I hate this. This what makes me feel like I'll probably never be happy

[puffymilk]

I was in an on off relationship with this guy from 2016-2018. Then in 2020 we got closer again and did fwb for a bit. In 2021 he sent me a message saying hi and at the time I wanted to cut him off completely so I can actually try to move on and forget him. I replied to that message in kind of an, um, unfriendly way by saying “so what? Anything I could help you with?” And he replied “No I just wanted to say hi”. Left him on read, and shortly after that he unfollowed me on every social media.

He’s the type of person who can’t be single (he said it himself). Back then every time he broke up with someone he always reached out to me “just to see how I’m doing” and we always ended up going back together.

I think he was only in love with me in 2016-2018. In 2020 he asked me to do fwb because he knew I still loved him but he didn’t feel the same way. Doing fwb was the perfect thing for him.

There was a time in 2020 when he told me that in 2019 he dated this girl he claimed to be so in love with “planned to get married and have kids”. In 2019, I didn’t use my instagram because at the time I was also trying to move on from him. He said that he got with that girl around March 2019, and it lasted for 8 months, I assume the relationship ended in Oct/Nov of that year. I found out after that break up, he quickly reached out to me, probably hoping that I could give him some love or whatever. In July 2019 he also sent me a message. And when I asked him about it in 2020, he said that he was “drunk”. Right, at 1 pm.

As a mentioned before, last time we spoke was in 2021. Sometimes I do think about him and missing him and I don’t understand it because he’s worse now. I mean, he’s never best, and I think I even lowered my standard for him. In my head I know I deserve so much better, but I don’t know why I keep thinking about him.

I’ve been missing/thinking about him again lately and I’m going crazy because every social media account of him is private.

 

[Auri]

Frankly, it doesn’t sound like he’s serious about you, that he cares enough (you deserve better) or that it could ever result in anything healthy.

It’s understandable that he’s still in your thoughts though, and I believe that will somewhat be the case until someone better arrives in your life. Even if you feel like it’s difficult to forget about him, I suggest looking elsewhere, because the minute you do get more love and respect out of someone better, it will be much easier to move on and “forget”.

Don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve. (Which is a lot)

 

[puffymilk]

Frankly, it doesn’t sound like he’s serious about you, that he cares enough (you deserve better) or that it could ever result in anything healthy.

It’s understandable that he’s still in your thoughts though, and I believe that will somewhat be the case until someone better arrives in your life. Even if you feel like it’s difficult to forget about him, I suggest looking elsewhere, because the minute you do get more love and respect out of someone better, it will be much easier to move on and “forget”.

Don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve. (Which is a lot)

Thank you so much for the reminder. I don't want to be one of those people who rush out to find someone to date just to forget/move from their ex, but I understand what you mean and I really appreciate the advice.

 

[may71]

I don't want to be one of those people who rush out to find someone to date just to forget/move from their ex

I think that mostly applies to someone who starts dating someone within days or weeks of having left a long term relationship. It's been a few years now since you were even in contact with him.

If you date someone new and feel the need to disclose that part of the reason why you are dating is because you want to move on from your last relationship, maybe that would make you feel more comfortable with the idea.

 

[Auri]

Thank you so much for the reminder. I don't want to be one of those people who rush out to find someone to date just to forget/move from their ex, but I understand what you mean and I really appreciate the advice.

As May said, it's not necessarily "rushing out". I think that even if you do it with that intention which doesn't seem very healthy, the result might still end up being healthy for both you and the new date. Now if you see others and you notice that no matter how good they are, you keep thinking about your ex, it might be more complicated.

In any case, there are ways to become happy out there. It might seem difficult, but that doesn't say anything about the future unless you choose to close that door.