I hate self-introduction but I'm doing it anyway

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by filosofem, Oct 28, 2009.

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  1. filosofem

    filosofem New Member

    ...Because this is a support forum, and I think I should at least have the courtesy to say hello to those who would possibly listen to my rant.

    I'm from Taiwan, currently a NEET living on my parents' support, a great embarrassment to my family. It's hard to say when I started to suffer from depression, but I remember having suicidal thoughts way back when I was still in elementary school.

    A serious mental breakdown happened when I was going to high school in the US. For the first time I was taken to a psychiatrist and put on antidepressants. It didn't help, though, and I gave up on the dream of pursuing an academic career in the US and went back home.

    Back in Taiwan I was accepted to a good university but dropped out in the second year due to depression. Life has been going steadily downhill ever since. Desperate trying to get out of the mud, I went to Japan and then Canada in hopes of building a new life, only to fail in disaster wherever I went. Years of self-imposed exile (admittedly on my parents' money) have also made me lose touch with my friends and feel alienated with my home country, which is sad...

    The final blow to me was a chronic back pain that started to develop on top of depression more than two years ago when I was in Canada. It got to the point where the pain is actually worse than depression itself, and even more frustratingly, there has yet to be a doctor who can tell what exactly is wrong with my body.

    Now I'm constantly tired, depressed, and in pain. With a health condition like this and nothing to improve the situation, I don't see my life going anywhere...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 28, 2009
  2. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Hi Filosofem,
    I'm so sorry about your situation. I can relate about life going steadily downhill since leaving University. I also dropped out and things just seemed to go from bad to worse after that. Now my parents see me as a loser and a waster (they always did before) but now it's even worse because it's like I have confirmed it for them.

    The pain could be psychosomatic. Your mental pain manifesting itself into physical pain. Has any Doctor mentioned it could be that?
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to sf :)
     
  4. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    Hello fellow asian! :cool:
    I'm sorry for your misfortune. Feel free to add me as a friend and we can talk if the need calls for it.
     
  5. filosofem

    filosofem New Member

    Yeah a couple of them did mention it, but I'm not really sure as I can't seem to detect any correlation between my mood and pain level. (One of the doctors told me to do that.)

    It's weird that Ambien (zolpidem), a kind of sleeping pill, is the only med that provides quick relief, though the effect only lasts for about 3 hours. They have been rationing Ambien like crazy here in Taiwan, which really sucks for me. BTW Ambien for some reason isn't available in Canada. If it was I may have survived Canada lol

    And oh thanks to all of you for the warm welcome :)
     
  6. sucidalgirl99

    sucidalgirl99 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear that, but i'm here for you if you want to talk.
     
  7. nagisa

    nagisa Chat & Forum Buddy Staff Alumni

    Welcome to SF!! :) I'm around if you ever need someone to talk to. :hug:
     
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forums!! Has your doctor run an MRI on you??I had lower back pain and it turned out to be a herniated disc..Since the surgery I haven't had any problems..It could also be the cartiledge between the discs are getting thin so it is putting pressure on the disc itself..
     
  9. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forums :hug:
     
  10. filosofem

    filosofem New Member

    Yes I have taken an MRI and nothing abnormal was found. By all of the health examination results I should be perfectly healthy, but I don't feel like that at all... That's actually the most frustrating aspect of my situation.
     
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