This is the worst I've felt in such a long time and I simply don't know what to do. The last time I cried this much was the night I attempted suicide, 3 years ago. I hate being in this suicidal mindframe, it makes me feel so pathetic, like I'm unable to control my own emotions or something. Everybody else just moves on from their problems, but I can't do that. I hate being the miserable one, the one who never goes out, the one who forces a smile to stop people asking questions. I want out, but I don't want to disappoint my parents. My Dad would be absolutely distraught if I did that, and it makes me feel so guilty for feeling this way. But how else do I remove the pain unless I remove myself? x,.