I hate them so much

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by jupiter202, Mar 30, 2007.

  1. jupiter202

    jupiter202 Well-Known Member

    I posted a few days ago...Im new here. I wrote a little bit about my friend Michael that killed himself last April.

    Today I wanted to vent about his parents....
    when he died, his sister got in touch with me right away. I called his parents that night and offered my condolences. Not once did they ask if I was ok (being that I was the closest person to him in all his life) I didnt even care though, I realize they just lost their only son...I understood that. But then the next day I got a call from his father, telling me I was not welcome at his wake...that his mother was angry with me because I owed him money (? what the f that has anything to do with, i dont know...that was between me and him and I was paying him back slowly) and that my involvement with drugs (really?? id love to know what drugs i take....besides zoloft for depression, it would be news to be), basically that I was a piece of shit and not welcome at their sons funeral. I was to blame basically.

    The day of his wake, his mother called my cell phone, left me a voicemail saying that any money I owe her son should be paid back to her immediately. PLUS anything he has every given me, giftwise, shouuld also be given back to the family. She siad "i expect you to do the right thing".

    I ignored her call.

    About a month later, I come to work....only to find an email from Michaels AOL address (scared the crap out of me). His mom wrote to me, from HIS address (which I thought was sick) and wrote: "this family expects you to do the right thing and start making payments to us. you can pay us in installments beginning june 1st. its that simple. make the payemnts"

    We are NOT talking about a lot of money. I had already started making payments to him and after the way they treated me (refusing to allow me to the funeral, etc) there was no way in hell I was paying them a cent.
    MICHAEL HATED THEM!!!! They treated him like crap all his life!!!!

    I started making donations to the National Mental Health Association, in his name. THAT is how I will "pay him back".....If it can go to a good cause Id much rather do that than give it to those evil sick people. They wouldnt allow me to say goodbye to my best friend....I knew him better than ANYONE and now they have treated me like this, I will never share with them what I know about him.

    Thats all....
    Just had to vent. Thanks.
  2. Smythe

    Smythe Well-Known Member

    Awful situation, Sucks you have to deal with that.. ugh.. :sad:
    And I think you made the right choice in donating the money instead of
    paying it to them.
    I'm sorry for your loss
  3. jupiter202

    jupiter202 Well-Known Member

    I struggled briefly wondering if I should pay them back....but after his mom was such a bitch about it, I figured donating in his name was the best thing to do.

    I know if he could talk to me right now, he would totally roll his eyes abou them and say "do you SEE what I had to deal with?"....they are such a crazy family. Ugh.
  4. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    How very hateful of his family to behave that way. I would ignore them also, if it were me. What kind of people are they??:blink:
  5. jupiter202

    jupiter202 Well-Known Member

    HORRIBLE people.
    My ex boyfriend grew up with them, he said they were always messed up....a very weird family.

    Its just sad.

    Thanks for your reply!
  6. run4fun

    run4fun Well-Known Member

    family members often hurt and accuse each other of responsibility of death. family are probably hurting between each other too.

    they are placing unjust blame on you. when my twin brother suicided, i had a kinda girl friend. she was very upset that she wasn't invited to the funeral. i told her that my mother was never on good terms with her and that i had to respect her wishes being in such a vulnerable time.

    i would have surely let my brother's girlfriend come to the funeral regardless of situation. i guess some people are just stupid.
  7. MrDepressed

    MrDepressed Guest

    I think you made the right choice jupiter.. what was between him and you was just that, between you 2, his family has no say in that.. I am sorry that this all happened though.
  8. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    That is really horrible and DISGUSTING and you made the right choice for sure. I can't beleive those people, but congrats to you for being better than them. I'm just worried that they will keep bothering you?
  9. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I agree that Michael's family seem to be very unreasonable. As was mentioned above, the money owed to michael was between the two of you, not the two of you and his parents. i think donating to a cause is a kind act, something you can do in his honor. Maybe you can have a notice sent to Michael's family everytime a donation is made stating the fact that a donation was made it was made in Michaels name. Just a thought. :hug:
  10. Matty321

    Matty321 Well-Known Member

    Isn't that just par for the course, Jupiter?! People have lost every bit of common sense/decency and courtesy.

    I guess his mother got what she expected because ignoring her was the right thing to do.

    And yes, it's sick she emailed you form his addy, gross!

    Any more from her and I'd file a harrassment complaint.

  11. Depressica Suicydal

    Depressica Suicydal Active Member

    I would most definately file a harassment complaint against them if they continue to bother you. As as matter of fact, why not just go ahead and file a complaint to prevent them from bothering you?

    To protect yourself in the future, I would keep a tape recorder by the phone and record any phone calls you get from them. Put your phone on speakerphone if you are talking to them directly or record any messages they leave on your machine. Be sure to mention the date and time and who you spoke with on the tape. Keep every note, every e-mail, everything you get from them. Keep all this information in one place (like a manilla folder) so that you can use this as evidence if you ever have to go to court. Above all, don't instigate them in any way! Be polite and respectful-- and let them rant away. Then they are the ones who are going to look bad-- not you! :laugh: