I hate sex.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by fisch, Sep 14, 2010.

  1. fisch

    fisch Well-Known Member

    I truly fucking do. It doesn't bring men and women together, it drives them further apart.

    p.s. I'm 22, male and straight.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 14, 2010
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    depending on your self concept on your partners self concept yes it could push people further apart if one or the other is not comfortable with it. Maybe getting some councilling on why you feel this way will help you deal with what is going on inside you.
  3. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    I can definitely agree with that, and its really quite sad because it should be something wonderful.
  4. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    If you hate sex then that's totally your right to do so, but I don't agree that it drives people apart. Dating and relationships are a lot more than just sex, just like sex is more than just fucking, and a bad relationship produces bad sex, not the other way around.

    EDIT: Unless you are saying that it's the situations when one person wants sex and the other doesn't, and that drives them apart, which you hate. If that's the case I have no right to comment, you're free to think whatever you want about it.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 14, 2010
  5. Mordeci

    Mordeci Banned Member

    I never had sex so I might be out of my element here but to me it has always looked like a disgusting act, I honestly never saw the appeal.
  6. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Ya, I should have rephrased my answer because I believe that sex is good in most relationships, but it can drive certain couples apart depending on the circumstances. I agree more so with what your saying here.
  7. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I'm the same as above. If you dislike it I don't think there's anything wrong with that, though it all depends on your reasons for hating it. Do you know why you feel this way or is it just a general thing you just happent to dislike?
  8. fisch

    fisch Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your replies, now let me elaborate. It's something I've been thinking about for a long time, even though the thread itself was a knee-jerk reaction to a pretty pissy day I've been having. To be honest, my real frustrations are to do with the differing roles and perceptions of men and women in society. And in hindsight, perhaps I hate sexual desire, not sex itself. Let me explain.

    I love women, and I have no qualms about the act of sex, it's a beautiful thing, especially when it's passionate and meaningful. Within a relationship, it can bring people closer together, and I've been fortunate enough to speak from experience. So it's not individual relationships I was referring to, it was more the perception that sexual desire drives a wedge between the two genders. It leads to perceived, fundamental differences between men and women. It leads to a lack of understanding and mistrust between the two sexes.

    The key word here is perceived. Take that thread started by deadend (titled 'Men staring at women...'), for instance. Same old story, men are perverts, blah-blah-blah. Male sexuality is seen as this brutal, primitive, hideous beast. Our sexual desires are like this big white elephant in the room that stops us from achieving more in life and connecting more with other people. It stops us from forming purely platonic friendships with women we care about. A purely platonic friendship between a man and a woman could be the most beautiful thing. Just think about the closest female friend you have. Ever sneaked a peek at her ass? That sure isn't platonic.

    Let me tell you what bothers me the most, what keeps me awake at night. This idea that men are simple creatures with simple needs and with ugly and animalistic desires. This is so not true. Nevertheless, this belief seems to be widespread in mainstream society. A lot of men seem to accept this view oh so freely and happily. Why do we put ourselves down like this? Are we not beautiful, creative, emotive and complex creatures too? Don't tell me that we aren't. We've created some of the most sensitive pieces of art, for instance. We have Bowie, Thom Yorke, Wordsworth, Brian Molko and Lennon ffs. And people still insist we are simplistic?

    My purpose for living is to be the most beautiful man I can be, both inside and out. Like I said, I adore women, and I wonder whether a man could be as beautiful to a woman, as a woman can be to a man. I've always fought the idea that a man couldn't. I sometimes feel that society's attitudes to sex are more demeaning to men than to women. I'd rather be an object of desire than be seen as some pervert. Though I'm glad that with the advent of the 21st century, our society has begun to cater more for the needs and desires of female sexuality. It's quite a nice feeling knowing that we can be the objects of desire too.

    Men don't exactly help themselves. Google 'The Man Rules' and read the first result. When this was made famous after being forwarded around the e-mail network, a lot of guys were like 'yeah, that's us in a nutshell, you tell 'em dude!!'. I was cringing because it confirms the simplistic, oafish stereotypes that we are so often associated with.

    Finally, I'll never stop believing that there is such a thing as a beautiful man, and I intend to make it my lifelong ambition to prove it.
  9. Mordeci

    Mordeci Banned Member

    It's just a general feeling I had ever since I was a child, seeing it in movies, seeing pornogrophy it just seemed like a dirty act to me.
  10. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Yes they can.
    Either if someone falls in love with you, or someone finds you sexually attractive. "Simplistic/animalistic" desires can be beautiful, rather than making love- especially if you're in a relationship where there are strong feelings for each other.

    There are plenty of girls I've known who went on and on about boys/men they've seen, known, or were idols in popular culture, and talked about how attractive they are, purely on a visual level.
  11. fisch

    fisch Well-Known Member

    Sure, I understand, and it's a great feeling as a guy to be on the receiving end of it. :cool: And I get what you mean about those musicians, but I guess they were also able to delve into subtle and emotive subject matter.
  12. Stray

    Stray Account Closed

    Well the orgasms are pretty good lol.
  13. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    I totally agree that the general view of a male is wrong, but that doesn't mean that every man is complex, deep and emotional. Some men (and I don't mean to put down my own gender here, but still) are simple minded, or 'brutish', or just stereotypical.

    But also, and I obviously don't know what goes on in many men's heads (as every person is different emotionally and intellectually), I do think that because it has been taught for so long for the male to be the tough guy, non-feeling archetype, that most guys find it easier to just fit the bill instead of proving the system wrong. I assume that America (or anywhere else) is similar, but in Australia the guy that shows or says how he feels is a pussy, fag or weakling (sorry for the wordage), and the guy that is macho and domineering is cool, proper and worthy of other's respect. Testosterone levels are a big factor in personality too (but not necessarily in intelligence or complexity).

    Another reason (maybe the best) is how mankind developed. Imagine 2 cavemen, one of them focusing on hunting and survival, and the other one exploring his mind and complex emotions. Which one do you think is going to survive and procreate? The first lesson that a human male learnt was to use their skills, strength and physical intimidation in order to survive, instead of their emotions, intelligence and creativity. As well as this, the female desired the simple, hunter type for safety, strength of sperm for healthier offspring and again, survival.

    Obviously our emotions, intelligence and creativity have developed since then, and survival is much easier, but in many ways survival behaviour is hardwired into our DNA, and is also instinctual.

    EDIT: It doesn't mean that males and females are slaves to it though, and like I said before, every person is different.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 15, 2010
  14. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    I fucked this part up. I meant that even though they needed emotions and creativity and intelligence, skills, strength and intimidation would have been more important (because of the constant threats of attack and starvation).
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 15, 2010
  15. NotThisLife

    NotThisLife Well-Known Member

    I debated on entering this thread, for the most part I have no business commenting on this but I want to just say one thing. Please don't hate me...

    Here goes

    If you hate how the heterosexual male is percieved, try having an alternate orientation. Death threats aren't fun. I would give anything to be a "normal" heterosexual male. I don't give a damn how they are perceived, it's sure as f*** better than what I have now. I don't really know I'm trying to say, other than be thankful you don't have an orientation that makes people hate you and want to harm you.
  16. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I was going to say something similar, it's easy to just sit in one place and accept "this is what it means to be a man."

    I think fisch saw what I wrote before I erased it, but Brian Molko was a sex symbol when I was in secondary school among the indie kids, and I'm sure loads of people find David Bowie and Thom Yorke hot, either because of their music or whatever for "simplistic" reasons. There actually is a demand by women for these 'sensitive emotional' guys to the point where it can be something I see through very easily, as they try way too hard, through what they wear, speak, act- I've been around men who feel very guilty for being men because they see themselves as brutal animals and then the result is- overcompensating or doing everything to soften themselves through image-only and being complete dicks, (unintentionally) in the process.

    It might just be me giving people 'the benefit of the doubt' when I say everyone is capable of getting in touch with ther feelings and the complexity of who they are- but I agree with what you say later on; that it's easier to sit and 'fit the bill.' I could say this about many many people around me, some of which are women who I'd say fell into the same trap of not challenging themselves and the people they were around who influenced their life. And they were trans/gay and straight women.

    Yes, that's a great point. Although I wouldn't want to be anything but myself (I'm not straight) to avoid getting the abuse I've had.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 15, 2010
  17. fisch

    fisch Well-Known Member

    Yeah I get what plates means about guys sounding really contrived, insincere and downright pompous when they're trying to 'challenge' the status quo. Having said that, if I'd swing the other way for one dude, it would definitely be Brian Molko. :cool:

    There's no smoke without fire, so I agree with Tobes' take on where the stereotypes come from and how they've evolved. And in the end I am grateful I guess for being me, NotThis Life, and having read your posts I do hope things get better for you.
  18. IAD121212

    IAD121212 Well-Known Member

    "Love is 2 minutes and 52 seconds of squelching noises." Johnnie Rotten
  19. Twinkle ☆ Twinkle

    Twinkle ☆ Twinkle Well-Known Member

    I feel sorta the same way about it.

    I've never had sex but it scares me to think of it sometimes.
  20. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Can't have them