now is quite differnt from your own but i guess thats natural cos different circumstances etc.But in my own personal circumstances i still struggle a lot with my childhood experiences etc even though im 23 now and i do not have much contact iwth my parents currently and i dont know if i ever will again............i am still scared of them whether i should be or nowt but i am also beginning to think about what i may be missing out on in life through not having a family/parents i have much contact with.

    However what i am trying to say here is i have my sight problems i was born with them.i dont know your situation but cos i was born like this i am used ot it.Everyone looks at me ewhen im out and tells me how terrible it must be and yeah someitmes i get so so frustrated but for me with regards to my cisual impairment i just see life as a challenge and it is important to me to retain my independence as much as possible.i dont like people doing everything for me..........though i am gettting better at asking for help wihen i need it...........though i cant dcecide if thats a good thing or not...............

    But my mental health is a different story.i am vcery very vulnerable where that is concerned and i know i do not have the same feelings about it as my sight in that any challenges it throws at me i will try and meet........i dont have that determaination where my metal health is concerned.i dont know why but it is different for me somehow.Everyone looks at me and thinks my sight is my main problem.i guess cos its the one most visibly obviousl and i understand that but at the same time for me i see myself is very differntly from that.For me it is undoubtedly and absolutely totally my mental health that i find hardest to deal iwth.i know it is different for different people.But aout of all of my problems that is for me what i struggle iwth most.My mental health i feel is killing me presently,my sight problems i feel are not.......and i mean literally killing me.i believe through my suicide my meantlal health problems will largely have contributed to my death..........

    i hear fyour pain very strongly in your post.i also have to say i heard a lot of anger in it too.And maybe that is understandable so i am not criticising.i just wonder if perhaps sometime when you are ready you might want to look at your anger in mroe depth,try and get it out and rid of it in some safe waqy cos it must be so much to carry around with you from day to day........so heavey.

    i feel for you very very much and you are clerly in a very diffeicult place and dealing with a lot but Mike and Helena are right.There are a lot of sensitive souls here and all of our sitautions are different.Everybodies pain and problems are important here and we treat everyone equally so please tbear that in mind when you post.We all react to different experiences in many different ways.i have learnt veyr much in my own life that something which may cause me so much pain and make me so so suicidal may not effect another person in that way at all and vice versa.i dont think you can compare peoples pain and its only my personal opinion but i dont think people should either.

    i am here for you if ever you want to talk wither on the forum or via PM [the private messaging service here] which im not sure if you have come acoross yet.

    i hope to see you around if you decide to stay.

    Take cre and best wishes for now
  5. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

  6. asleeping

    asleeping Guest

    dude. that's harsh. we all have pain as i am sure you are well aware. the simple fact that you have access to a computer means that you are in the top 3% of the worlds wealth. this isn't me accusing you of anything, but simply pointing out that you are lucky in some respects. i am sure your pain is considerable. i empathise and i am sorry you are hurting.
  7. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    im very sorry, i didnt mean to offend anyone, i was just so pissed off when i wrote that, i honestly cant even recal what i did that night, i was drunk on frustration (if that makes any sense).

    again, im sorry.

    as for you mike, your threats mean nothing.
  8. Robin

    Robin Guest

    Hey .. welcome to the forum, sorry if we came down on you hard but I'm glad you was concerned you upset or offended others on the forum.
  9. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I wish to welcome you here, but i want to let you know that i was offended by your minimizing the pain of those with whatever problems they may have. I would like to know why you feel yours is so much more important? The way we handle the problems we have been dealt vary from person to person. It sounds to me as if you are very angry about being legally blind. I agree that would make things difficult, but many people live with this disability and are quite successful in spite of it.Feel free to discuss how you feel, but please don't hurt others.

    Sorry Ripx. I wrote this before your second post. I understand.*
  10. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    Hi Ripx. I just now saw this. Good thing too. I was about to give you a Mia style talking to but then I saw how you acted with respect and responsibility for your words. So maybe you aren't so bad. If anything I figured you were angry and you have a right to be and hurt as well. I am very sorry your parents have treated you in such a way. Parents should never make a child feel they are bad. They shouldn't even say such things when the child isn't around.

    I was curious what level of blindness you have. If you can see enough to type or you are using something else for that? I just want to understand more of where you are coming from and the difficulties you face. If I am not mistaken are you albino and if so is it related to that condition?

    One comment. I didn't like you "tone" in regards to Mike's post. He was only trying to protect others here. No need for posturing.

    Last edited by a moderator: May 30, 2006
  11. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life and having a negative background such as the way your family has treated you, it's no wonder that you may be thinking you're never going to settle down or anything.

    One of my teachers is a rather private person but a few weeks ago he honestly shocked me. We were in a conversation and the subject of his families came up. He said he wouldn't go into details but he had an awful childhood, so bad that he was greatful when he moved out. His parents (especially his mum, I gathered) treated him like crap and the blame was always on him, they never paid any positive attention to him or praised him for doing well. That can have a negative affect on a child which can progress into adulthood as childhood does have a big impact on us, but in his case, he used it to his advantage.

    He went to university to prove them wrong. He went for a degree knowing that he could prove themself wrong. He wanted to push himself, to show that he actually can make something of his life and he got 6 degrees and he is currently working towards his 7th. He has views on life that could teach us all a thing or two and he is such a strong person. He is now married and his daughter has gone to university to study psychology just like he did and he is leading a comfortable life. This is where you can be.

    But there are two thing I must express. Please don't laugh at other peoples problems. Reading this thread I am not laughing at your problems and I don't appreciate it if I knew that others were laughing at my own posts. And also don't wish that you were hurt as a child. As a person who has been abused myself I know it is not something you should wish for, it's an event that can affect you in a very negative way and it is definitely not something you would want to happen to you.

    Saying that, remember that we are here for you anytime and I hope you find the help and support you need.
  12. asleeping

    asleeping Guest

    you wanna fight with someone then fight with me. don't go heavy handing all these people. i'm as gun-ho as you and now everything i post is under moderation. Mike's "threat" is a fair one.
  13. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    I dont know why, but this made me chuckle.
  14. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    to address the sausage fest that has ensued through my rather insensitive remarks, which i have apologized for, id like to say, again, I'm sorry.

    Its not like I'm the first person to say such things, and i doubt that this is the last time you will ever here them, so while I'm sorry, and agree they were inappropriate comments, the way SOME (key word people!!!!"SOME") people reacted was comical.

    uggh, I'm not here to make enemies people.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 31, 2006
  15. asleeping

    asleeping Guest

    thanks a bunch for undermining me. i wish you all the best.
  16. bunny

    bunny Staff Alumni

    Ripx, coments like that are not needed here, u are walking a thin line
  17. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    what coments?
  18. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    uggghhh i know this thread is really old, but i wanted to apologize for what i said. god i say some really stupid shit sometimes.
  19. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    :hug: Apology accepted Ripx
  20. mourningseraph

    mourningseraph Well-Known Member

    When I first read your post and was a little hurt, but you know what... we ALL say retarded things sometimes. TRUST me I've done that more times than I can count! :unsure: When we're hurting sometimes all we can see is our own pain and think if we had someones else's problems we could cope better. Don't worry all is forgiven and don't be so hard on yourself. None of us are perfect. :hug:

    You can PM me anytime! :smile:
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